A
female
age
30-35,
*itti_kat123
writes:I've been dating a guy for a few months now. We said both agreed that we are seeing each other exclusively (as i don't like rushing into relationships but also liked him enough to only be interested in him) But I've just found out he slept with someone else only last week. I thought that this could be going somewhere he had even told me that he loved me surely this isn't something you would do if you really loved or cared for someone regardless if it is official or not? I feel really betrayed but i'm not sure what to do about it as i feel i have no right for putting off a serious relationship Any advice please? x Reply to this Question
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (26 February 2015):
 You had agreed to be exclusive? Then he cheated. Next!
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (25 February 2015):
 So much for the "exclusivity" that might have applied if he (and you) really meant it when you (both) said you felt you were "dating exclusively.".....
You may dump him and never look back, if you wish....
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2015): I wouldn't worry much about your possible future husband's feelings... (However if you do wish to find a husband then I hope that you will!)
On the other hand,I'd worry very much about your own standards.
As in those are the boundaries that you've set, they matter to you.
So do just that-respect them. And,no,it's not unreasonable for someone else to respect your boundaries too,especially if they were made blatantly clear to him beforehand.
Don't let his attitude/whatever he tells you to dissuade you from what you believe in.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 February 2015):
 He didn't LOVE you. He liked you, but not enough to NOT have sex with someone else given the chance. Like you said it was only a few months.
Waiting till you feel YOU the person before having sex, makes sense to me - If you are looking for a relationship not just sex.
So yes, this guy is a toad and goes back in the pond.
Don't feel bad, you DID nothing wrong here.
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A
female
reader, Athena1989 +, writes (25 February 2015):
Unfortunately men and women see exclusivity as two different things and they also see love as two different things. Men equate relationships and their being exclusive with sex - he probably reasoned with himself that even though you had both agreed to be exclusive because you weren't necessarily sleeping together you weren't 'exclusive'. Unfortunately this is his mistake not yours, men are far more immature then women and in the moves he has made he has shown this to be true. He has told you that he loves you but in all truth he probably shouldn't have done - love is not something that can be felt in the first few months unless it is instant - love at first sight - it is a beautiful emotion that builds over time and I am sorry to say he was probably using it to manipulate you. But do not take this as gospel of all men, there are some out there who are genuinely nice souls who want to take care of you and love you and be 'exclusive' with you. I think, unless there is real regret on his behalf, he has a genuine reason for doing what he did and he can assure you 100% that it will never happen again, walk away with grace and dignity and keep your eyes open for the next man who will give you the lightning bolt, head over heels, love at first sight feeling you so truly deserve. Be the bigger person and show him what a even bigger mistake he has made by letting you walk away.
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A
male
reader, passionatelynumb +, writes (25 February 2015):
 Wow, it sounds like you dodged a bullet there. Trust me, your future soulmate/husband will really appreciate you for taking things slow. Think of how he'll feel knowing that you didn't let dozens of guys manipulate you into bed and use you.
Be proud of yourself for this. There is someone out there for you, and when you find him, he'll be looking for a relationship, not a quick lay.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (25 February 2015):
 You were not putting off a serious relationship by waiting to have sex. Obviously he has a different idea. He feels a relationship is not serious until you have sex. Did you find out he had sex or did he admit it? I think taking it slow means you are getting to know each other before you feel secure having sex with him. You shouldn't have to spell out "we are not having sex as in being totally abstinent in our lives." He felt that while he's waiting for you to be ready, it's okay to use some body to scratch an itch. You may feel in today's society where instant gratification is the norm, you have no right to hold off sex when you are seen as the problem with not being ready. You should know that taking it slow is a wise choice and not a weakness. I agree if you love somebody you would not have sex with someone else. I doubt he loved you when it's so early. The purpose of getting an official label is to be sure that you are the right persons for each other. Sex is the result of it when you both feel secure but you don't get official in order to get sex. He should have been using his time to get to know you. Having sex with someone else definitely does not make you feel special, when you rely on this to develop feelings for him.
You may have to weed out a lot of guys who are that impatient but the right one for you will wait for you. He blew it and does not know the meaning of taking it slow.
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