A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:ive just been at my bfs place and i brought up 'the talk' as he calls it which is just bringing up things about me and him like just things that are on my mind that are worrying me and things. but this time it was just how he always seems to dismiss what i say so say i say 'you never ask what im thinkin about' he is just like ok....and then hes like i dont need to know what ur thinking about u can think whatever i like. why should i care? its not like the world is gonna end. and that upset me coz it sounded like he told me he didnt really care about me. and i was tempted to say so if i was thinkin about leaving u thats not the end of the world or anything and u wouldnt care..but i didnt.he told me that all females are the same and that he doesnt need to hear me tell him i love him because he knows or that i care because u already knows. but he cant understand why i want to hear it from him and just says it sounds needy. we have been together for 2 years and he tells me that by now i should just be able to tell how hes feeling and know that when he says ok that that is him acknowledging stuff.so i asked him why he tells me things and hes like coz i trust u. and then i asked if he would talk like we were to any1 else n he was like depends on the person..and then im like so what me being ur gf gets nothing special out of u? and ive gone u know what i want u to say so why cant u just say it...and hes like coz u dont need to hear it ALL the time. but im like i NEVER hear it and so he finally say i tell u things when u harass me to coz i love u.i feel like i can never tell him i love him or how much i care because he just says i know or u dont need to keep telling me it makes u sound clingy...why are guys like this? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, redsox07  +, writes (24 July 2008):
I agree with the poster before me, not all guys are like this. Girls wonder why all guys are insensitive and distant, its because they are not the one for you. A man who truly loves you will never make you feel needy or make you feel bad for things you need to hear. They will tell you they love you because they do. This guy does not love you as much as you love him, stop wasting your energy on someone who doesnt deserve it.
A
female
reader, Curiousbynature +, writes (24 July 2008):
Whatever. Any guy that loves a girl she be ever to tell her. I think that is awful that you have to feel like this. I know it’s really hard, but you have to find someone who appreciates you. Does he make you feel bad all the time? Obviously you are stressed out about this. You need to stand up to him. Tell him, hey ass I love you and you should say it back because I need to hear you say it. If her doesn’t then he clearly does not care for your feelings and probably never will. Once you get to two years and someone still is acting this way, there is something wrong. I was in one of those relationships for about 3 months and it drove me crazy. It’s like no matter what I did, I just couldn’t get all the way in to his heart. I look back on it now and it makes me angry I even stayed with him that long. You need to feel loved. And feeling the satisfaction of someone loving you completely and being able to communicate that to you is an amazing feeling, and you deserve it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2008): NOT ALL GUYS ARE LIKE THIS! My boyfriend tells me he loves me all the time. I say it back. We talk about our feelings and when things are not good we argue about things...Communication is very important and I am sorry to tell you that your bf sounds very much self absorbed. If it is important to you to talk then he should take that seriously. And if he truly cares about you, he will pay attention to your needs! It will cause more serious problems if you do not resolve this now...
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (24 July 2008):
It sounds like he's just one of these guys who does not show affection / emotion very well. Some guys just do not like saying "I love you."
If you love him and want to stay with him you'll just have to put up with it I'm afraid.
The fact that he now has a nickname for these chats suggests to me that you've complained about this quite a bit. He's refusing to change so you have a choice: You can either stay with him and put up with it, or you can leave and find someone more open and more affectionate. You can't change this man.
Good Luck!! xx
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