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female
,
anonymous
writes: my bf wants us to sleep together, and you'll think this is stupid b/c we're both mid-20s, but we've never done it before (with anyone - not just each other), and he's ready, but i'm nervous. i grew up in a real religious family, so i started out waiting ... for something, i don't know what ... and now i'm 26. and i don't really want to wait until i'm married or anything - my mom's that religious, but i'm not, and it seems impractical in today's world. but at the same time i'm worried that having stuff drilled into my head for so many yrs will affect me at an emotional level, even if i don't want to.we've been together almost 2 yrs, but it was a bit rocky at times -- he broke up with me last january, due to lots of problems (his and mine and some w/ the relationship, too) and we were never seeing other ppl, but it still just totally broke my heart. we've been back together now for like 6 months (public for 2) and i know we're very in love. so part of me thinks, what am i waiting for? b/c i'm so in love and i know he is, too, and we've had our problems but we've fought through them, and i hate the idea of turning 27 and still never having sex. but then i think of all the ways it might change things between us, and i worry it's just going to make me a disastrous ball of nerves and i'm so so scared. when i'm hooking up with him i want to, but only if i don't think about it, b/c the minute that i do, i just feel terrified - i'm not even sure why.what should i do? is this normal??
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female
reader, lucyloo135 +, writes (14 November 2006):
 hi hun
well first of all you need to know are you definatley ready for this (and is he ) ? just because of your age you dont have to rush into things its about respecting your body.
once you know your ready have an alone night in with him (remember it doesnt neccassarily have to involve sex) as you can back out at any time as long you do not reveal your intentions to him.
relax yourself and make your self and him feel comfortable in eachothers presence. once you feel comfortable enough you can start to experiment by touching eachother getting yourselfs in the mood.
as long as you still feel comfortable you can move on to the next level this could involve removing eachothers clothes but rembering to stay relaxed as u can still back out at any time.
then finally when your ready you can finally start to have sex, there may be some slip ups at first and make sure he knows to go gentle with you at first. then you will soon be in a steady rythm and start to enjoy it.
hope this helps
lucy xxx
A
female
reader, trausis04 +, writes (14 November 2006):
If waiting until marriage isn't something you are trying to do, I suggest talk to him about your concerns and fears. If you honestly feel like you are "in love" with him and he "loves you back" there is no reason you shouldn't have sex. I can pretty much guarantee you will feel mixed emotions after the first time, but I think in the end having sex will bring you and your partner closer. By the way I really respect you for waiting until you found the right person. Very few people, guys or girls, have the will power to stay strong when it comes to sexual activity.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2006): thanks thenabear. ya, we've talked and all, and he's great abt it - really reassuring and comforting ... does everything to set my mind at ease. and we've covered all the bases as far as birth control, and i feel totally comfortable w/ him physically - i'm not at all worried abt the act itself.
i just can't shake the nervousness of everything else. like, ya, will he think less of me if i sleep w/ him? he says he won't, and i know he believes that. but is it possible he would, anyway, like it'd just be unavoidable subconsciously?
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A
female
reader, thenabear +, writes (14 November 2006):
 Normal is an understatement. I,m sure several things are going through your head like. if I have sex with him will he think less of me. Or mabey the pain factor. The act of sex in a relationship is very emotional for both parties. Often though more for women. If you have question's for him then sit down and ask him. Explain to him how you feel, your fears, your doubts, and your anxiety. Mabey by discussing it he can set your mind at ease or give you the tools you need to make a healthy decision for yourself.
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