A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:im so confussed, me and my ex boyfriend split about 2 months ago. we stop contacted for about a month but then got back in contact. we have been talking and texting but both said we cant get back together. but one night on a night out i seen him and he came home with me. we talked about it but still decided to stay in contact but not get back. the problem is i dont hear off him for days, but as soon as he finds out im going out texts all night and for a couple of days later. when he does this he always makes promises which he never follows though ( like come to see me or take me for food or for us to talk) he keeps telling me he still loves me, and always talks about things we did when we was together, but as soon as i ask why hes saying these things, he just says he doesnt know and then changes it and talks about other girls. i do still love him alot but am finding it hard as one min he loves me and wants me but next talking about a different girl. one side of me just wants to tell him to leave me alone but even when he doesnt text for a day i cant stop thinking about him. its effecting me moving on and meeting someone new as when i am talking/flirting hes always in my mind and feels i am cheating. please help im so confussed and dont know what he want and done know how to find out as everytime i mention us geting back he goes on about other girls help??
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (21 July 2011):
 You said yourself : hanging on to your ex stops you from moving on and from starting a better relationship with someone else. You should cut contact , and move on for real.
You don't know what he wants, but you know what he does NOT want : getting back together with you. He told you time and again, and he showed it by discussing with you his interest toward other girls. Time to realize he is stringing you along, and act in consequence.
As for WHY he is behaving the way he does, it may be in good faith- he feels affection for you , and he likes spending time with you, only not as a gf but as a buddy.
Or not( and unluckily, I think that's more probable ) : he gets an ego boost from your obvious availability AND considers you the perfect plan B- let's see first how it goes with these new girls, ..and in lack of better there 's always old reliable ex girlfriend.
Either way , do even need to care about what he wants ?... I'd say it's more important YOU decide what YOU want ( like, a committed, devoted boyfriend ) and go after it , free from old emotional ties.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2011): We already know you want back together, but if he wanted it too then back together you'd be.
The simple answer is you're more appealing when you're less available.
He doesn't want you to move on. Not yet anyway and that's because he isn't involved with anyone else. Once he is you won't hear from him.
He may not have SAID what he wanted but he is showing you by his actions. Stop waiting around for him to do the right thing. You have to do what is best for you. Forget him and move on.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2011): You're both young, he isn't able to commit and remain faithful. I suspect he wants to play the field, but as is typical for many men, it's ok for him but not for you, which is bull. Nail him down, it's all or nothing. And remember, you're young, you have plenty of time to find the one who rocks your world and won't slide off it.
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A
male
reader, Natures relic  +, writes (21 July 2011):
You're both young, he isn't able to commit and remain faithful. I suspect he wants to play the field, but as is typical for many men, it's ok for him but not for you, which is bull. Nail him down, it's all or nothing. And remember, you're young, you have plenty of time to find the one who rocks your world and won't slide off it.
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A
female
reader, rormesable +, writes (21 July 2011):
This unfortunately sounds like you are in the "extreme best friends zone". This can be a difficult time for sure. I understand that you feel lost in your thoughts and maybe you have a hard time getting things done because you find yourself plagued by thoughts of him. I hate to say, but it might be time to just move on. He may now see you as a close friend and have a hard time thinking of you again as a sexy datable woman. Maybe see what he does when you talk about a guy. if he seems fine with your being with someone else then 100% time to move along. i know it'll be hard to get over him, but always remember if he truly loved you then you will most likely have a chance no matter what farther in the future. He wants to explore a little, but be happy he wants you in his life at all despite how difficult that is, hang in there. You may have a shot later
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A
female
reader, VSAddict +, writes (21 July 2011):
 Leave this guy alone. If you didn't work out, then why stay in contact with this guy. The fact that he still loves you doesn't matter because he's not doing anything to show it besides making false promises/ get your hopes up. So move on and find someone that doesn't like to play mind games with you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2011): respect your self and dump him. He just wants you to be his back up plan in case nothing else is happening at the time. He is trying to control you by texting you to make sure you are not out with other guys. respect yourself and loose this zero and get yourself a hero! One that puts you first and stops playing games with you!
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A
male
reader, confusedguy777  +, writes (21 July 2011):
i had a friend in the exact same situation as you. your bf just sounds like he is being possesive when he hears about you going out and doesnt want you hooking up with other men while he wants to hook up with other women but still considers you to be his in a way. honestly the only way out of this situation is to kill the contact. while you may still love him you have to realise that this situation is not healthy for either of you and if he is immature enough to be playing you like this then it is a clear sign that you should not be in a relationship with him. good luck i know its a really hard situation
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