A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Girlfriend may be cheating? Hello, I have a short question or rather Id like to hear some advice and opinions. My girlfriend and I have been together for 3 years and we recently got engaged(maybe 8 months ago). However, she has a friend who she doesnt want me meet. She see's him not to often, maybe every 5 months or so. I know she talks to him on the phone more than she tells me. She has lied to me a few times about when she said she didnt see him, but has. Her answer to that is "i dont want to start a fight", since I usually argue when she plans to see him(being the fact I cant see him I dont like her seeing him). I ask her if I can meet him and her response is I dont see him often and I would like to see him. She doesnt get phone calls at strange hours and she only has one friend(which is him, her other friends left town). Is it possible she doesnt want me to meet him b/c that is her only friend left? OR maybe if I meet him I may not like him? She has been knowing him for over 2 years. Thanks for any advice.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2007): Hello, thanks for the replies. I am the one who wrote the question but there is a few more lines to this story. I did meet him, but it was when she went out with him that I surprised her. She was not happy, we argued for over a week and things got ugly. After that incident they havent seen each other (as for as I know) for 6 months and when she seen him again, we argued for a bit. I asked her then if I could meet him again, but properly this time. Her answer was that You already met him. A few days later I find out she saw him again but lied to me about it when I confronted her(I knew something was wrong, just a feeling you get). She told me the truth about 4 days later when I asked her again. Now things are at its worse, we are taking time apart. I try to convince her to tell her that I will have no problems with you seeing him, but just let me meet him again to talk to him. Her reply "You met him already and I know you wont change" (by change she means I always argue with her when she see's him). Can anyone tell me why she doesnt want to work things out? She claims the damage is done and Ill never be able to trust her again, so there is no point in having a relationship. I am trying to convince her that there is a chance as long as I can meet him ill have no problem with you seeing him.
Thanks for any advice. It is very appreciated.
A
female
reader, penta +, writes (9 April 2007):
 I can't answer whether she's been cheating, but it does look suspicious. I agree that you need to meet this person before you and she get married, and she needs to come clean about why she's hiding him from you. There are all kinds of reasons possible, many of them even innocent. But you're the person she says she wants to share her life with, aren't you?I would try to talk to her again about this person -- calmly. Maybe write down your reasoning before you talk to her, do it over a meal, stay focused. DON'T accuse or blame; don't give her any reason to close down. If she "doesn't want to start a fight" she needs to realize that there is already one on the table, and if she wants you to trust her she needs to be honest with you.Decide before you talk to her if this is something you can live with. Don't give any ultimatums if you can't live with either answer (yes, I'll come clean, or no, I need to keep this from you). Once you've made your decision, you'll know whether to continue the relationship. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2007): If there is nothing going on with your girlfriend and her friend, she should have no problem with you meeting him. Could you not explain to her that you are afraid of the unknown, " knowledge is the enemy of fear" you have no problem with her having friends, but it would be nice if you could meet him, just once even? It makes no odds wether you like him or not, he is her friend, and there are no rules that say you have to get on with all your partners mates, and vice versa.
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