A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a relationship for nine years. It took me a while to decide I had fallen out of love because I do feel for this guy and we have bought a house together and have a cat. I hadn't left him because we were in so much debt I didn't see how I could afford to move out. One reason for my waning feelings was my ticking clock and the need to be getting on with marriage and babies. But lately things have improved. Our sex life is much better and we're not arguing as much. I'm trying to see if my feelings can be rekindled. But now he has asked me to marry him, and swept up in the moment I accepted. I don't know if I'm doing the right thing. I felt happy at first but now I'm scared. I also have an attraction to another man that won't seem to go away and I think he feels the same. I thought the engagement might help us fix our problems, but I need to know I'm doing the right thing before he goes to the expense of buying a ring. Obviously I don't know if my feelings for this other man are just unrequited infatuation. I don't know what to do.
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female
reader, bqagirl2692  +, writes (4 December 2007):
 I believe that you should just tell your fiance that maybe this isnt the right time to be getting married. Your not sure if your ready yet. Get married when you are absolutely positive about spending the rest of your life with him. If you have doubts, even if its just a small tiny one, then maybe marriage isnt in the picture for you yet. About this guy you are attracted to. Attraction isnt a BIG enough feeling that can be trusted to start a relationship with. We can be attracted to almost anyone but that doesnt mean we are IN LOVE or have STRONG feelings with them. Attraction is mostly based on physical desires...they dont come from the heart. So let your finace know that maybe its just not time yet. If he loves you, he'll understand. Dont feel obligated into getting married. Good luck!
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