A
male
age
36-40,
*pudfinidi
writes:hi, ive never done anything like this before, but i need some advice and cant turn to my friends for it.im 22 years old and ive lived in the north east of england all my life, and i started dating a girl over 10 months ago, who was originally from california, but living over here working for the catholic church. shed already decided before we started going out though that she was going back to cali to do her studies, so about a month into our relationship she went back to america.she was so different to everyone else ive dated before, we just clicked and we both knew it was something special, so we stuck with it, and she came over to visit in may/june, and we had the best time ever, and just made me more sure that i was head over heels in love.ive got a flight booked to go see her in october, but she told me last night that shed kissed a guy from her uni on sunday night, and my head is just all over the place. she says it was a huge mistake and meant nothing and she still loves me so much, and i love her more than anything in the world but i dont know if i can trust her anymore.she felt really guilty about 2 weeks ago when her and this guy were both watching a movie and fell asleep in her bed, but nothing happened, she was full of apologies and i just laughed it off and told her not to be silly because i trusted her with all my heart, but now im not so sure.in a long distance relationship like this, trust is all you have really, and i dont trust her like i used to, but i still love her more than anything and couldnt imagine being without her.i dont know what to do, i always thought she was the one, and shes still trying to convince me that she is, but she doesnt know why or how this happened. my friends are all really good friends of hers and i dont want to tell them because i dont want their opinion of her to be changed because she is just the best person ever.so im sorry about this big long essay, but i need to know what people think of the situation here, obviously im happy with her honesty and it was a kiss and nothing more, but i just dont know if i could ever completely forget what happened.thanks for reading thisx
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male
reader, Dazzerg +, writes (16 September 2008):
 I would go with the consensus on this one just to be boring. She's human, she made mistakes but at this time and from what you have said you do have a strong relationship and they were just that; mistakes. They also appear to be honest ones as well. As has already been said you should give her credit for owning up straight away. I would forgive her this time but try and make it subtly clear that forgiveness might not be so forthcoming next time.
You don't want these mistakes to become regular or for her to even think you think there are no limits for forgiveness, although I feel a bit hypocritical saying that as I have said my partner could probably get away with anything.Good luck :)
A
female
reader, MuffinGirl  +, writes (16 September 2008):
 It must be shocking for you when you had heard what she did. And i guess this shock carry on. But as you described your relationship, i gett a feeling you two have really good relationship and now she feels guilty about it. I think she just needed kiss and hug because you weren't near her that moment. This was not really honest from her, but no one's not perfect. Everybody's making mistakes. And i think cheating it's not so much depends of degree of love we feel to somebody, but more of strenght to say seduction "no i won't do that (even somebody's very attractive)"!
Try to trust her again, it's obviously she loves you and if she really feel guilty about it she won't do that again. But if she'd do that, then it's time to have a good conversation with her. I have feeling this won't happened again. If you're really convinced she's the only one and really right person for you, then try to forget on her "moment of weakness" .
You can be kind of proud you have so honest girl. It's really good she told you she has done that. Can you imagine you would hear about her cheating from some of your friends?
Point is, try to forgive her. It may take some time, but i think you already know she's worth of that. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2008): The guy fall asleep on your gf bed? Is that only 2 of them in the bedroom?
In my opinion, as a gf, she has to keep a distance with her male friends. No matter how much you love each other, the couple should never challenge their love.
Maybe you think I am kinda old fashion but without a good explanation, I won't be able to accept another guy fall asleep on my gf bed.
It is ok if it is just a normal kiss. If you already accept her apology, you should really forget about this and never mention it in front of her.
It is normal you no longer trust her like you used to be. When the time passed, if she still loves you the same, the trust will be rebuild and it is very important in a long distance relationship.
Wish you good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2008): Long distance relationships are very difficult. She may have kissed another guy but i think if you love her she could be given a second chance. I would try to for give this time.
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