A
male
age
36-40,
*mbiance
writes:ok so she wants space, i wanna know what that means exactly. we've been together for a year now, recently we have had a few fights. the other week she broke it off with me and she says she wants space. i ask if its a break or a break up, she says a break. than i ask if were gonna see other people. she says yes. now this is what worrys me. i said yeah sure ill give u time cos i love her but i dont know if i can just let her be with another. am i right in saying that the fact that she 'wants' to see other guys means that she doesnt love me anymore? whats really bugging me is that we still talk and she wants to be friends. she still wants us to go out and do stuff as if we were together (no sex mind u) i really get the feeling that im being used for time in between me and when she finds another guy. its kinda embarassing cos i kno that this is alot like how guys play girls, it just hard to believe its being done to me. nieve or ignorant i think. anyway what are your thoughts? anything will help
View related questions:
a break Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, ombiance +, writes (13 July 2007):
ombiance is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthan you to everyone who posted, its very helpful to kno that its kind of a common thing to go by. your help is much appriciated. ill be taking the advise and i wont contact her, ill try to keep my distance and let her kno i wont be there for her when she only needs me. as for looking around for others, its not in me to date or see any1 till im comfortabe. altho i kno alot of ppl get over relationships by seeing others(rebound) thats not quite my style.
this site is really great, im glad ive stumbled across it.
thank you all again and ill be looking forward to asking for more advise in the future.
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (12 July 2007):
 I like flower girl's response better, because it goes right to the point, but I also like flyingskirt's, because she conveys the idea that your girl does not necessarily need to be a monster who is playing you. All people have conflicting ideas about things, and he who is free of sins shall throw the first stone. However, as the two ladies tell you, you should move on. Some girls will not like to hear this, but, you know, there are some women out there who WILL play you, and who will do very, very nasty things to you if you let them. Do I know about this.
Also, whatever her reasons, when a girl asks for "space", you are doomed. As a man, I can tell you it would surprise me if she came back to you.
If she thinks she needs to reconsider the relationship, why don't you do the same? She told you to give her space, essentially telling you that you're on your own. Why don't you check what you liked about her, and what you didn't?
If she came you way (which I doubt), don't accept her in the same conditions as before. Listen carefully: I don't suggest that you blackmail her, or force her to do things for you as payback for the space she wanted. That would be so wrong. But I do mean that you take advantage of the break to deal with problems, if there were any; and I also mean that you show her you have a backbone, that she can't simply brush you off expecting everything will be back to "normal" if only she wishes so.
So, I'm with flyingskirt: do go out, do ask other women out, go on with your life. If she comes your way, well, OK; If she doesn't, flyingskirt said it all. Take the advice of these two ladies seriously.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2007): i know what your going through,ive been seeing this guy for 8 months,he said 2 weeks back he needed space,then started making excuses about coming round,i dont know if it is true he needs space or is just trying to get out of the situation without hurting me.i havent contacted him for 2 days now,i think you should do the same dont contact her,and if it was meant to be hpoefuly they will see sence and come back.i know its hard,but thats all you can do really,give it a few weeks if you hear nothing move on.i'm 44 so its abit harder for me.good luck
...............................
A
female
reader, flyingskirt  +, writes (12 July 2007):
i did this to my ex while we were together. it's very normal and common for a man or woman to want to date other people, and these feelings conflict with her feelings for you. it doesnt mean she doesn't love you, it means her feelings for you conflict with the idea in her head of what she should be doing right now. the book i read calls it "feelings of ambivalence" and this is common in love in all age groups.stop giving in to her and going out with her, but don't do this with ill will or rejection in your heart bc you think she's playing you. do it because she has conflicting emotions and needs to sort that out. you can help her sort them in your favor though. :) what you should do: even if you don't want to... ASK OUT OTHER WOMEN. (my ex would whine all the time that he didnt want to date other women. don't whine!) GO PARTYING WITH YOUR MALE FRIENDS. be busy, set other priorities in your life and make sure you have no time left to spend with her. do a total black-out on her. even if you don't date other women, don't spend any time with her, miss some of her calls, don't be there when she comes by, be busy with plans and living your life. the idea is that she can have ALL of you or NONE of you. don't let her use you for when she's lonely. she needs to go make female friends for that.she'll do one of two things: 1) realize she misses that attention and demand for you to come back or 2) date other guys and go away. if she chooses option #2, at least you kept your dignity (and hopefully met some other women to date along the way).
...............................
A
male
reader, ombiance +, writes (12 July 2007):
ombiance is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanx for the reply there flower girl, its helpful to see anothers opinion. i agree with what your saying wen u say
"To want space is one thing but to want space and see other people is something else."
but she is only 20 and im really her only real relationship. but i still dont get how she could evn want another guy. she says she needs to see what else is out there. she wants to experiance what other guys are like.
has any1 ever felt this way befor?
all comments are much appriciated thanx
...............................
A
female
reader, flower girl  +, writes (12 July 2007):
 If i were in your position i would move on, i personally think you are right in your thinking that she is playing you.
To want space is one thing but to want space and see other people is something else.
You deserve better than this.
Take care.xx.
...............................
|
