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male
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*MAK
writes: There is this girl I have been friends with now for over 3 years and I have come to love her more than any other person. I accepted the fact that we would never be together, and I am was really happy being just friends. Just the other day I found out that she loves me also and wants to take our friendship to another level, we have started going out. Now I feel that I want to be just friends again, but I have been waiting to go out with her for ages, but now I am going out with her, I'd prefer us to be just friends. I dont know why I feel like this as I have loved her for so long, why do I suddenly feel that I do not want to have a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, i just want to be friends. Why do I feel this way?Thanks for reading. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, LMAK +, writes (21 June 2006):
LMAK is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your answers, I wasn't expecting any so soon! Some quite comforting answers.
I think I feel the way described in my question is because we have been friends for years and now have only been "going out" for the past 2 days and I've barely seen her. I guess I'm feeling a bit in-secure, I feel as though I should be with her or her feelings that she has for me will disappear. We are both only 16, and she is my first love, I want it to last as long as possible, I dont want things to end. Maybe Im looking for problems that arent really there?
Thanks once again.
Lawrence
A
female
reader, daughteroflilith +, writes (21 June 2006):
having been in the same situation i can tell you that you do give something up when you become lovers, i gave up my best friend, but i gained a boyfriend who i get on with wonderfully. The way you think about each other is naturally going to change and you won't have that longing in the pit of your stomach any more, but you've got so much more now, you just feel a little amiss of something but don't give it up straight away because if you do you'll regain that longing and realise it's not actually that nice. all that sounds wrong with you is that you are out of your 'friendy' comfort zone but trust me it will all be worth it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2006): Its probably just nerves about the transition as already stated. Just give the relationship a chance, and you might find that it turns out even better than the friendship was.
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A
female
reader, camille  +, writes (21 June 2006):
 It must be quite hard to make that transition, and be careful because if you let it drag out, you could possibly damage your friendship. The best relationships are when your lover becomes your best friend. You're doing it in reverse and that can be risky but it could be worth it. Perhaps you're scared of losing something so amazing if it doesn't work out. Try to think deeply about your feelings for her. For a start, do you fancy her? It's very early but may take time to settle into the change or maybe your love is purely platonic. Sadly only you can work that out.
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