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female
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*unnydays
writes: My boyfriend and I have been going through lots of problems in the last month. We have been together almost 7 months now. In the last 4 days everything have improved immensley. He has started to act like himself again ie. wanting sex, giving me affection, talking long term etc.. Then yesterday I found out that he went on a date with another woman last week. He told me that he had drinks with a couple of guys from work. My friend actually saw him at a bar with another woman. I started to confront him and all I said was 'I feel truly gutted and found out something awful. Is there something that you are hiding and want to tell me'. Then he blurted it out. Said that the week prior one of his clients asked him out and he said yes. He reckons that he didn't fancy her but it felt so good for someone to want him. He said that we were having problems and that I had said that I was unhappy and if things didn't improve that I would walk away. Anyway he said that he hated every moment of the date (they went for a couple of drinks at a bar), couldn't stop thinking of me and realised what I mean to him. He was only with her for an hour and a half and got out as soon as he could. He has said he is sorry and doesn't deserve me but has asked that I give him another chance as he sees the future for us and won't give me up without a fight. He has promised to never do it again. I made the decision to forgive him and he is treating me like at the beginning. He has even given me the key to his house and asked if I want to move in. Its like the honeymoon stage all over again but I can't get it off my mind. I do believe he is telling me the truth but if we have problems again, will he do it again? The problem is he is an absolute babe. Tall, dark and handsome. I know that other girls will probably ask him out. Even when we are out girls hit on him but he has always been pretty blunt with them and not interested. Can I ever trust him? Should I trust him? Help please! Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Buty +, writes (8 August 2005):
I believe people learn from mistakes and from this situation the young man has learnt from his mistake. If I'm not wrong, there is a point you are telling me that he never enjoyed every single moment of the date because his mind was with you. If I believe him which I do...then give him another chance so that he proves he is worth your trust. The other thing that people must learn is that problems are the spices to every relationship. The more you overcome your problems in a relationship the more closer you get to your partner and even get to know his/her weak and strong points.
Thanks Buty
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2005): He has given you a reason to distrust him....so I would tell him he has to work hard at "earning back your trust". Don't hand it back over to him..that easily. You love him, you have forgiven him but.he has to work hard to prove to you that he's trustworthy individual and he needs to show you. If he wants this relationship to work..he will do it and then some! The truth is-in any relationship when times get tough..life gets strained/boring/mundane..a committed, trusting person does NOT make the clear cut 'choice" to date another-just to feel wanted and desired. That is an extremely egotistical, selfish thing to do and is highly disrespectful to his committment and love relationship with you. What gives him the right to USE another woman just to give his ego a boost. That was a demeaning thing to do to this woman! The honeymoon period you speak of..is his extreme guilt at work-he's sucking up, bigtime. There is a good chance he learned his lesson, he sincerely appreciates you and will never do this boneheaded thing again. But you don't know that. But time will tell..give it time because you have to ask yourself...will he date someone else, the next time your relationship hits a snag??? (and it will, all relationships do) or...will he come through and talk it out with you so the two of you can work at it together??
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