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We want to have a three-some but we both have conditions

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Question - (29 June 2010) 6 Answers - (Newest, 30 June 2010)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

My husband and I were talking about having a 3 some. The problem is, I'm not comfortable with him being inside another woman, and he is not comfortable having a guy involved in any way.. I thought about just having a 4 some to make it even but then we would both have what we dont want..

He says its not a 3 some if he can't actually have sex with the other girl, which I understand and agree with, but as stated before I'm not comfortable with it, and hes not comfortable with me having another guy (or a guy involved at all)..

I don't know if there's any solution to this..what do you think?

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom +, writes (30 June 2010):

Don't even bother thinking about doing it. It will go wrong.

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A male reader, Yos Netherlands +, writes (30 June 2010):

Yos agony auntSimple solution: don't do it.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2010):

If neither of you compromise then it obviously won't work, if tour going to have 2 guys then he has a right to try 2 women visa versa but if your both jelous types which you sound like then it won't work. Also your basically both saying "I want to have sex with another person but I don't want you to"

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A male reader, dirtball United States +, writes (29 June 2010):

dirtball agony auntI'd recommend against it entirely. I had a threesome with a past girlfriend and I never looked at her the same way again. If you are in a loving/committed relationship, I'd recommend against it entirely. It may be fun while it happens, but the aftermath won't be, I can almost guarantee that.

Also, TimmD seems pretty right on in his analysis from where I sit.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2010):

You've already answered your own question when you said neither of you are comfortable with your options. Engaging in a threesome with your partner is very risky for your relationship. There's a big chance of someone's feelings getting hurt or a misunderstanding or miscommunication that will lead to a huge fight. All three people involved have to be very comfortable with one another and clear about the rules and boundaries for everyone.

It sounds to me like both your goals are in direct conflict with the other's insecurities. I wouldn't advise intiating a threesome at all and instead find some other kinky way for you two to spice up the bedroom.

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A male reader, TimmD United States +, writes (29 June 2010):

TimmD agony auntThe reason he wants a threesome is so he can have sex with another woman with your consent.

You want a threesome so you can have another guy in the mix..

It doesn't sound like either of you want the other to be with anybody else but one another.

So? You two don't really want a threesome. You just want to have sex with other people. This is bad for a relationship.

For a threesome to work at all at least one of the partners needs to WANT to see the other pleasured by someone else other then them. You two are 100% NOT that.

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