A
female
age
36-40,
*iyoko
writes:So, my boyfriend (10 years older) has two kids from when he knocked up his girlfriend (which he married) in highschool. They are now divorced, and she doesn't let him see them anymore but he still wants to send money and support them.We are considering marriage but... the kid thing bothers me, and I can't stop thinking about how if we have kids together it won't be as special because it won't be new for us to figure out together. I'm also worried as they grow up they might want to be join our family/life and throw things into an awkward balance.Am I overreacting? Is there anything anyone can say that will help me better accept the situation..advice, or experience in a said situation?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2007): I don't think you are mature or old enough to get married. You may want to just find someone your own age, get to know them, then consider marriage in a few yrs. when you're both ready & are considering a family. I just had a baby & it's special that my man & I went through all the learning about babies & child birth together. It is special, & if this is bothering you, then maybe you need to both move on because he's going to resent you if you tell him (or it shows) how you feel abt. his kids. Also, there are going to be $ issues, and you will probably bring up the fact that he doesn't even see his kids so why send them money, & it's just not going to go well.
A
female
reader, Jovial  +, writes (26 June 2007):
 hi
im sorry i have to agree with eddie. this guy came to you with everything he has got and u accepted him which means kids included. if he finds out that is how you feel about his kids i dont think he will still consider marrying you, you seem so wrong for him and himso wrong for you. i dont know how u can say u love him yet u cant accept his children who happens to be part of him. he is already dealing with his ex who denies him access to his children i dont think he will appreciate your attitude.
if u love him accept his children and it will mean something to him. if you dont want them then move on.
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (26 June 2007):
 Well, first of all you need to accept that he has kids. They are alive and well and will always be around. I hope he treats them as well as you'd like him to treat yours, should you and he ever split up.
Your attitude stinks. From the first sentence, you've tried to minimize the importance of the kids be describing them as the product of him "knocking up" his girlfriend.
The reality is this, he comes with a history. You'd better change your state of mind or move on.
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