A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating a girl for about a month or so no. We really get on and when we are together time flys, we text quite a lot too.. More or less every morning she sends a good morning message, if she falls asleep before receiving my good night text. However, yesterday I heard nothing so left it till later on, and sent her a text asking if she was ok, she eventually replied saying yes, that she'd been busy at work and hoped I had a good day. I said that I was going to call her and she said she couldn't speak cause she was doing work on her laptop. and today I've heard nothing after saying I hope she has a better day today.I'm just not sure if there's an issue or not, I don't want to come across as needy or paranoid but I'm big into communication and since we text quite a bit up until yesterday where it's just dropped off, I don't know what to do or think.... Can anyone give me any advice?She's 32 and I'm 36.Thanks
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2017): OP, I sense she is losing interest. It's just one month in. The texting is fast and furious in the honeymoon phase. Not dropping off. Even if one is busy, they will make the time for some contact.Once the excuses start, there is trouble.Now, if the excuses are temporary and she really is busy, then ride through them.But if they continue and keep continuing, she is trying to send you a message with her actions and avoidance rather than actually coming out and telling you.You can read between the lines.For now, I would not text her back.Let her text you FIRST.See what happens.If she isn't contacting you, it is safe to start looking for a new girlfriend.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2017): as someone who worked more hours than I care to remember . I am now a charge nurse ( equal to a matron ) I work in mental health where you work more 18hrs at times. I also did a cocsa degree course on days off and night school paid by NHS for further developing my career in human behaviour over 2 years etc . And still was able to maintain a good relationship with friends via text I didn't text all the time only when I could and they were understanding . But I did check in .
I understand that people can't willy nilly text . I am not talking about tennis texting . I talking about a check in to show you care . How's you ? Good morning text . Catch you later I'm really busy still wish I had time today . She not even doing that ..
In my frank opinion and please op come back and let's us know if in fact she been busy or is actually ghosting you and being absolutely rude . No one is that busy . If there excited about the person , they make time to send a few lil texts If not to text . They do a quick call - sorry my experience of behaviour says there something not right here .
I think he's more into her . Than she him . Her work load just didn't implode over night . And if it did . A person of any character dating someone would have called them and told them . It's called manners. It's called priority . She doesn't see him as either . Sorry . It's my opinion .
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A
female
reader, jls022 +, writes (27 April 2017):
As someone who is currently working 40 hours a week and studying for a masters, I know all about being busy so I feel I'm more than qualified to answer this question.
While I'm usually very good at replying to people, recently there have been a few occasions where I've literally had too much on and I've not been the greatest at getting back to people. And do you know what? Those that respected that and gave me the space I needed are the ones that I now have most time for. Whereas the ones who have got pissy and given me the 'it only takes a few minutes, if you really cared you'd reply' nonsense? I'm actually re-evaluating how much I even want them in my life.
As far as I'm concerned, it works both ways and being a good friend/partner is as much about respecting and easing each other's stresses as it is making time to see and talk to each other. So if someone can't accept the fact I'm not always available at their beck and call when they want me to be? Then frankly I don't think I'm missing much.
Honestly, give her some space to get through this busy patch. If you don't, you might actually push her away by adding extra stress to her life that she just doesn't need.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2017): Being a girl .. I can see where your coming from . I love communication we are all different and I can also see that if she is limiting changing her way of communicating there is certainly for me something wrong here ..
You have been dating only a short while so the honeymoon get to know you phase .. shouldn't be over with . It should just beginning .
Why do people use I'm busy .. not to text .. absolutely terrible . I'm writing on here. And it take me less than a few mins to answer you and here the thing I don't know you .. but still I do . I'm busy .. everyone busy .. life's busy .. texting hi how's your day or good morning is the most wonderful thing if you can't say it face to face .
Texting is just another way of being close when you can't physical be with the person .. I mean would you get up and ignore your partner and not say good morning ./ Oo come on : texting is just a way to sustain the good feel factor .
However since she has back off I would effectively do the same .. maybe met someone new .. who is nearer to her . Who knows . The only thing is texting take a minute and it's having good manners . She adult enough to tell you and should . She giving you the biggest cold should hint . That's my opinion .
I would take it and move on . It's no loss to you as certainly not match .
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2017): Calm down and relax. Don't be a slave to habit and routine. You have to allow for change and growth. Life interrupts.
We have to rearrange things around work-schedules and unexpected events requiring immediate attention.
She did explain she was busy, but I have to say; I really get tired of constant text messages. Sometimes you just need to take a break from smiley-face emojis and repeated phrases said over and over and over. Behavior and habits are subject to change, modification, or outright elimination. That's life.
Sir, I'm sure she loves you no less. Don't let insecurity whisper foolishness in your ear. She is 32, not 12. So maybe the duty of reassuring you she cares through messaging is losing its appeal.
How about prefacing or initiating your calls or contact by sending a message asking " Are you busy right now?" Then patiently wait. Not in anticipation and anxiously; but calmly as you find something constructive to do to past the time. She doesn't have to drop whatever she's doing just to say good morning, just because you expect it on demand.
Leave some things to spontaneity. A surprise out of the blue can be refreshing. The unexpected keeps things fresh and less predictable.
Texting is habit-forming, sometimes to the degree of annoyance. Bear with her, she may be too polite and sweet of a person to say so.
If it takes a few hours, assume she is very busy or could be in a meeting unable to use her phone. I don't know about the UK; but most of American workplaces prefer phones put away during working hours. We have breaks and lunchtimes for that. You don't need her to check-in on schedule. If it's not an emergency, she can respond at her earliest convenience. Get used to that! Don't be so high maintenance.
Get used to staggering the schedule to allow her some space and "me-time!"
Don't claim you're into communication; then turn around and get apprehensive and nervous, because she can't always jump when you say jump! You're a grown man. Communication doesn't have to be conducted through messaging on the hour.
Visits and calls when mutually-convenient is considerate and very mature. Real communication is done in-person, or face-to-face. It is more personal and intimate that way. Maybe she's trying to tell you something. Take a hint!
You are mature and experienced enough to know that when a relationship is new and in its infancy; we are going through a stage. We are lovey-dovey, we say a lot of sweet-nothings, we give each other pet-names. Then we get to a more mature and dignified stage of the relationship where we are respectful, patient, and considerate of each others time, space, and personal-responsibilities outside the relationship.
Communication should be open and free, not forced. It should be considerate of the other person's time and responsibilities; and it shouldn't be motivated by paranoia or neediness. You don't want to come across as paranoid and needy, but you have. If it looks that way to us, imagine how she might see it.
Allow your relationship to have a natural flow and don't rely too much on messaging to gauge her feelings. I think there are better ways to prove she is always thinking of you and wants to hear from you. She can say it to your face!
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