A
male
age
36-40,
*onnyr123
writes:Hi everyone. Just looking for some advice. I am 23 years old and i seem to be having a real problem with finding girls. When i was youner i was often described as a "player" and often messed girls around. I then found a girl who was perfect for me. We went out for 3 years and everything i thought was perfect. She split up with me now over 2 years ago and i have not had a girl friend since. I have not even kissed a girl since or anything. ITs not that im still in love with my ex, i am completely over her now, although it did take a long time. I now live on my own, and i seem to spend every night staying in on my own doing the same things every night. All of my friends have drifted away from me, mainly from when i was in a long term relationship with my ex whilst all them were going out and enjoying the "best times of their lives" as people say. I am very shy now when it comes to girls and have absolutley no idea how to approach one. The only girls i ever seem to talk to are my work colleagues. I am getting more and more depressed by the day and i am dreading the thought of being alone forever. All i want is to find a girl and develop a relationship like most normal people. I just have no idea how to do tis as i have no real friends so hardly ever go out and if i do go out i have no idea how to talk to girls. I am not ugly by far and i consider myself to have a good personality, but more and more by the day i see myself being alone for the rest of my life and it gets me so depressed. Has anyone got any advice or feedback for me?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2009): You are lucky that you are still very young and have had experience with girls. Just as the other advice given to you I have to repeat that you have to change your mindset.
You've got to show interest in a girl for her to become interested in you. Ditto, you have to meet them somewhere. At a music store, supermarket, club, gym. The thing is you've got to speak up and show interest in her. Another thing, if you stay home you will have no luck meeting them. You have to go out. You have to force yourself to go out.
To get new friends you've got to join some clubs that interest you. Whether it be fencing, karate, boxing, swimming...needless to say I am sure you will meet someone that you will like being a friend. You don't need 10 friends. You're lucky if you have two good friends in life. Others are just acquaintances.
Just remember, we're all made of flesh and blood and we're all like you so you have to do the work to have people open up to you if you want to get to know them.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2009): Well, the perfect girl is not going to walk up to your door and knock on it looking for you.
You are choosing to stay at home every night. So you lost contact with some friends. Get the nerve up to call them and chat and let them know you would like to get reaquainted, I am sure they miss you.
Develop some hobbies and interests, take up a co-ed sports team of join a club or do volunteer work. At your age there are single girls every where. If you are standing next to one at a store start talking and ask her for her phone number. You have to be willing to take some rejection or you will never meet the right girl for you.
If you are depressed that can really hold you back from enjoying life. It isn't something you can will yourself out of or pull yourself up by the bootstraps. You need help. Get a physical and describe to your doctor specifically what kind of depression symptoms you are having. You may need medication and that can be life changing. It doesn't change your personality, but it makes you feel less irritated, less in pain and more fun to be around because you are finally open to other people.
People avoid depressed folks because they look like they don't want to be bothered!
Also take note of your personal hygiene and clothing. Girls like a great smelling guy, one with an ironed shirt and a clean pair of pants of jeans and shoes that have been polished, something other than t-shirts and tennis shoes....a nicely done hair cut and a shave and you are good to go.
Have fun, you are only in your 20's once!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2009): Well, the perfect girl is not going to walk up to your door and knock on it looking for you.
You are choosing to stay at home every night. So you lost contact with some friends. Get the nerve up to call them and chat and let them know you would like to get reaquainted, I am sure they miss you.
Develop some hobbies and interests, take up a co-ed sports team of join a club or do volunteer work. At your age there are single girls every where. If you are standing next to one at a store start talking and ask her for her phone number. You have to be willing to take some rejection or you will never meet the right girl for you.
If you are depressed that can really hold you back from enjoying life. It isn't someth
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2009): Well, the perfect girl is not going to walk up to your door and knock on it looking for you.
You are choosing to stay at home every night. So you lost contact with some friends. Get the nerve up to call them and chat and let them know you would like to get reaquainted, I am sure they miss you.
Develop some hobbies and interests, take up a co-ed sports team of join a club or do volunteer work. At your age there are single girls every where. If you are standing next to one at a store start talking and ask her for her phone number. You have to be willing to take some rejection or you will never meet the right girl for you.
If you are depressed that can really hold you back from enjoying life. It isn't someth
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2009): sounds like you're your own worst enemy. don't concentrate on the fact that you are looking for a real relationship. don't put too much pressure on yourself for friends or girls yet. girls are just people and you should treat them as such. talk to them with respect, be confident, don't be needy. girls like confident men, not depressed needy souls. work on your depression first. next try contacting old friends, family, then get out of the house, get a hobby or something to make you happy. join a bowling league or softball, or billiards team. If you fix yourself, change perspectives, become the person you know you used to be, things should work out. you don't need a girl to be happy in life so relax and it should come. if it does, keep the friends you've made this time. for a happy life we all need more than just a partner, we need time for ourselves and friends and family. Good luck
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