A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I was dating a guy for a little while, things were going great then all of a sudden he went really cold - the day after the first time we slept together. I questioned what was up and he said he didn't feel ready for a relationship...His ex of 9 months treated him very badly all throughout the relationship, cheated on him with a friend etc...So I assumed it was a case of "nice guy treated badly and turns into a b*stard and treats the next girl badly to make up for it" - and walked away. Literally cut contact, deleted his number, deleted him off Facebook etc. After a week or so, he text me to say he was sorry. I ignored it, he left it for a few days and said he missed me, and yet again I ignored it. He's emailed me saying he really misses me and feels awful for the way he treated me, nothing can excuse that and especially to a girl as sweet as me.I haven't replied, but it has me wondering.Up until he went cold, he was a really sweet, lovely guy. Really made the effort, would say really nice sweet things to me, really put me first.I won't lie, I do miss him, but I wonder whether he is the sweet guy from the beginning, or a bit of a s**t in reality...?
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male
reader, redsox29  +, writes (30 January 2010):
I'm gonna go a different route, I think he may just be really scared. For some guys, sex changes things. It takes everything to a different level. He may really be having some serious feelings for you but whatever damage the ex did to him, it has him terrified that it will happen again. If that is the case, he may not be emotionally available to give you his heart, even if he seemed like he was, after you and him had sex, it got real.
I'd say give him a chance, but no sex, and see if you enjoy each others company. You should be a little hesitant though and treat it like he is on a probationary period. So i'm gonna say he was just afraid. Or else he is just a douche bag. Good luck.
A
male
reader, Griffo  +, writes (30 January 2010):
 Yeah he's playing mind games. I'm sorry to hear. A nice guy would not do that for sure! I have the inclination that with his ex it was the otherway around it was her who cut contact with him and he layed the sympathy factor on you as a hook then played nice guy untill he got you in bed.
A nice guy won't pressure you about these things. A nice guy will make the first time very special. You will suspect the night leading up to it and it certianly won't be unexpected! he will make his move with true seduction and etiquette. A bad one has none of the above qualities usually dating occures very too casually and you can tell by his manners and etiquette and dress of his background and upbringing. Women often fall for the bad ones basing the connection on attraction first. A nice guy will be sex for your mind and body.
I don't see it lasting based on the attitude he gave you in the morning.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2010): sounds like to me that he has some problems. it seems like he is playing mind games with you and is telling you sorry after he does something dumb and he knows it. he is just being sweet and kind for the sex. stay away stay far away.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt was sex, I ended up staying at his house one night after we had been out (this hadn't been planned), and during the night he was lovely, very attentive, pulling me to him for a cuddle if I was on the other side of the bed, affectionate...I woke up earlier than him and went downstairs and had a coffee with his family. When he came downstairs he was quite grumpy, which isn't anything new, but he was quite off with me and I ended up getting fed up and left...He apologised that day after I left.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2010): was it sleeping or sex?
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (29 January 2010):
He's a shit in reality. He had his way, left, now wants more. A nice guy stays nice. Let him go.
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