A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my bf for 2years and everything was going goodUntil I found out he was ceasing on me with prostitutes and girls from clubs!!! To cut things short I broke up with him and Im trying to move on despite the fevt that I'm devastated aa I would have never expected or thought he would do such thing not only because I trusted him with my whole life but simply because I didn't think he would stoop so low! The thing is I believe in sex after marriage and he was aware of this right from the beginning of our relationship! My views contridict everyone elses arounde they thinkHe didn't cheat as he wasn't having an affair with anyone and that his a guy so he has "needs" So my question is what is your views on the topic? Was I too naive to think he would wait for me another 4/5 years.. Im hurt and upset I don't believe in this whole need theory coz of this need isn't coming from me then he shouldn't want it from anyone else right?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Outspoken1016  +, writes (31 December 2010):
 He didnt cheat did you really say that? A man has needs? So do women! The fact that he lied to you...went behind your back...and slept with other people is cheating...it's the very defination of cheating.
If you want to wait until you are married then find a man who has the same beliefs as you and life will be much easier on you. The reasons why he did it dont really matter...how your going to move on and repair your heart does!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2010): "I don't believe in this whole need theory"
And, you shouldn't. He can easily masturbate.
"with prostitutes and girls from clubs"
He's a cheater, pure and simple. Move on, wait for someone who values you more.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2010): That whole ''I am a man and I have needs' is SUCh a pile of crap, not to mention outdated. The truth of the matter is, that you ex does not have any self control.
If he felt he couldn't be faithful to you with your no sex rule, then fair enough he should have just told you and moved on. Instead, he decided to cheat and that is the real problem.
My view point is this: wait until you feel ready to have sex. If you can find someone who will wait with you (without cheating) great if not they they are not worth your time. Secondly, don't buy into 'a an has needs' we ALL have needs. Not just men or children or cats. We ALL have needs, and we should aim to get them met. However, that does not mean that you do anything and everything to get them met, there are ways of doing things and that is with integrity.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2010): I feel your pain, as I too practiced abstinence until marriage until I met my current husband. (We didn't make it to marriage, but that's a different story...)
You shouldn't be too hard on yourself. He really sounds like he would use any excuse to step out on you, and having sex with a sex worker seems risky in terms of STD's when you did get married. That, and he clearly doesn't share your value system. All in all it wasn't much of a loss.
As for your expectations of him: I would probably re-think the idea of making a man wait 4-5 years for marriage/sex. First, you're already working with a limited dating pool because of your beliefs. Nothing wrong with that, but why make it harder than it has to be? In other words, make marriage a top priority in your life. Most people only wait that long because they are having sex and the guy won't commit. In other words, the have the opposite problem. Don't push marriage on a guy during the first month or two, but don't waste your time either. You can usually figure out if he's marriage material within a few dates, and whether he's interested in marriage within a couple of months.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2010): You're a strong woman. Stick to your beliefs. He is clearly not the one for you. Sharing that intimacy is the ultimate gift and he of course cannot understand that in the least. I'm a guy and I waited. We do exist. I'm far from being a prude and have a very high sex drive. There is nothing wrong with you. If he was really interested, he could masturbate while waiting. Too late for that and beyond that he is not trustworthy. Move on and don't try to understand this dude because there is nothing really to understand besides someone with low moral character. Waste of time. Move on. Spend your time and energy on someone who deserves it. Your future partner/boyfriend/husband will only think highly of you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2010): The guy had been with you for two years so he knows you as a person, what you want and where your headed. He was well aware of your beliefs etc and so personally i think what he did was wrong, disrespectful and what id class as cheating. If you love a person and you stay with them for a long period of time chances are your in for the long haul, if he wasnt willing to sit it out he should of let you know rather than hurting you this kind of way and continuing the relationship.
Always stick with what you believe in, regardless of if others agree, were individulas at the end of the day. You werent naive, you were trusting and in love. When thats broken in such a way you never really get back from it without the doubts remaining there so i think it was really wise and strong of you to stick to your guns and walk away, i know i would have. best of luck :)
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A
male
reader, Myau  +, writes (31 December 2010):
 Well, I could give you a long winded answer, but the truth is simple.You know what you want and whats important to you, thats all that matters really.Just put him in the lemon basket, and meet the one you are ment to be with.
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