A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I'm very distressed because my partner and I split up a few months ago and recently saw each other around Christmas time but didn't sleep together. We have unresolved issues and I wanted to meet to talk to him. We still have feelings for each other but he now says he is going to go on a date with someone which really upset me. He was speaking to me every day on the phone up until a couple of weeks ago when we argued. It is all very messy because he has anger issues and he blames me for everything etc ... I have texted him and phoned him and now he just slams the phone down on me and says he will not meet me. We were in love and were together for ten years and our children knew each other and we spent holidays and birthdays together and now it is as i don't exist. He said if I come to his place uninvited to see him he will call the police and report me for harrassment. I don't understand his behaviour and if he does report me and shows that i have been texting, what would happen to me. I was just texting asking him to meet up and telling him how I felt. I texted back saying I cant stop you reporting me but I was just asking to meet and talk this over and its not a big ask etc ... Some of my friends think he is making it up about the date just to hurt me. He can be very verbally abusive and makes sexist and racist comments so there is a dark side to him but I have seen his good side, although I get disgusted with his dark side and so does his son. The thing is he is a policeman and he presents well initially and is very affectionate and loving and then as you get to know him you see the dark side coming out.Was i wrong to text and ask to meet? especially since he came to see me recently and we were hugging each other and there was affection there etc .. I feel so confused. I feel as though I really need to see him to sort this out and it is eating away at me and the thought of him going out with another woman is awful too. He criticises my looks even though everyone that knows us says that I am the more vibrant attractive intelligent half of the couple. Has he driven me a bit mad or is this just a normal reaction to the problems re a long term relationship where we loved each other strongly?? Help. I am in a state of upset here and I would really appreciate any help. I think I need to calm down and get things in perspective. I feel like he has all the control and I cannot even function because of this. My friend told me to text him and say 'i hope your date goes well and Im sorry you feel like this but I wish you all the best' or something like that .. to regain some power but I just didn't feel able to do that and I am in a turmoil, even though a big part of me thinks what she says makes sense. I haven't slept for two nights and cant stop crying at the though of him with another woman.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2010): im going thru the exact same thing. only its been 7 months for me. im not any better.
A
female
reader, Sugarbuns  +, writes (4 February 2010):
 Regardless of how compassionate your text messages appear to be, the police will tell you to stop contacting, should he decide to notify them. I think your boyfriend has lost interest in you. I know it will be hard but I think you should immediately stop all contact. Don't call him, don't text him, don't drive by his house. Leave him totally and completely alone. Give it 3 weeks. If he doesn't initiate any form of contact with you himself, it's time to close the door on this relationship and move on. You cannot force someone to love you, or even talk to you if they do not want to and further prompting will only make you look like a pscycho. I know you are not! So pull the plug and find other people to be with until you've had time to find the right man again.
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A
female
reader, Petra at home  +, writes (4 February 2010):
Face it, it's over. Move on and get your life back. You are wasting too much energy on this. In particular, you don't really care for this guy, your feelings are hurt and you think this is how you should respond. Think of something you always wanted to do (take that French class, go rock climbing) and do it!
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