A
female
age
41-50,
*ITTLE SWEEP
writes:I have been married nearly ten years we have two children. My husband is from Albania and for the last five years he just wants to live in Italy or Greece.He has brothers in both countries and he thinks its a better life. I am scared of going because our relationship is not very strong we argue a lot and he has made threats of leaving me when the kids are of age. I would be very alone in a foreign country i don't speak the language but he does.This is a constant problem in our marriage i feel we can't move on we need to move house because we only have a two bedroomed house at present and i have a son and daughter so a three bedroomed house is needed.He refuses to move or even ex-tend this house.Please help.
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female
reader, LITTLE SWEEP +, writes (16 September 2008):
LITTLE SWEEP is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you very much for your advise. It as helped me to see me that its not just me been selfish like my husband says i am when i refuse to move abroad.
I think we need to knock this on the head once and for all and move on with our life.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2008): If you both are having marriage problems, and he's made threats to leave you, then I can truely understand your relunctance to move. You've both hit a huge barrier here. It doesn't sound like the two of you have what you 'need' to make this marriage strong and far reaching. Because, your marriage has no way of working this through unless one of you compromises and makes a decision to be with the other..out of deep love and support for the other. In light of what happeningin your marriage (the arguing, the threats-- you would be nuts to move to another country with him, at this point. This decision has to be mutual and both have to fully agree. Listen, hun..when there is a true, deep, committed love, then where you live should not matter, as long as you are together. It really sounds like this is not the case here. What's likely happening is you both are married and he has a long-standing loyalty to his/her home country and likely family/friends that live in these countries. This is probably something that you both have ignored or thought would change over time, with each other. This is a huge core value difference in your marriage and one of you has to make the sacrifice or this won't fly. Plain and simple. I think it's time for you and your husband to use some serious soul-searching and be as truthfully honest with each other. A move like this, takes two people who have the strong love base and it has to be a mutual, joint decision, where both of you are happy and satisfied. with the choice. My guess (and correct me if I am wrong)? This marriage doesn't appear to have the solid base of love and committment to keep it afloat, at this time.. If you can't reach a happy decision on this, one of you will always be unhappy and that will ultimately cause probelms. You could consider marriage counseling, but I am not sure if that could give you both...the ability to commit and love each other, in the way a marriage requires to keeping it strong. Those abilities have to come from your hearts and souls. No one can give that to you. It should have been in place, already before you made the choices to marry each other.But if I were you, I'd get these marriage issues worked out, before making any plans to uproot your lives and that of your children , to move far away from your own family, friends and support system.
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A
female
reader, sarcy24 +, writes (16 September 2008):
 My friend and her husband moved to the USA as he was American. Their relationship wasn't very strong and she didn't want to go. They split up after a few years and she came back to this country with next to nothing. She has had to rebuild her life and is on benefits and really struggling. I think only go to Greece or italy if you can speak the language as otherwise you will be totally on your own and totally reliant on him for companionship and friendship. I would imagine the quality of life would be better and probably much warmer with more space and better food etc but be you might be lonely. A few trips to where he would be thinking of going might make you feel more positive and learning the language a great help. I do think it is really hard if you can't speak the lingo as my ex husband was fluent in Spanish and even when we went on hols I felt left out when he would chat away to the locals and that was only for a couple of weeks. If you are a self sufficient person with your own hobbies and interests then go for it but if you like your being near your family, UK TV and home comforts and other English things think very carefully especially if you feel the relationship might not be as strong as you would like.
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