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female
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anonymous
writes: Several days ago my boyfriend and i got back together after splitting up two weeks previously. The reason for our break up was because he cheated on me twice, the second time after he'd just dropped me home from an evening out with friends and telling me he loved me. He dumped me in a text message that night! His reason was simply that he wasn't ready to be in a relationship. I was so upset, hurt and angry. I hadn't seen it coming at all and thought things were perfect. The following evening i went out with friends and met a lovely guy in a pub, who seems to be very genuine and sweet. I shall call him guy x. We exchanged numbers and kept in contact. However, a couple of days later i saw my boyfriend at a club and all my feelings for him came back. All i wanted was for us to be together again. I got very upset and and emotional, so we sat down and he explained how he needed time to sort his head out, because although he really cares about me he doesn't think he is ready to have a relationship. I have been told by some of his friends that he is a bit of a player and likes to be with lots of girls. Having said this, i really can't imagine not being with him, our two week separattion was torture.Several days later guy x asked me if i wanted to go out for a drink. I agreed. We had a great evening and got on really well. The problem was though, i couldn't stop thinking about my boyfriend. I explained to him about wanting to take things slowly as i had just come out of a relationship and he seemed to understand.A few days later my boyfriend phoned me saying he needed to talk to me although still hadn't sorted his head out and was very confused as to what he wanted. He came round and we sat in his car for 3 hours talking everything through. He told me how much he missed not being with me and that he really cares about me, but he is unable to be faithful in a relationship, his excuse being "it's the way i am". Therefore he thought he couldn't be a good boyfriend and didn't want to hurt me anymore because i mean too much to him, which was why he dumped me. However, before he left my house he came to the conclusion that he couldn't not be with me as he believes we're soulmates. So we agreed to give the relationship another go. At the time i was really happy about this as, even after he treated me terribly, i really do love him and want to be with him, if only i could completely trust him. The next day guy x txt me asking me out again. I replied saying that i had too much college work this week so was unable to. I have been told by a mutual friend that he really likes me. Although i like him aswell i can't seem to be able to think about anyone other than my boyfriend.So my problem is which guy do i choose?! I have never been in this kind of situation before and am so confused. I don't want to be hurt by my boyfriend again, yet i desperately want to be with him. Guy x on the other hand is extremely sweet and seems very different to my boyfriend.
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cheated on me, exchanged numbers, got back together, his ex, my ex, player, soulmate, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2006): I don't think you should choose to be with your boyfriend. His saying that he thinks you two are soulmates and that he loves you too much to hurt you and accepting that he has a problem... ALL things guys like him say to keep their women.
I once knew a guy like that, in fact we were living together for a year before I realized he can't be helped and decided to move on. Getting over him is the hardest thing I ever had to do, but now when I look back, I'm glad I did.
I know you are very vulnarable right now and I'll bet your boyfriend can see that and that is why he won't leave you alone. You see, guys like him are never satisfied with one woman... they are the ones that think too much into the sayin 'variety is the spice of life'. Trust me, you DON'T want to be one of his MANY woman. Choose the other bloke. Give him your best shot. And whatever you do, don't discuss your boyfriend with him.
I can't tell you how much I want you to just leave your boyfriend. I have been through the same. I really thought my ex was one of his kind... but, now I know there are more like him. He is not going to change... not for you, not for anyone!
Good luck darlin... I hope you fare well with this one.
A
female
reader, lisa_01  +, writes (28 March 2006):
 im going to be totally honest with you, i think that you need to face the reality of this situation you have with your boyfriend,you say that you don't want to be hurt by your boyfriend again yet he has already told you that he can't be faithful and thats just the way he is, mind you i think that him saying "thats just the way i am" is a load of bullsh*t and that is not a valid reason, the fact of the matter is there is no reason for that type of deceitful behaviour and i think he needs to grow up, and i think you should listen to your friends about him ,he is very much and player and he is playing you, if he thinks you two are soul mates and he does love you then why cannot he be faithful and prove his love?,you see he can't because his just telling you what you want to hear. cut ties with your boyfriend and move on,yes i know you love him but do you really want to waste your time on someone who does not love you or share the same values? and you will never get over what he did to you, the trust will always be a issue. this new guy on the other hand sounds very nice, he understands that your just coming out of a relationship and i think he likes you for you , its really your choice what you end up doing ,good luck with your decision,please keep us posted.
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