A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:My partner and I have been together for almost 40 years. We are two men who share almost everything: a very successful but complex and timeconsuming business, all our property, our bank accounts, our holidays, plus we spend weekends amd free time writing together (one book published, two scripts optioned for movies, one movie co produced by us). We live together, clean house together, eat dinner together every night and on Saturday night we go out for our one meal a week in a restaurant together. What we do not share are our beds. We met and fell in love as grad students. Neither of us had ever had sex with a man before but a month after we met we had moved in together and left our girlfriends. A year later we had left the country for a new life abroad with no money but a lot of ideas. The following year the sex thing finished for good and we started getting involved with other people, but since we were totally alone abroad (his parents dead, mine unable to accept my choice of life partner) we relied totally on each other and trusted each other unconditionally. We have had separate bedrooms, seoarate bathrooms and separate sex partners for decades but are a lot more 'married' than most straight couples I know. We clicked from the start on an intellectual level but our personalities are totally different. He was always the risktaker and coolheaded business strategist, me the details man and PR person. We look, talk and dress so differently nobody even assumes we are as close as we are, just business partners. In our personal lives he has been with two other (bi) guys he has seen off and on once a week for an hour for the last 25 years, i have been casually (and sometimes not) casually involved with a whole Macey's parade of men and women. So now after so many years together when we should be more understanding of each other we are getting more and more on each other's nerves. I feel like whoever I am as a person was lost in exchange for maintaining this relationship, he flat out says I'm mentally unbalanced, impossible to live with and every other day we are arguing about something. But together we have achieved so much. Our contrasting personalities compliment each other perfectly in everything we create together but in order to keep things running we need to spend most of our days together. If we split up i am afraid everything would collapse and neither of us is ready to start from scratch. We manage to bring out the best and the worst in each other. He has always had the final say on everything and usually his choices are right. He never gets tired of reminding me of my bad choices in relationships (all doomed from the start), my mood shifts and all my other defects, lately in public as well which I have always hated seeing other people do. I have always given 100% and compromised to his needs and priorities, even when they are at oddswith my own. And most of the time he was right on business and personal levels. He's an exceptionally focused, intelligent and sensitive man, way above the norm on all levels and I trust him, sometimes more than I trust myself. We've proven that we are unbeatable as a team but we are drving each other nuts. What should I do?
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male
reader, jp21  +, writes (21 July 2010):
 well sence your guys have such a striving busness could you add more ppl to help you out. The plus side to adding more ppl, more ideas, more gets done and more free time for you guys.
As for you and him, hmm.. well! do you want to be with him still. it kinda reminds me of (will & grace) tv show/ lifetime, the sad thing is that grace was a girl so i can see why that wouldn't work. best friends both ways.
I think if both of you slept with a guy at the same time, it would make more sence to me/ as a 3-some.
Personally I would move-out, because your in seprate rel-ships. And its falling apart on you and he kinda sounds like this guy i was dating controling always had to be right.
"I feel like whoever I am as a person was lost in exchange for maintaining this relationship."
"He has always had the final say on everything and usually his choices are right. He never gets tired of reminding me of my bad choices in relationships (all doomed from the start)"
if your choices are so bad in this rel-ship why not get out. you have lost your self and i think you should leave and find your self again.
A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify  +, writes (19 July 2010):
 spend less time together- you need to get more friends and a wider social life. this strange arrangement has made up for the lack of family contact you both suffer from and eventually you WILL have enough of one person. if you work well together as a team then keep that but try to balance your life with other people besides those you have sex with i.e REAL friends. you two have relied on each other for socialising too much and now the strain is starting to show, because you lack balance between what you two have (which is almost family) and friends and aquaintances that would give much needed alternative perspectives and time away from each other.
get some hobbies, branch out more with other people and get a life cos cleaning and cooking are no release from the daily grind that you two work well together on.
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