A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello all, I am having trouble understanding why I have so many issues attracting or being approached by women at bars and other public places. I dress well, believe i am attractive, have a good personality but I get no interest whatsoever from females (and it's not any better either when I make the approach).People around me (neighbors, coworkers) do not understand why I am single and think it's intentional so I can sample the field.Someone mentioned that I may send a vibe that I am needy but there are times where I keep an absolutely positive attitude and still nothing. There are times when I go with a friend and we both have the exact same attitude, which many times is going in there just to have a drink with neither of us looking or talking to anybody. We would just be talking to eachother when at some point a female would tap them in the back or just start flirting with them never even looking my way.This puzzles me and although I am pretty confident, it's been affecting my self esteem.Thanks.
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co-worker, flirt, self esteem Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke  +, writes (24 April 2013):
 Give dating websites a go. They work for many people. They're an easy way to meet people. Avoid the free ones though.
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (24 April 2013):
If I didn't see the 'male' at the top I'd swear this was written by a woman. How about instead of waiting for women to pick you up, you do the picking up?
I've never had issues with women, but I've hardly ever been approached by them, either. That's just not how it normally works, so you should try and stop waiting for it.
I can tell you have a needy vibe as well, just from this post. Try to squish that however you can. Stop being afraid of rejection, it's not personal.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (24 April 2013):
 THIS is the key phrase in your submittal: "...I may send a vibe ...."
WHY? Because when someone sends a vibe, that can cancel out ALL ELSE that they are "doing" to try to be attractive to, and/or approach others who trigger their fancy....
There's no real telling you how to reduce or eliminate "the vibe"... BUT it seems to thrive on peoples' concern that they SHOULD attract interest, but aren't doing so..... RELAX!!!!
Good luck...
P.S. I'll grant you permission to use my best "line" to break the ice with the ladies. That is... you saunter up to her and say, "Hey, pretty lady, do you have any plans for the next 35-or-so years?"
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (24 April 2013):
 Online dating is BS. You lack self confidence. If u had it youd be the one approaching women n doing it nonstop rejection or not. Get it together. Hold eye contact with women. Dont cross ur legs in a bar setting it screams p###y. Dont dress up wear somethin casual but nice. Women dig that shit man. Approach women shake their hands or smile n look at their eyes or face. In two minutes of approach a woman will read if ur confident n cool n comfortable. I kno this from experience. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2013): OP you should try other ways of meeting people, try online dating ( yeah I know there are only losers online, well maybe not, give it a go), speed dating whatever, but maybe the bar thing isn't working, oh and ask a good female friend if she thinks there's something wrong in your manner that puts people off, maybe you look too serious, have bad breath, bad teeth, smokes, I had a good friend tell me that I pouted a lot which came as a surprise I had never notice that I did that as a sign of displeasure, sometimes we do things we don't notice but other people do.
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