A
female
age
51-59,
*eth dalton
writes:in june i made a very bad choice in my life..having been with the same man for 25 years.. a man i love so very very much ..mostly good years, not always happy years.. bickering, fighting and alot of silence .. now i see it was my life before and it could have been better.. i should have seen that it was a good life and in a moment of madness i met a man and was taken by the fact he thought i was beautiful and different i lied through and through to my husband.. i met this man on 3 occasions and only had sex with him once.. i did lie to my husband big time to go and meet this man and i did stay overnight with him i can not explain why i did this but it continued for 3 months only by texts back and forward to him..my husband found the phone with various texts and pictures he was very annoyed by what he had seen so he beat me up quite badly it has been madness since then we have no communication apart from when he will see our childreni can only say to anyone out there thinking of having an affair..think of the chaos and the aftermath ...i know i didntif anyone can see sense in this i would be thankful
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female
reader, beth dalton +, writes (27 November 2007):
beth dalton is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthankyou so much for your replies... i have such a heavyheart and would give anything for my life back all i can do is cry and think of what i done to my family i know he shouldnt have hurt me as he did but i cant get behond the feeling that i deserved it for what i have done this is now my past my present and my futuremy children cry they want mum and dad to live together and its tearing me apart i think i could have been a better wife my husband hates the ground i walk on and i can only blame myself
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2007): The beating may have served to end it, which is good.
I wasted ten years, post affair of my wife.
There will be for the next 10 yrs.
No annerversity celebrations.
No Xmas lights nor gifts.
No birthday gifts.
No dinners.
No movies.
There will be ceaseless questions, the neighbors find this unacceptable. Why forgive her, its was a fling that lasted a summer.
There will be multiple marriage counselors even the innovative marriage Encounters. There will be regret from her, crossing the blame to hubby, suicide threats from ex etc.
She wants to be forgiven but cannot come clean with story. Its always in the past she states, even counselor says tell everything to the last detail, she refuses.
Then as the end appears, she knows another has to come. The era has gone to the wayside, its 1976 the bicentenial.
Now 2 yrs later, life is the same. There has been 2 bedrooms for over 6 yrs now. The radio is blaring disco, he enjoys the new era why Polyester suits, wide collars and a quart of cologne is the mainstay of the day.
Its August aa hot night in Brooklyn, there life starts again anew.
There is comtempt on her part, vicious and vile. Why do I want to meet her, she is a *beep* bitch.
From there her life slowly degrades over the coming decades.
So it may be a blessing to both of yourselves.
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A
female
reader, honkifuluvnicole  +, writes (27 November 2007):
 NEVER even consider going back to this man you called your husband.
beating someone is NEVER okay, not ever! I mean it.
Yes, you cheated, and he had the choice to leave you or try to forgive you....but rather he took the wrong road and beat you.
it just isnt right, sweetie.
please listen to us...and forget this monster
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A
female
reader, thatgothgirl20 +, writes (27 November 2007):
 There is no sense to this. What I see is a man who wasn't emotionally there for you, so you went to someone else. I'm not saying this excuses you cheating on him, but he still shouldn't have beaten you. And I think you look at what happened to you as if it was something that you deserved. Believe me, you didn't. If it was such a good life as you say it was, then why did you feel the urge to cheat? Think about that. This man simply got into your pants by telling you that you were beautiful and different. This tells me that your husband didn't say those small simple things to you daily that he should've been saying, instead of acting like you were just "there."
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (27 November 2007):
 As a man I find this unforgiveable. Not your affair, that is a sympton of the problems in your marriage.
But beating you is unforgiveable , he is a monster and you should never go back to him.
Sorry.
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A
female
reader, Sugarbuns +, writes (26 November 2007):
 Affairs are usually symptoms of bigger problems -- usually its the ones you sweep under the rug, thinking they'll go away -- such as boredom, a lack of intimacy, feeling unfulfilled, knowing you've grown apart but are too afraid to be alone. Rarely does a woman in this age category fail to simply exercise a lack of control and have a mindless affair. You were searching for something that's missing in your marriage. Perhaps hoping you'd find it with someone else, before you filed for divorce. Most women who have been married this long, do not wish to be alone. They usually don't know how. It's much easier to to secure another mate before you take the plunge, however mixed up that may seem on the surface. Affairs don't just happen. Maybe you married too young, and then fell out of love with your spouse, or had other problems that caused the relationship to wither slowly over time. You will need to do some soul searching to understand why this happened before you can deal with correcting the problem. Counseling might help you sort it out. But unless your husband is willing to also go to counseling with you, I think your marriage is over and you will need to face that fact. Rather than thinking it's the end of something you wish you had held on to, think of it as the beginning of something new because you probably outgrew him a long time ago, and just didn't want to admit it to yourself. I wish you the best.
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A
male
reader, jm81690  +, writes (26 November 2007):
 You're both in the wrong big time, I think you guys should sit down and talk it out, personally I couldn't see cheating on or beating someone if you loved them.
And for the guy who beat you, he's a royal piece of shit, don't get me wrong, you deserved some kind of heartache for cheatng on him like that, but any guy who beats a woman like that no matter what she does is a pathetic human being.
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