A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:It had taken me a long time to get over a guy that I fell hard for. We had great chemistry but never wanted to make me his girlfriend. He's 34 and has joint custody of his son with an ex. I am just thirty, independent, hard working carreer woman. I have men chasing me from all ages. Some have been begging for my attention. Ever since I've found out that he's been in a relationship with a girl ten years younger I've been somewhat affected. She's very immature loves to go out dress trashy and drink. I don't know why he's able to commit to her. Next to her he looks like her father. I couldn't help myself but I contacted him in a very cordial manner. We've been messaging for about a week now. He did slip in the word girlfriend but continues to chat with me with very prompt responses. I must out out there our relationship was not consistent. He would often disappear once it became intense. I've dated and fallen for other men but I don't want to stop keeping tabs on him. Before this point the last time we spoke was nine months ago. I don't want to let it go but I know that I should. I wish I knew why he would make someone like her his girlfriend yet still entertain conversations with me?
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou all have been very helpful. Thank you. I will leave it be. Let him enjoy his little relationship where he doesn't have to make any real moves like marriage. To see him with someone like her has made him less attractive. It's almost pathetic. He's a fool!
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (4 November 2011):
 Let it go, he isn't worth it. Obviously he has a rather "trashy" taste, maybe that is why he doesn't want a relationship with you? You just don't "fit" into what he wants. He might be one of those guys who prefer younger women because he thinks they are easier to deal with. Him all of a sudden talking to you again can have two reasons, 1. he wants to reel you back in ( he likes you being interested even 9 months later) 2. he is an attention whore or bored with his GF.
Why waste any more time on him?
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A
female
reader, iloveblue  +, writes (4 November 2011):
 I have known a bunch of guys and they all behave like this either with me or with a friend or someone else I know who is caught in a situation same like yours.
You know, guys whether they feel anything for you or not, will always welcome you with open arms when you contact them or show interest. Especially if they know they can get something from you like sex or money. That's the main point about guys in general. Some would really ignore you if they don't have feelings for you but that would be just for the very few guys out there. Your "guy" it seems is not one of them, which is not at all surprising.
The point is, it doesn't mean he still talks to you that he has feelings for you. Sorry dear.You have to learn this about guys as early as now.
Another thing is, don't you think it is enough that he has declared himself in a relationship with a younger girl to show what an insult this is for you? I mean, what more clue to we have to look for here? He clearly doesn't mind hurting you and clearly doesn't care how you react. You're still in touch with him and you started it too, so he gets it that he has a power over you.
Wake up dear. You are only 31, you still have a lot of time to meet the right guy who will actually commit to you. Do not waste time with this guy anymore. It will hurt ofcourse to move on from him, but better heal now than later.
Believe me, I was in the same situation as you and looking back now, I wish I had realized it sooner what amount of time I wasted. I had wasted a whole year for a guy like your guy now. So I really feel how you feel.
And look now, I am much better without him and I am with a better guy 100-fold.
Chin up. The earlier you work on this, the better. Trust me!
But it's
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (4 November 2011):
 Because you resumed contact , and that makes him think that you are interested and that if he gives you enough rope, you'll end up hanging yourself, i.e. let him get into your pants and act as a convenient bit on the side, or plan B.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI never thought he loved me. My question is not for the past. I know he just wanted to sleep with me. But if he's in a relationship why does he talk to me after not speaking for nine months. Why would you entertain convo with a girl who means nothing? I date lots but still think of him. The site changed my question I know he was never with her while we would see eachother. In fact I stopped contacting him once I met someone.
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A
female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (4 November 2011):
 Did you post this message as well?
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-do-i-know-if-hes-truly-serious.html
He doesn't want to commit to you because he doesn't love you. It's that simple. You may have had great chemistry, but that doesn't mean he sees your relationship going anywhere outside the bedroom. If you have men chasing you, I suggest you jump back into the dating pool. Use it to your advantage and be distracted. Obsessing over the one who would not commit is not an attractive look for any woman, nor is it going to nurse your ego and self-esteem.
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