A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm confused...erm if you read this your a saint! And if u even attempt to try and think about it and reply to me....well your officially the best!You see, I'm very confused about one of my friends...he's male, we went to college together but we have now left. Thing is I seem to feel we have a communication problem and its getting me down so much because he means the world to me he's like my best friend, we're so alike! Its just we had problems at college, people used to say stuff about us and they didn't like us being friends(I'm not totally sure why this started or how it happened) but once we started our second year there we sat together permanently and after a few months things improved quite a bit. We used to go to these gigs, no necessarily together but we used to hang round together there and used to meet up occasionally with some others. It was the best days of my life!thing is after a while people started saying stuff and assumed everywhere I went outside of college he was with me. Weird thing was if we were alone at college in the morning we would talk most of the time, sometimes he was still awkward with me and wanting to go and find the others but other times we'd talk fine and he'd start telling me about stuff he's been doing and just talking in general. Sometimes he's fine and others its like he cant wait to get away from me.Well we left college hardly spoke hardly saw each other but when we did we spoke quite a bit got on fine etc. Still i hardly spoke to him since. Thing is I don't understand and I'm so confused. For example tonight..he came up to the pub and he said hi to everyone then sorta looked sound at me and said hi once i looked up..i know there was other people there but we hardly spoke, and then when we were ore or less alone for all of 5mins we hardly spoke, if we do talk its about people we know or something. Then at the end he said im off shook out mates hand and looked at me said bye and waved(god knows y he waved like that lol) anyway I went down with him where he was with his dad i said I'm off and he said alright bye and I said "giss a hug then" and so he did, not the longest I've ever had from him but it was one of the nicest. But at times its like he couldn't wait to go or something I don't know anymore. We met up the other week because I needed to talk to him about something. At first it was just like always, not knowing what to say but it was fine after that. Thing is he's not like really shy or anything he seems confident enough around other friends and just rambles onto them. He has to me occasionally i think its when the mood strikes him.Im not sure what to think. I could see why we were awkward at college, we weren't great outside college either but we were much better apart from when it all got good again for that short period of time and then we were like best mates!I'm so confused and its getting me down so much, he's one of the nicest guys ul ever meet so please don't say don't bother with him why would you wanna be friends with himLike one minute we;re fine the next we aren't and I don't understand because we know each other well enough why is there this weird tension, well not tension but I'm a bit shy anyway and don't always know what to say but he can talk for England when he wants. I know there was other people there tonight but tbh it shouldn't be like this. Also I don't understand why we hardly ever talk he says I'm a great friend him and everything so why do we hardly speak. Has he got some sort of problem or what because I'm starting to thin he secretly hates me but then again I know someone he hates and he gets on with them anyway just to be civil with them.Please help me what could be going on. Have you ever come across this before? In one way we're fine but in another we aren't and its the talking part that lets us down so much and I fear it will damage this friendship permanently soon! Its not really about asking him what he's been doing and stuff its general conversation and making each other laugh etc.
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best friend, period, shy Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2009): yup he likes u
i did the same thing to my friend
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2009): Maybe you should just straight up ask him... is there anything wrong? Ive been noticing youre on and off with me- hot and cold (like that song by katy perry lol). Are we good friends? ...
Do you like this guy? Seems like you do. Maybe you should just tell him exactly how you feel and let him do what he wants with the information while you carry on with life happier once you got that off your chest
Goodluck :)
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A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (22 August 2009):
 I think your reading way too much into this and taking everything so seriously.
Everyone has different views on what makes a good friendship.
Have you considered maybe this is how he views friendship: sometimes he can be himself and be sociable with you and at other times he likes to withdraw to be with himself or others?
I understand you are shy but if you feel a bit freaked by his behavior why dont you be honest and ask him why he behaves like that?
you dont have to be rude but the next time you guys hang out you can ask him as a friend why he goes hot and cold with your friendship.
Im sure he likes you but remember we all view friendship differently.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Original shiraz! +, writes (22 August 2009):
Well firstly i dont feel that you should ignore him or cut him out your life, its obvious he has such a huge influence in your life and he matters to you. The thing is i think hes scared of everyon elses opinion. You have a very close relationship and that others struggle to accept and assume must be more, in this day and age you simply cant have to people of the opposite sex being close without it being more. Its unfair yet common and youll find most people who know you both will have thought about it at some point. Hes seen the reactions and its scared him.I dont think he hates you, you know each other too well for that, sometimes even friends grow apart without realising it, you dont want that and your willing to fight for it, carry that through. I think its common, you go through so much only for it to feel arkward in places, being with others makes things easier but you should be ok when your alone.Have you ever thought that hes holding back because his feelings have changed? for the better i mean, maybe he likes you more than hes letting on or it may just be that so much is going on and youve both forgotten whats important. Try talking to him about it, you need the truth and you both need to know where you stand, dont let what you have go wasted on something that could be so simple to resolve. Some people get so used to each other they fall nto a routine imagine the married coupple life, as friends the honeymoon was years ago and youve become acustomed to each ohers life. Its almost like regaining the spark. You have enough love and emotion left in the friendship to gain back what once was, best of luck and apologies if this was a complex answer with so many options or ways he could be thinking, get the truth by talking it through with him.
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A
female
reader, kittykhaos +, writes (22 August 2009):
 Have you ever thought he may be into you ? I had this with my best friend we had ok communication all though he is quite shy but we were inseparable through college 2 years later out of the blue amidst some weirdness he told me he was in love with me. Maybe he as some feelings for you but he doesn't know how to express himself. Its just a theory I'm throwing out there lol
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