A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:i've been seeing a man for 2 months, he's attractive, never married, no kids, but doesnt express how he feels about me. i'm not expecting love or anything as he's 43 and i'm 42 and taking things slow, as we are both getting over ex's. but he doesnt appear to find me attractive, or tell me that i am other than i have lovely eyes but hasnt said that for a few weeks now! He's a decent guy, works as a self employed mechanic, but he's abit introverted and his texts are just about what he's been doing, not about missing me or wanting to see me, even though we spend weekends doing things together! I asked for a cuddle before going home on sunday but he made an excuse and then cuddled one of his four dogs! the text he sent me later that night said all the things he'd done since i'd left and that he was relaxing and having a cuddle with his dog! then i sent a text last night saying goodnight and something slightly flirty and he just said good night and that again he was having a cuddle with his dog!!! so i just sent a text back saying lucky you! by his own admission he finds it hard to hold conversations, as i am shy too i gave him a try to see if we could develop a relationship. i'm wondering why he's seeing me! we're both probably just lonely! but i have no one to chat to about him and wonder what you guys thought? should i forget him? or stick with it?i'm also wondering if he's mildly aspergers.
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (4 August 2009):
 It sounds like this guy has probably been hurt in the past and finds it hard to open up to women. A lot of men out there are like this - they may really like a woman but are completely unable to express their feelings for her!
You mention that you might be together because you are both lonely - is this the case for you? Are you only with him because he is some company for you or do you actually have feelings for this man? I think it is important to figure out your position in this relationship first - and there is nothing wrong in admitting that you are only with him because of lonliness, we have all been there before! I was with a guy for a little while purely because I wanted the company, I was lonely after coming out of a messy break-up and I liked the idea of dating again. When I realised that this guy was completely wrong for me and I wasnt actually attracted to him, I knew I had to end it because it is better to be alone than to settle for someone who isnt quite right.
But if you do have feelings for the man and would like to take this further, then maybe you need to have a chat with him about his inability to express his feelings. Explain to him that you like him and want to see where this relationship can go, but at the moment you feel that he doesnt communicate very well with you and that you are missing the romantic aspect that should be in a relationship at the start. This might give you some insight about the way he is and the reasons behind it!
So I guess it is up to you to decide if you are just settling for him because you are lonely or if you really like him and want this to work? Then you need to take it from there!
I hope this helps and good luck!
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