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female
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anonymous
writes: I'm 16 years old. The only guy I ever truly cared about my whole life got sent away. It has been a year since I have seen him, talked to him, or heard from him. I'm going crazy. Wwe were so close and we cared about each other so much. It was different from anything else for the both of us. I can't really explain how I felt,or how we felt about each other. We were best friends and more. Nothing/no one has changed how I feel about him. Every time I try to move on I come home and lie in bed at night but can't sleep beacuse of the guilt trips, so I lie there tossing and turning and then I cry because it wasn't right to try to be with someone else. It's like I would rather be alone then be with anyone but him. My friends think I'm crazy but they know i care about him so much i dont know what to do or how to move on.I just wish he didn't have to go.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2010): i don't want to say to you what you have to doing but i think when we lost someone witch we care about, it's really difficult to live our live without him. sometimes you just want to go away, sleeped away. but we should handle it because life is more difficult but it's so beautiful sometimes. as your boyfriend you have someone who cares about you, who loves you. do you really want him to suffer as you today, do you really want him to cry, to feel loneliness and sadness. he's dead, but you have someone around you, you have family, and i think, there he look at you and he feels bad because feels bad. so, i hope that you'll believed in life, you'll believed in love. take care
since 2 years ago i was like you, my only guy died, i wanted to kill myself, but now i'm here because my family help me, i move on, i believe in life even if my mind is always with him
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2007): I'm 13 years old, and my best friend is a guy, Fred (yes that is his real name), who is the same age as me.
a couple of months ago, when he was at my house, he pulled me (kissed with tongues), and did it again the next week.
he also told me he loved me.
the problem is that he hasn't asked me out or mentioned it,
but keeps asking to come round my house/go somewhere.
the biggest problem is,
i love him.
i've never felt like this about anyone, not even my boyfriends.
when i'm with him,
i feel special, and i want to just hold him and never let go.
i get butterflies in my stomach when i talk to him.
i stutter when i talk to him on the phone,
and i think about him all the time.
i've felt this way for about 1-and-a-bit years,
and it never changes, even when i was going out with other guys.
Fred (the guy i like) is one of the really popular guys.
he has a black fringe that goes over one eye, and wears drainpipes so ALL the girls i know that have met him, fancy him.
he's got so many girls after him and i don't see why he would like to be with me.
when we've been out,
he sometimes holds me,
and says he loves me,
and hugs me for ages.
i have been dreaming about him and i really want to ask him out/have him ask me out.
but i'm really scared incase he rejects me.
i don't know what to do anymore.
it's driving me mad.
please help me and/or tell me what to do.
i feel helpless, and i almost committed suicide because i didn't think he liked me.
no-one understands because they don't really understand what love is,
but i've looked up love and the symptoms,
and they all apply to me.
i KNOW i love him,
i just don't know if he loves me.
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A
reader, communicatrix +, writes (13 September 2005):
 I wish he didn't have to go, either. I don't even know why he was sent away and I wish he didn't have to go.
Here's the thing: nothing will ever be like your relationship with this boy again. You had a special connection with him that you cannot, by definition, have with anyone else ever again. That's what makes life wonderful; that's what makes life hard.
So how do you move on? Well, maybe you don't. Maybe right now—maybe for a long while—you shouldn't be with anyone else. Maybe you should just take all the ding-dong time in the world to be alone. Maybe your best move is to just say to yourself, "That's it—until further notice, I am going to be alone." And do it, despite prodding from well-meaning friends or eager fixer-uppers. Don't feel like you need to look for a new love, a new connection, a new soul mate. You can see friends and family (if you like them) and not worry about the rest of it for a bit. You set your own timetable.
I'm not saying you should wallow around in a misery of your own devising. In fact, I think it's probably pretty important for you right now to do things—read, be active, explore, see friends—rather than sitting around, contemplating the exquisite misery that the loss of a love can deliver. You don't need to shut those feelings out; just acknowledge them briefly, embrace them, and let them go.
And the way you let them go (until they start floating in and out of your consciousness easily on their own) is to literally let your mind think the thought...and then turn your attention to something else. Wash dishes, go for a walk, feed the cat, write a story.
You're not crazy, but neither should you make yourself crazy. Be happy you had a great love; mourn its passing with grace, go about the business of living and eventually, you will create a fresh space in your heart for beauty, love and joy.
Good luck to you.
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A
female
reader, tiggaroohoo +, writes (13 September 2005):
The heart lets go when it's ready. You say that you have never felt like this with anyone else but are you really trying? If memories keep invading your present life you will not be able to move on. At 16 you have a whole life ahead of you and you need to move on to enjoy it.
Grab a weepy movie and cry your eyes out. Then realize that he has not written or called you in over a year. Do you think he is going through what you are? Chances are probably not. You may not be able to be with anyone else yet but that's ok...you need to love yourself again before you can love someone else. Take care of you first. Then everything else will fall into place. Good Luck. Tigg
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