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female
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anonymous
writes: I made an aol screen name to talk to my fiance to check to see if he was cheating on me.. Am I deceitful to do that??...The story is.. I'm a full-time office assistant in the morning and a student by night and on top of that i'm a mother of two. I go to college every other day (M,W, and F). For every other day that I am not in school I spend it with my fiance and kids. A couple of weeks ago I had a bad cold which caused me to stay home from school on a Monday. Well, I was feeling a little better by Wednesday but not fully. But I had decided to go to school anyways because I had a test. I went to school and took my test and asked to come home early. When I got home my finace was in the shower but the computer was on. I took a glance at the computer screen and saw a bunch of pop up screens with conversations on them. I didn't have the time to read each and everyone of it. So i just memorized his screen name and left his office.When my fiance got out of the shower and saw me sitting in the kitchen, he was in shock and asked "when did you get home" and i calmly reply "I just stepped foot in the house honey". He then said, "i'll be right back, I need to finish downloading music." He went to go x-out all of the conversations. I acted like i didn't know.The next day at school, during my computer technology class, I decided to make up a screen name and instant message him to see if he would respond. With the quickness he did. My fiance is having internet affairs. But I still played along to see if he is seeking a friend or something else. And unfortunately, he was seeking for more than just a friend. He told here that he was having problems with his fiance and that they're broken up and she is getting ready to move out with the kids. I'm still having conversations with my fiance as an anonymous internet girl. As the days go by, my fiance is more and more interested in this internet girl and the conversations got hot and heavy. Am I deceitful to have done what i did..?......
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2006): No of course not.You were curious so you looked.There is no law against this.After all he souldn't have anything to hide on his pc.I personally think the things he has been saying are wishes to his mind.About you breaking up and leaving.If i were you i would grant his wish and leave.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2006): When you did what you did, you were just acting on your instincts. I think you are really smart to have found out about this jerk this way.
Don't give him a chance to explain, he will make it look like you are the one cheating. Ask him to leave and don't stay there for an answer or explanation. You have your kids to think about. He is a pathetic looser. Break all ties with him before he does more harm.
Good luck sweets... I hope everything works out fine for you.
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A
female
reader, Hopeful +, writes (28 March 2006):
 I agree with the other posts. What you did wasn't ideal but you had to find out and it was a way to do it.
I think you need to end the conversation between him and the "imaginary" girl and do what Lisa says, print them out and show him and then tell him to hit the road.
What a creep! You and your kids deserve better than him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2006): I find it somewhat sad that you find out, your fiancee is likely planning to 'step out and cheat on you' and you are.... much more concerned about whether YOU are deceitful?? What's wrong with this picture? Let him know you won't tolerate this BS. Sheesh!
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A
female
reader, lisa_01  +, writes (28 March 2006):
 NO your not being deceitful, he is. i think you should print out copies of all the coversations you have had with him and leave them were he wil see them and pack up your stuff and leave, he will totally freak out. he is cheating on you and you can do so much better then that, dont blame this on yourself he is the one cheating on you instead of working out any problems your relationship might have, in other words his too lazy to save this relationship so he goes with the easier option of finding someone else. you have the evidence i know it would be difficult to leave him but i agree with PrunellaGringepith this is just going to get worse if you dont get out now, you can do so much better, dont waste your time with this guy, save yourself the pain.please keep us informed on what you end up doing.
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A
female
reader, PrunellaGringepith +, writes (27 March 2006):
 Alright, yes this might have been a little decietful, but you had reason to suspect when you saw the conversations he had benn having. And whether or not what you did was right it doesn't change the fact that he is cheating online, or at least wants to cheat. If he is doing this now, when you are not even married yet, things will only get worse down the line.
My advice to you is to confront him on this one immediately, don't let him try to turn it into your fault, and get rid of this one as soon as you can, once a cheat, always a cheat.
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