A
female
age
36-40,
*GH
writes:OK... I have been dating the same guy for 4 years. He use to always look at porn, I asked him to stop because it hurts me and he promised he would. I caught him doing it again! He then put a ring on my fingure and promised again he would not look at it. We are supposed to get married in 3 weeks. And I found it on the computer (Again) and he lied right to my face about "not" doing it. Should I still marry him? Is he always going to be a liar. HELP...
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2009): Marry only the person you love, not the person you dream. Remember: puppy love leads only to a dog's life, but true love is eternal!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2009): So far, he has chosen to lie to you.
That is who he is, and that is who you are choosing.
Why marry someone hoping that they will become a different person once you have married them? You should marry someone because you like them for who they are (in this case, a porn loving liar!)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2009): You have to be 100% sure about marrying this guy. I married my husband and found out about the porn a few months after..the same as you, he promised but kept doing it over and over for 7 years. He was never paying me attention, just these skanks on the computer I cheated on him, he forgave me but then It came to a real head a week before having my 2nd child. He always wanted nothing to do with me through both my pregnancies but he would always look at these women in secret, sometimes sending us in to debt over it on his credit card!Fed up after 7 years of it I was going to leave with our 2 children, was depressed. I went on anti-depressants. We got counselling and everything is good now. It took over a year for me to trust him again and even now its still in my head.Guess what I am saying is that this is only the start of your problems. You will marry but it will go on and on UNLESS he wants it to stop. It will ruin your self esteem etc. On the other hand whats not to say the next guy you end up with is not the same. From my experience most men look at porn and lie to their partners about it.Being married is not easy there will be ups and downs and this is one of those downs you will really have to work on. If you can get through this you can get through anything.You both need to have a serious talk about this issue he needs to know what he is about to lose all for the sake of some chicks on a computer screen.I wish you loads of luck with it. Take care
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2009): I think you're right. A lie is a lie is a lie is a lie.
I hear what you're saying. This isn't about the porn as much as it is about the lying.
I wouldn't do it. I got mixed up with the same kind of guy twice, and it never worked out.
Never matters what they're lying about, it matters they're lying.
I wouldn't do it.
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A
female
reader, UGH +, writes (21 April 2009):
UGH is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhummm... well if there is something he dislikes i change. But if it something i dislike he doesnt change...
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A
female
reader, crimson_kiss +, writes (21 April 2009):
 Not really the same, sweetie. His fantasy involves women who are not "in the flesh" right there for him to touch...yours is!!! It would make any man nervous!
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A
female
reader, UGH +, writes (21 April 2009):
UGH is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk i understand, but my fantasy always has him in it... i often will masterbate right when he is coming home from work so im ready.. when he walks through the door.
My fantasy is cowboys.. but if i go out dancing, and my man wont dance with me, and i start dancing with a cowboy he flips... so isnt that kinda the same thing...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2009): lol.. I suppose you putting a porn of yourself online would be a great form of revenge.. but its not QUITE the same. lol
I see your mindset now. basically, it offends you.. you give him all the great sex he needs and still he looks at other women when he should only be looking at you!
But, don't look at it that way.. Porn is just fantasy. You're still his girl for sure.
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A
female
reader, UGH +, writes (21 April 2009):
UGH is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell he has lied to me before about it and its on my computer, it happend 3 days ago. We have sex every single night.. pretty much hot and steamy sex... on the weekends we have sex 3-5 times a day, but when i go to work in the morning he watches porn?? What gives? how much does he need???? I dont know what else to do.. I have a big ass big boobs everything he likes but he still watches porn? I asked him if i could make a porno and put it on youtube and he fliped... why can he watch girls but i cant put myself on there for others to watch?
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A
female
reader, crimson_kiss +, writes (21 April 2009):
Hun, he has to lie about it, because he knows it hurts you and that you will be upset if he watches it. Why not watch it together? It will both give you pleasure in the long run. Don't sweat it so much, its not as if he is cheating on you with these porn women.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2009): First of all..why are you so upset about it? He's not cheating on you, he's not doing any manner of things that could be worse than porn to you.
Secondly..Just cuz you snooped around and found porn on his computer, how do you know it wasn't from before he made you that promise? Computers have memories.. Computers can hold files for many many years.
Basically, you want him not to be a liar. But you went all investigative on him, proving you don't trust him already. If you don't trust someone, how can you expect them not to lie? its Karma, sweetheart.
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A
female
reader, jellybeans +, writes (20 April 2009):
I think it's normal for men to like porn and some couples would watch porn together. May I know why it hurts you to know he likes porn? Is he addicted in it and has lost his sexual desires on you?
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