A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My wife had an affair last year. We are still together as I was desperate to keep things together. The thing is, she doesn't seem very happy. I'm certain she's not seeing this chap anymore but she seems so miserable all the time and cry's whenever we have sex.Is it possible that I could still love her so much when we're not meant to be together? I thought the hurt caused by the affair would go away but it seems to effect her just as much 12 months down the line.When does it start to get better??
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2009): your wife still cried for her lover and she is showing you that she doesn't want to be with you. this is a sad sad story and maybe there is no going back for you. if she attempted to erase her lover from her life and tried to move on then maybe you have a fighting chance. its a pity she doesn't want you. why not just let her go. her affair with this guy will frizzle out in any event. by then you would have picked up the pieces and moved on with your life.celiaaletta's comments are apt. you deserve better than the pittance she is throwing at you. if she wants to go let her. she will only learn the hard way when she destroys everything dear to her.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2009): She really doesn't want to be with you as she cries every time you try to try to validate your relationship with sex.
She cries because you've made her feel guilty to the point that she is with you because you've impressed upon her your dominant will as you have been desperate to keep the status quo even though what transpired between her and her lover is PROCLAIMING a rejection of the status quo.
You do love her more than she loves you on the face of it. Whether you're meant to be together depends on your view of life and how you think the universe is made up. In my mind the world is always influx, there are no givens and anything can happen at any time to throw everything uo in the air.
If you ask can I repair the relationship with my partner I would say it is possible but you've got to deal with the problems in your relationship that made her seek out another man to cope with them. Are you too controlling? Do you refuse her tenderness? Do you work on what she says she dislikes about you?
Just my two cents. Ask her what she wants from you and your relationship if she hasn't made up her mind yet to leave you.
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A
male
reader, jj. +, writes (31 July 2009):
reach out fella ...she needs to grieve over and do closure with the situation about affair..she had..
get her in to counseling asap...either clergy or paid counseling..asap..she needs help..right now.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2009): Ask her what's making her unhappy! You say you're certain she's not seeing this guy any more - is this because you've basically made it a precondition of you two staying together, and maybe she resents you for taking away her fun? Or is she just prone to depression?
We need a bit more specific info on the general, overall state of your marriage - how long you've been together, how well you get on, any kids, previous infidelities and the like - before we can venture anything more than a vague stab in the dark as to how your situation might be improved.
Btw, crying during sex isn't always a bad thing!
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A
male
reader, chevara +, writes (30 July 2009):
Sorry to hear that, but seems you have been strong and you have done the right thing to fight. It will take time for things to change, for the better or the worse, but hopefully the better. She feels so bad due the fact that she did what she did. She may feel disgusted, ashamed, and angry at her self. The point overall is, she still there with you, knowing what she has done, she does not need to be there at all.Remember, we all slip some how, don't judge her, and make her feel wanted, but try to listen to her when you talk to her. We men tend to hear them talk, but we really don't listen. Marriage is hard, and takes lots of work and efforts. Have to go through some beautiful times as well some dark nasty times. Keep doing your part and be supportive, and be willing to do whatever it takes to make things work. That way you can say you did try, and you will noy look back with regret. Have hope, alot of it, and ask the man above to guide you. I still have hope for my realationship that lasted 13 years, I still have hope after nearly one year. Thats all we can do, good luck and God bless you and her.
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A
male
reader, timbo +, writes (30 July 2009):
what does she have to say about it? marriage therapy been tried? how can you still trust and love her, i couldn't be that understanding? were her reasons for affair confronted or repaired at all? does her crying have anything to do with the affair?
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