A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:So me and my colleague started to like each other so we exchanged numbers. I wasn't looking for anything serious because of the age difference but I was sexually attracted to him, and it appeared mutual. We were texting and we decided to go out together. There was lots of touching on his part but because this was the first time going on a date with a guy I was a bit shy. He kissed me. It was enjoyable.Exams came up and we couldn't go out for about 3 weeks but we decided we would meet up after they were over. So we set a day and we were both very excited. However I got sick earlier in the week and told him I might not be well enough to meet him. Then all of a sudden his texts turned a bit strange. As in he told me he didn't believe me and that he's 'used to be disappointed by women' and that 'that's all they seem to be good at' and that 'I wouldn't care because I'm just like them' and that I'm 'too shy and don't even speak'. Even if this may have been causal encounters it kind of hurt but I tried not to take it personally. He knew it was my first time doing anything like this, what did he expect? Even when I was talking to him he was being quite vague.I text him a couple of days later asking him how he was, but he was very blunt and indifferent, so I asked him if he was still interested and he 'no not really lol, we had our chance'. I don't understand. I beginning to think he had lost interest before but didn't say anything or I might have accidentally triggered some of his emotional baggage. I texted him back saying I felt led on and he replied saying that 'I don't even speak' and that we weren't right for each other. I don't understand what his intentions were? I'm just very confused because he did have concerns about my inexperience before and we did talk about relationships but I didn't expect anything. Was I in the wrong? Was I being too shy or just cautious? What do you think this says about him and should I bother trying to get his interest again after being quiet rude and suddenly to being interested anymore?Thanksss.
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exchanged numbers, shy, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone.
We both dropped each other, but he was such an asshole to me. I knew from the beginning but I ignored my gut instinct. I will just be myself and grow from this.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (9 July 2017):
 People can only treat you bad when you let them. You have to isolate yourself from this situation and look at it from the outside point of view. He basically asked you a question, "have fun or not." All you had to reply is no. No need to analyze his motives. This is the first time you had a let down. You have to toughen up and accept that many people lose the ability to love and it is up to you to stay strong and have faith. You can still be cordial when you see him. His social awkwardness is his problem. You don't need to be dragged down by this.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe texted me back asking if 'I still wanted to have fun'. I didn't respond because I was annoyed at how he thought he could speak to me like he did and still have the audacity to get a hook up or anything at all. He texted again saying that he 'wants me' and I responded saying 'why do you want me?' Which he didn't respond to. At work he barely acknowledged my presence which bugs me because I wished he would have been more mature than this? I feel down when I see him because I did want him and no one wants to be treated like air. I think I might have gotten attached the the attention he gave me. It might have given me a sense of validation. But I still feel a bit hurt by the way he treated me and I have a burning desire to make it right.Thank you everyone, this was a bit of a learning experience for me. But I still don't know what he is trying to do. Id he playing mind games? Thanks again.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (7 July 2017):
 It sounds to me like he was never interested romantically. Maybe as a hook up yes but he lost interest when you cancelled very quickly which means he is not prepared to give you a chance, either that or he is playing mind games with you, which is very dangerous. Send him a message say goodbye agree you both missed your chance and don't reply back to him.
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female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (5 July 2017):
 The only thing he got right was; "you weren't right for each other."
This older man is a total fruit loop and of cause he was sexually attracted to you... you're young totally naive and he's got a penis hasn't he!?
This guy totally hung his dirty laundry out about how he thinks about ALL women! ("He’s 'used to be disappointed by women' 'that's all they seem to be good at' and that 'you wouldn't care because you're just like them." I warn you; that my dear is an emotional blackmailer, a victim mentality at work. Indeed he's someone to be very cautious of!
His intentions where to use you, treat you like trash as punishment for ALL the other women who have disappointed him!
He took the liberty in groping you on the first date; he had NO CONCERN for your health and immediately trashed you like ALL those other women. He being “rude” is a gross understatement.
Take Care Be Cautious – CAA
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe's 26 I'm 18
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female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (4 July 2017):
 You mentioned an age difference .... how much older than you is he, this could have a HUGE bearing how some of us would answer your question, for example if the age gap is just a few years and you are both still quite young his motivations would be way different to his motivations, and how I would answer, if the age gap is much greater.
I hope you check back in and tell us his age.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (4 July 2017):
He definitely has emotional baggage. If I hear someone says they are sick my response would be "what can I do to help, hope you feel better." I would be questioning if that was just an excuse but I would keep that to myself and just trust the good in people. To just say all women are the same is rude and it shows that he does not have a healthy attitude towards relationships. He jeopardized any chances before you said anything. Being quiet and introverted is not a bad thing. What he means when he says "you don't speak" is that he expects or prefers you to take the lead so he doesn't have to think weird thoughts like you may be rejecting him. Only insecure men want women to do everything for them so they don't have to think. Yeah, leave that job for women so men never have to mess up I guess. Socially awkward people would expect a relationship just magically land on them because they are oh so magnificent. If it doesn't, it's automatically the other person's faults. That kind of thinking is immature and it shows that they don't take responsibility of their part. Inexperience should not be a problem in relationships as they are a two way street. You both learn from each other as time goes. I saw that you showed him enough interest. He's the one who shied away because he's messed up himself because of past mistakes. You may think because he's older so he should know better but no, more like he's a kid inside and therefore he considered someone young like you. Just leave him alone with his sick thoughts.
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