| A
male
,
anonymous
writes: Dear Cupid,She came to work for me 4 years ago. At first nothing much happened, but after about 6 months we started to get close to each other. At first just friends and then much later a really close relationship. She is now 32 has a partner of 12 years but is no longer interested in him. She has 2 children and is a very good mother to them.About 15 months ago she met someone else on holiday much younger than myself. I am some 20 years older than her but that has never been a problem.This "affair" was unknown to me till recently and yes I was very upset when she told me. She tells me now that he has asked her to leave this area with the kids and move some 250 miles away and live with him.This is because of his work and a daughter from a previous marriage(that lives with the ex-wife there).She plans on leaving during the summer holidays (July) as the children would have broken up from school.However she does not think she can go through with this as she thinks that it will be to traumatic to take the children away from their natural father and also her parents live close by.I have told her that just because he has lavished her with many gifts and shown her the "bright lights" that she should definately think twice about leaving.I have told her on countless occassions that this is not fair on me and she cannot leave me waiting to the fateful day in July on the off chance she will stay. Obviously I am terrified about the outcome of this situation. I have told her that if she stays I will look after her and help in anyway possible. We are still very close but her mind is in turmoil as to what to do. She still keeps telling me that she loves me and I say how can she love both of us at the same time. I don't know if I can believe her after the deception.Because of the age difference I feel that this may be my last chance of having a relationship. I am presently married but like her I have loveless relationship with my partner. I am more than willing to leave my partner and live with her instead. I dont know which way to turn.Should I force the issue somehow and risk losing her forever or just wait and let fate take a hand? I need real help and quickly.
View related questions:
affair, ex-wife, on holiday Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2006): my advice don't get involed with people it will get to messy and alot of people will get hurt.
A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (13 March 2006):
 You and her are both morally bankrupt. You deserve eachother in some sad way. Let me see, you're hurt because your cheating married lady also cheated on you. Not to mention you cheat on your wife. I can't believe you're asking for advice. Does anybody ever do things the correct way anymore? By the way, she's not a good mother. Some day the kids will know just what she was up to all those years while she should have been tryong to mkae a go of her marriage. You too !
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2006): I'm so sorry this is happening to you.To answer your questions I will offer only an opinion, others will add theirs.I doubt your married lover will leave her husband for you, she has too much invested there and her husband has already helped her heal from one affair, she probably realises she will destroy him if she confesses to another.Your feelings for her have probably become an addiction for you and it will be difficult to see you may ever recover from it, but you can. There are so many people to take into account here, the both of you ,her chilren, her husband and of course your wife. A woman who has been decieved and who may be about to have her world literally torn apart.Your marriage, however "loveless" is your responsibility. you must end it first and heal from that loss before you proceed with a new relationship. Likewise your lover must end her marriage before she commits to a life with you. Love built on the wreckage of so many lives is unlikely to survive, there's just too much guilt. Let her have the next few months alone to work out what is really important to her, give her children the chance to have a normal chidhood with two parents instead of coming from a broken home.Go home to the woman who has been your friend and partner through life and try to imagine how you would feel if she one day came home and said to you, " darling there's something I have to tell you, I love someone else and I have been lying to you for a very long time."You have lost your way and need some help, this is a good beginning, I hope you get some opinions which suit you.Please let a counselor explain to you why men at your stage in life do these things to those you have loved.Why men turn around and make a last grab at life and love and then discover that they had both all the time, only then it's too late and they are left with untold damage to themselves and others. I wish you and those you love well.
...............................
|
