A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Soooooo my bf and I have been together for a few years now. We have a mutual friend who we've been cool with for a decade. This friend chills with us every other day. My bf feels like our friend doesn't respect him and has attempted to talk with him about their relationship, but either he doesn't believe our friend, or our friend keeps repeating behaviors w or w/o realizing it's upsetting my BF. Aside from that we get along. However, last night, our friend said he forgot somethings at the bar and asked for a ride and that he'd cover my drinks. he's been asking me to go to the bar to get his discount for a year, but i was always working. My BF regularly goes to the bar for the discount. I was free and I agreed to take him, and he get me drinks. We went to the bar, chilled, came back, nothing out of the ordinary. I went to sleep shortly after. The following day, my bf texts me, upset i went to the bar with our friend, because he's another man. I'm genuinely confused. Hes' mad i went with our friend, he's mad i didn't say much when we got back home, bear in mind he was working and his bro came over and they were talking, then i fell asleep prematurely). I don't think agreeing to take my friend to the bar, and him paying me with a drink, is such an offense that it's making my BF rethink our whole relationship. Who's trippin here?
View related questions:
text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2017): I think you did nothing wrong at all.Your boyfriend does not trust you.How can you be in a relationship without trust? Does your boyfriend keep a rule book that you do not know about? Who knows what rule you will break next time without knowing.Does he control other aspects of your life too? I think you really need to rethink the relationship. Why do you want to be with someone who is jellious and controls who you hang out with? Next it will be how you dress and where you go.Red flags everywhere with this guy...dump him.
A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (29 April 2017):
Your boyfriend thinks that this friend wants you as a GF. I don't know if he's right or not. Ask yourself if this is true. If you can honestly say that there is nothing to his suspicions then he's being a controlling ass and you need to tell him he doesn't get to pick your friends.
If however this friend does have feelings for you then you owe your bf an apology.
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (28 April 2017):
 Could it be that your friend is around a lot and your boyfriend is beginning to feel like a third wheel in his own relationship? I think this would effect me as well. I mean yes off course you are able to have male friends, but it seems you are spending a lot off time with him and also he is taking you out and buying you drink which it seems like your boyfriend is not okay with so maybe you both need to talk and see what is expected from each other. How would you feel if your boyfriend took a girl out and bought her drinks? Would you perhaps be jealous also?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2017): There is an unspoken guy-code. Maybe your friend crossed the line by asking you out. Just maybe he hangs around too much?
He cleverly devises a plan; requesting a ride to the bar for something he forgot. Just so happens your boyfriend isn't available at the time. It seems innocent enough; but your boyfriend obviously isn't buying it.
It made things even more complicated, because the outing
involved alcohol consumption. Minus your boyfriend!
Your guy apparently doesn't trust the third-wheel; and feels the guy has ulterior motives.
Now switch places. Let the guy be your boyfriend; and the other person be another female. Whether you would admit it or not, you wouldn't feel comfortable if you weren't included. Especially if you and the girl have issues between you. Now do you catch my drift?!!
It should have clued you in there's an underlying conflict or slight fission in their friendship. He doesn't trust the guy! Alcohol is always the convenient excuse when people cross lines that they shouldn't. Blame it on the alcohol!
Shouldn't it raise a red-flag if your boyfriend thinks it was time to discuss his relationship with that friend? Perhaps to tell him he was spending too much time around you two; and he wanted some space. Every other day is too often if you ask me! I think he ought to find himself a woman!
Did you ever think to inquire what their problem is; so you'd know why he feels disrespected by this friend? I wouldn't spend time with anyone my partner feels disrespected by. I'd want some details. Maybe you know and don't care?
This is a "third-wheel" situation where the friend may be spending too much time around you two. He's becoming a wedge. Guys tend to get a little protective when their male friends ask their girlfriends out; no matter how innocent it may seem. You should be considerate of your boyfriend's discomfort. Especially if he has mentioned an issue you haven't fully discussed.
I don't think you want to complicate things by just blowing off his concerns. He's not just tripping. He apparently doesn't trust the other guy; and his suspicion of disrespect seems a bit confirmed, if the guy places you in the middle. Seems he's testing the boundaries!
You need to talk to your boyfriend without totally dismissing his concerns. This isn't a time to be flippant.
He may just decide to walkaway with no further discussion.
...............................
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (27 April 2017):
 Your boyfriend is clearly not ok with the friendship with the other guy. How has the relationship with him sustained for so long? And how and why does he hang out with you guys ever other day? Who's friend was he to begin with... Yours or his?
This can't be the first instance that your boyfriend has been mad at you for something to do with the other guy. If you spend time with each other with such regularity then there are bound to be instances where he feels that you're crossing boundaries with the guy.
Does he feel that this chap is interested in you or that you have a fondness for him? Why does he feel that this guy doesnt respect him? Despite this, why is this guy always with you two?
You're leaving out a lot of details. It'll be easier to answer your question if you elaborate and clarify.
...............................
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (27 April 2017):
 You don't agree on boundaries. You violated his reasonable boundary, by going on a date with someone else. Alcohol has well known effects of lowering inhibition.
It doesn't matter what we out in the internet think, Your boyfriend thinks you have poor boundaries, He thinks your friend disrespected him, and he thinks you disrespected him. How are you going to deal with that?
You can tell him he is tripping. He will probably take a long trip, without you, and not return. You could agree to discuss boundaries with him and negotiate with a level that is comfortable to both of you, or you could just do whatever he says and feel resent at his "controlling". I'd suggest the middle road if you want to keep him. On the other hand if you want to keep dating other men then you should go with the first option and let him go.
I really don't think that with your expressed attitudes, you should even consider option 3.
...............................
|
