A
female
age
36-40,
*izzyb
writes:My boyfriend of 2.5 years and I are now on a break. He was the one who suggested it. But when he suggested it he was crying and crying and told me he loved me and wanted to be with me be for some reason he wanted to be alone at the moment. He NEVER cries, not even when his grandfather died. He told me I was his soul mate and he hated himself for doing this to me because I was beautiful and could have anyone I wanted and sees the way guys look at me. I asked him why he was doing this and he said it was party self defence (I'd threated to leave a few times) and also a bit of self destruction. The last month he's been in such a bad way. He's had his thesis due in, a medicine interview and basically our lives are changing coz we're both finishing uni. We've both been incredibly stressed and trying to figure out our careers etc. He's also going away for a month to Europe in Decemeber. He says that he doesn't want to see anyone else because right now he was pushing away the one that makes him the happiest in the world and some euro trash definitely wasn't going to cut it. He says he's not a good boyfriend to me right now because he's stressed about medicine, his thesis and then he's going away straight away. He says that when we're together he never wants to half ass it like he will be doing the next two months because I am his princess. He wants to have a break for now and that come back to us in January while he figures himself out. Basically he was a total wreck. He's normally mr. happy go lucky and he seemed like the world was on his shoulders. He kept hugging me and crying and kissing me and when he left he hugged me for so long it was like he never wanted to let me go and took about 20 minutes to actually leave. I told him that I would wait until January. So now we're on a break but he keeps messaging me. This all happened friday and he's messaged three times since. I thought he wanted to be alone, but why does he keep contacting me? Should i stop it and say you can't have it both ways? But I think he's genuinely devasated and hates himself right now. Straight after he left he messaged to say that he loves me and can't wait to hear my voice. I'm so confused, and this is a boy who has never been confusing for 2.5 years! he's a good guy, not some jerk who stuffs me around. I love and miss him so much.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2011): Yeah, I have a similarish problem.
We've been a bit funny for a while, and he's been really unresponsive- so after many discussions the past few days I eventually called him tonight and said that I cant anymore.
We never believed in 'breaks' so I figured that this is it, but I think he needs so 'thinkng/breathing space'.
I just want him. I love him so much.
We didn't want to hang up so he was saying how how he will still call me everyday (for the time we have been together, not a day has passed where we havent had lengthly conversations/seen each other).
I don't get it! He needs space, but I can't deal with half a relationship! He says he cant go cold turkey on me- he needs me, who else will he talk to , it will be hard for him... (Not long into the conversation it got to him convincing me we need a break, and me practically begging him not to)
I don't understand why he is breaking up with me if he needs me! He says he is used to me, and needs to see if thats all there is between us- so why is does he want to carry on with daily doses of me?
He's got me on a rope here...
A
female
reader, lizzyb +, writes (29 October 2008):
lizzyb is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSorry about the eurotrash comment lol.
Yeah well we spoke last night and we were talking about the break and what it meant and he basically said i don't want you to hook up with anyone else and I asked whether he would and he said 'i don't want to and i'm going to try hard not to' and i was just like wtf? so then i said maybe i should look around for other people and he got a bit freaked so we agreed not to hook up with other people.
I don't know, it's so stupid. I think i might say to him, look we're pretty sure we don't want to be with other people during this time so lets just say were not on a break, we're still together just taking some breathing space.
It's funny because he seemed so much less emotional last night. I said to him. Why aren't you so upset and he said because he wasn't looking at my pretty face and he was emotional of friday because he loves me and is scared of losing me.
I just don't know what to do with him. I wrote him a message this morning saying 'hey hun. I think this break til January is fine. I suggested it earlier in the year afterall (i said that maybe a break while youre away might be a good idea) hope you're thesis is going really well today.'
I think now i just need to lean back and wait for him to call me (afterall he wanted the break).
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (28 October 2008):
Advice from some "Euro Trash." Thanks for that.
I think you just need to be there for him. Why not re-define this Break as not a break.
Agree that you are back together and committed to eachother but just taking a bit of time apart to get all this uni crap out the way.
Once he knows you are not going to leave him and he is not going to leave you then that will relieve some stress on both sides and you might be able to get on with some things.
Good Luck!! xx
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