A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My son had a couple of dates withy a woman 10 years older than him, she ended the relationship as she did not have time in her life for him. a couple of weeks later she rang him saying she was pregnant, and she was keeping the baby regardless of what he wanted. My son was devastated, but there was nothing he could do. He agreed to stay friends,and take responsibility as soon as he is 100% sure the baby is his. But now she won,t leave him alone, saying he has ruined her life, she can make his life miserable and other nasty text messages, at least 10 times a day. Help, what can he do???
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2007): The advice I give you is based on the knowlege that your son is indeed the father of this child. I would recommend some 'testing' be done to ensure that. Sex is powerful thing, isn't it? Looking at your age, on your posting..I have to draw the conclusion, your son is fairly young. Lates teens to mid-20's? The consequences of what has occurred here, will change his future life path. What a mind-boggling hard lesson for him to learn about having sex with someone-anyone. For the sake of any young folk reading this posting...take note! "Each time you have sex, there is a monumental, huge probability of fathering/mothering a child, no matter what protection you use"
This woman is pregnant and in emotional pain, an added stress she shouldn't have to deal in regards to the health of this child, all alone. She's feeling lost and resentful. So what can he do? In your eyes and his eyes, he is doing all he can do. But in her eyes, he is not. He has told her he will be 100% responsible for this child. To him that could mean..sending her a support cheque every month. To her..it might mean so much more. You are a Mother, you know exactly what it's like raising a family. It's not easy, in all aspects. Let's look at that responsibilty because this type of predicament is a profound, huge life altering responsibility for both of them. Not just him...look at what it is doing to her life as well. There will be, financial and emotional obligations to this child. Child support for at least 18 years, visitations, and ongoing contact with the the Mother to ensure, his child is well taken care of. I'm sure you will agree, that if she keeps this child, that baby will will need it's father and extended family. You will be a grandmother so the best thing you can do is help your son, face the reality of what happened to his life. This woman is not going to go away quietly. He needs to assure her he'll support and emotionally be her 'rock' during the interim of this pregnancy and the birth and afterwards. This is just not 'her' cross to bear...it took two to tango here, he is committed to ensuring this child never wants for anything.
So how does he deal with her calling him all the time. It's not easy. Coming short of getting a restraining order (which I don't recommend), your son will have to bite the bullet and give her a lot of assurances that he's 'there for her'. If she keeps this child, you all want to have a good, quality, friendly relationship with her to ensure that this child has a happy future, with family who all get along and respect each other. It will be hard. It will require understanding, patience, maturity, facing the responsibility, and a ton of discipline, on the part of your whole family. It will require him to possibly giving up some hopes/plans for an education, or pursuing his goals on a part-time basis as he'll have to work or keep working to support his child, finacially. As an older, mature woman like myself, you know what I know...life is a series of tradeoffs. The best thing you can do for your son and his child is to respect and get along with his child's mother. There is no other way. Tell your son, you are there for him but he does have to help the mother of his child through this challenging time that lay ahead. Sometimes, as parents, the best thing we can do for our children...is not protect them but give them the strength to handle life's hardships, head on. Tell your son to talk to her and to find out exactly what he can do for her..he will have to accept that he will have to be actively involved in her life, for the next 18 years. Not necessarily as lovers but as good friends. There is no other way. Good luck to you and your son. And my heart goes out to the child and the mother as well. Take care.
A
female
reader, penta +, writes (9 April 2007):
 I think he should contact a lawyer. If he's the father, he has responsibilities to the child, but not to the mother. What she's doing constitutes harassment, and it can only get worse. I think it is wise of him to make sure the baby is his since there were only a few dates. And it's great that he plans to step up if the baby is his. But he hardly ruined her life without her help. Find out from the lawyer what he can do to get her to back off; he deserves to live his life free from her nastiness.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2007): Have your son talk to a lawyer. His lawyer will be able to explain what rights your son has and may be able to call the woman off. Don't put it off because this is harassment.-J
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