A
male
age
41-50,
*urtHeart
writes: Recently, my ex and I called it quits. She decided that after 2 1/2 years of dating that she needed time to herself and that over the past 6 years she's only had a few months of time where she wasn't dating. However, she says she stills loves me and even stayed the night over last night, but I'm worried she's just trying to make me feel better so she can feel better about moving on. Also, this morning she mentioned, off-handedly, that a friend of hers had gotten married after they had taken a break for awhile. I'm not quite sure about all of this, but have been really hurt in the past being told the samethings. Any advice?HurtHeart in Oregon.
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male
reader, kd  +, writes (26 May 2008):
wow... I've been on the net trying to find answers but only found the same question!!!
I've been chatting with some friends about my situation which is quite similar to yours: 2.5 years+, her sudden desire for space, the seriously intimate moments even during this time of confusion ... I tell you, the unknown is what we really fear.
I don't know what your religious views are but here's my understanding -
Ego clouds judgement. As a guy, you KNOW that you're the one for her and she's the ONLY one for you. You know she's perfect and that she should think you're perfect for her too. So why does she want this space?
If she's perfect in your eyes, perhaps you're not so great in hers, but she still loves you. Now it's a difficult thing to accept, but at least she hasn't told you "I hate you, dude.. leave me the F**K alone!!!"
I suggest you pray. God is love. Ask him to show himself and he will. If he's present and you believe he's there, that should be a good enough sign that it's meant to be.
Remember, nothing is new under the sun... EGO makes us believe that we are always new, fresh, hip, cool, perfect, great, wonderful, whatever the word...
Conversely,
If you believe that nothing is wrong and everything is perfect with you, you should really rethink that notion. You'll answer yourself in an instant once honest. In my case, I realized two things:
1 - I'm too aggressive or hostile when trying to get my point across.
2 - I'm too much of a pushover and confuse it with humility.
So.. my advice: pray, check yourself, don't depress yourself, appreciate time with her but don't let her treat you as her 'personal' because she knows you'll save yourself for her when she's sexually frustrated. Come on dude, you're a dude, I'm a dude.. we're all dudes!!! meet people and most important point... Never lose your cool or respect for anyone.
A
male
reader, HurtHeart +, writes (30 January 2008):
HurtHeart is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe equated our relationship to Ross and Racheal (Friends) or Big and Carrie (Sex and the city). For those of you who don't know what I'm talking about, it's the break up and then years later getting together. She also has asked if she could comeover at all, but I told her no.
However, I think all the advice is sound. I've been through this before, but never with someone that loved me back. sigh just gotta suck it up and go do my homework. :(
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (30 January 2008):
 Let her go as you cannot do much to persuade her to stay with you . She needs more space and time.Whether there is still a chance will depends .This question has no answer. keep your fingers crossed.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2008): I think this is a classic case of you want what you can't have, or she in this case. She wanted to "have some time for herself" and now that she has, she's having second thoughts. Good chance she'll need some more "time for herself" as soon as you get back together again after confessing your eternal love for her LOL. I recommend you just get on with your live and you'll be just fine. Don't get to dependent or hung up on her and be patiently waiting for her to take you back, it could take a while :). Just get on, get out, meet new people (new girls, perhaps?), take up a new sport or whatever, have a fun life of your own and you'll be fine. She wanted time for herself didn't she? Well, just give her that and should she ever want to get back together with you (and staying over one night is NOT wanting to get back together, that's just being friends - albeit with some benefits maybe) YOU'll KNOW. And then you can always decide if she would be an asset to your life or if you've already met someone more so. Don't even tell her you still love her, she broke up with you, she has lost that priviledge, you are now friends, buddies, from now on your love will go to other girls, catch my drift? But BEWARE, women generally don't like it when you get on with your life, they generally want you to stay put so can have you as an option for when she and her funner boyfriend break up, then she has something to fall back on :o. I'm not saying this goes for all women, this is just my personel experience, lol. Just get on and you'll be fine on this, thrust me. Remember, if she really wants to get back together with you, she'll make it painfully obvious to you and you WILL know ;) Good luck
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A
male
reader, Moviefan +, writes (30 January 2008):
 She seems to be sending some signs that point that she has some hope that you and her will get back to together after having some time apart from each other. Sometimes this can make people closer either by just geting rid of some stress that has built up being together over a long period of time, or by making them relize what they had, like the saying goes you dont realize what you got till its gone.
But do not get false hope either, she could of just meant what she said and you are reading into things to much. So dont get your hope up before you know for sure. And there were some things that had the opposite effect making me think that she doesnt have plans for the future with u.
So my best advice would be to simply talk to her about it, find out if she really does possibly want to be with you again after a break from each other. A lot of couples do this once in a while.
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, HurtHeart +, writes (30 January 2008):
HurtHeart is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFor some reason, I forgot to add that there is a huge age gap between us, 8 years (I'm 30 and she's 22). This might help to clear things up.
Hurt
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A
female
reader, O Connor  +, writes (30 January 2008):
 ok so she is sending you very mixed signals, and before you get false hope - or give up, you need to get her to set the record straight with you. talk to her and explain to her that some of her comments have confused you and led you to think that she still wants you. if she wants a break and thats all thats fair enough, but a break is different then breaking up and she must specify which she wants from you. if she does want to break up with you for good - then staying over in hers anymore probably isnt a good idea! if she cares for you, she should give you the answers that you need to understand where you stand in her life now. tell her that you still love her, and if you are wiling to take a break with her then tell her - that may be all she needs. alot of ppl go through breaks, including your truly and their love is only made stronger. i hope this helps somewhat if you need to talk more just email me good luck
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A
male
reader, HurtHeart +, writes (30 January 2008):
HurtHeart is verified as being by the original poster of the questionit suddenly occurs to me that I didn't mention there was a large age gap. sigh I forget that I'm 8 years older than her (almost to the day).
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