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female
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anonymous
writes: I am married and also in a relationship with a married man. Our spouses are very much alike, so we can relate to each other. We are both in bad marriages, but do not want to punish our children by divorce. This has been going on over 2 years. I am deeply in love with him and he is my best friend. I'm not sure how he feels about me, but I wish I knew. His wife is very jealous so it is very hard for him to get out of the house. I want to spend time with him, but I don't know if he wants to spend time with me. Is he just making excuses or do you think he wants to make sure he has all of this tracks covered? He comes to see me everyday, I talk to him several times a day. I don't know what to think. Should I back off for a while? He seems to make plans when I back off. Why is that???
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affair, best friend, divorce, jealous, married man Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2006): I have also found myself in the same position, but thank goodness there arent any children involved. I think im i love with the other person and Im sure I dont love my husband anymore. Weve been together 13 years and only married a year, im 32, my husband is 30 and the other man (whos also married) is 25. he moved out of his house 6 weeks ago and is the same as yours as in when I back off he wants to make plans. I am inclined not to believe anything he says, and question if I would be happy with him eventually or would I always be suspicious. I think we should both end the affairs as that would be the sensible thing to do.
A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (14 November 2006):
If you didn't want to hurt any children, you woundn't do what you're doing. Sooner or later the truth will come and guess what? You'll hurt the children.
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A
female
reader, thenabear +, writes (14 November 2006):
 Well a relationship created out of two broken homes was red flag number one. This is not a real relationship sweety. This is lying and sneaking and not wanting to get caught. You both now have a common problem. Your both to weak to walk away. You use your children as a reason to stay. Your not in love with your spouses any more thats obviouse. But mark my words this is no way to begin what sounds like a possible happy relationship. See the reason he makes plans when you back off is because he feels he may lose you if he dawdles. You are waiting for him to make a move before you make one. Well I,m answering you and not him. So here is my advice. A unhappy marriage is bad for your children so you would be doing them a favor to get out. Make sure those kids are your top priority while doing this. For goodness sakes you don,t sound like a bad women so don,t tell him your cheating as a way out. Stand up to him and say this. I am not happy. I do not love you anymore. I don,t want this life with you. Pack your stuff and go. It is gonna hurt weather you think it will or not.your bonded by your children for life. Take the time after this has passed to become stronger, to be able to stand alone. Then re-explore with this man if you want. But you need to leave for you and only you. If your not happy don't stay. You miss out on to much happiness that way.
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