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anonymous
writes: I am having a sexual affair with this man. We are both married. The affair is nothing but sexual. We meet about once a month for no more than 2 hours. There is no calling in between meetings or any other form of communication. No lunches or dinners, nothing! Lately however he's been holding me really tight and tells me he misses me. So what's happening? don't get it. Then it's a cycle, same thing until the next meeting.
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male
reader, Really  +, writes (28 February 2009):
I am having an affair because my wife is not there emotionally and has not been a wife for 18 years.As a man I dont get how you can have an affair just for sex and blow it off so casually.I am struggling with leaving because I have recently lost my vision and want to prove to her she is the one at fault. If I thought for one second my relationship with my gilfriend was just about sex I would be better off paying a prostitute to take care of my needs.Let you husband go.You are obviously using him for something. Best of luck to you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2009): well you answered the question yourself you don't really care about what he thinks or his feelings are growing a little needier, so when the s--t hits the fan and everyone is hurt for life like his poor wife then at least you can say well it least it was hot going with somebody else's partner. Most people actually care about outcomes and other people feelings but let us know how you get on when his wife comes banging your door for revenge.Fantasy is not reality and I think you are confusing the 2 of them.Give the man a break and see if he stays with his wife or if he wants to commit properly to you at least that way you can live a decent and good life.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI thank you all for your comments. Although I no its NOT the right thing to do and I am being used the sex is sooo HOT I feel nothing matters at that time but the appointment. It's obvious we are missing something in our relationships, there is no doubt about that. I am a woman so I do fantasize about being with him in a relationship, and I do like it that he is getting closer to me, again I know it's just sexual. Will keep you posted about the next meeting.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2009): Well, he's becoming dependent on you to meet his once-a-month fantasy. Something he looks forward too. At the same time sad, because something is wrong with his marriage and instead of efforts to make it better, he's taking the easy fix with you.
He's loving the sex that you give him, not YOU AS A PERSON, because he doesn't even know who-you-are.
When your husband finds out, your sin-for-a-season will catch up with you. Please post back on your aftermath.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2009): What's happening is you are having an affair,an affair always ends up with someone or everyone involved getting hurt, you say it was only for sex but to most humans sex involves some level of affection and intimacy so very few people especially women can have sex without feelings, he is getting confused and mixed feelings, probably wants to know where it will all end up. how big the mess will be to clean up,unsure what will happen if you get caught, what a mess affairs are and how they screw up your everybeing.This well end badly for someone or everyone it always does.Let yourself and him go and get on with REALLY enjoying life without all the lies,mistrust and anguish all round, you don't even seem to love him as love should be, let him live again without this horrible situation.
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female
reader, PeanutButter  +, writes (23 February 2009):
 from personal experience i dont think this is going to end well - unless you are asking what this means because you WANT him to be getting closer to you?? regardless of your marriage, if you just want sex with this guy, you should ask him what he thinks is happening here - sometimes we get crossed wires and assume the other person wants something when they dont. if you can communicate with this man, you should. if you love your husband at all perhaps find time to re-invest in him before every1 gets hurt all round...we all make mistakes but its never too late to figure the situation out one way or another ...just be true to yourselfxx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2009): This is the problem with affairs, one partner always starts wanting something more. He is probably falling in love with you, it will get messy, so I suggest you end it and find someone else. Maybe your husband, if this is possible.
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male
reader, PeterPan +, writes (23 February 2009):
 Outside of the obvious marital issues (which I'm not going to lecture you on -- you're an adult and are aware of that side of things), I would have to guess that your partner is starting to equate sex with love/affection. Short answer: he is growing closer to you through all the sexual contact you've been having. Sometimes, we guys aren't smart enough to separate the act of love with the emotion of love... and they sometimes get all twisted up and confused. IMO, you've got a problem brewing (albeit in the early stages) if all you want out of this is a sexual relationship.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2009): If you read any literature on affairs you will see that alot of them start out as something 'purely sexual' - the old have your thrills bit with no 'strings'.
If you read some of the NUMEROUS posts on this site that cover this topic (I suggest you do) you might get the picture that one of the parties involved almost always gets emotionally attached and /or wants more from the the affair than the original arrangement. That's when more demands are made usually - and then it gets a whole lot messier. There is practically a formula for affairs!!
I am speaking from experience - only I was the victim. It is well over a year since my husband broke off an affair I discovered. Just last week he received an email from this other woman asking why they couldn't 'be friends' - she has been to our street, come to the park I play with my child in and has continued to email my husband - despite stating she is "moving on with her life" and despite no contact from my husband. She is VERY attached - still.
You think this affair is no big deal? Just sex? Noone should get hurt right? You're wrong - your trouble is just starting I suspect. Have you not thought about the fact that you are not dealing with a 'normal, rational person here - to enter into an affair in the first place means that something is fundamentally wrong or missing (yes with you too) - so this guy you're f%&*ing is getting some need met from you and the affair - and it sounds like it's more than just a screw now.
I don't know what you should do - my suggestion would be to stop seeing this guy and hope he just leaves you alone...if you continue you run the risk of him getting more attached and causing trouble but if you stop cheatng with him maybe he'll cause you trouble too? That's the risk you'll have to take. Maybe you should try thinking of the long term effects/consequences of your actions before you do things in the furture?
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female
reader, AllisonDro +, writes (23 February 2009):
you are being used. and also ruining a marriage while ruining your own. congrats!
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female
reader, JuJuxo +, writes (23 February 2009):
well 1st off u r being so wrong to ur husband as well as he is to his wife ...maybe he isnt clingy is because he realizes what he doing is wrong ...why stay married if u want an open relationship ..next time be4 u say i do think about what ur doing .. cause u r hurting the guys that loves u thats not fair to him ..thats selffish ...obviously u dont know what love is
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