A
female
age
41-50,
*aisiemai
writes:I hope someone can shed some light on my problem...I met a guy abroad 5 years ago and when i decided to return home a year later he came with me and we set up home together in my home country where we lived happily together until last November. When we first came back he could not get a good job so i set him up with a job in a family business where i worked also.We split in November but have not really been apart for any lenght of time as we have kept on seeing eachother.. that was up until christmas eve when i found out from a person i know that he is actually seeing someone from the area!! i was really shook up and it ruined christmas for me. I spent christmas eve day with him so you can imagine finding this out later how i felt!! I contacted him and told him that i know and i didnt get any reply until a day or so later. He said that we are not together and we can see whoever we like.... I was so hurt because i thought that we would get back together for sure.Now after alot of arguing we are no longer talking and left things on very very very bad terms.. he would still call me telling me he loves me to bits and that maybe some time in the future we can get back together. The thing is i found out he has been lying almost compulsively to me... he is also seeing another girl which he flatly denied but i found out that it is true.. So now we are not even on speaking terms, he said he hates me and does not want anything more to do with me.. He still works in the family business and i have to deal with seeing him every day. On top of all this he owes me a large amount of money but i don't want to ask for it back as this will be seen as me nagging..I long for us to be back together the way we were before any of this horrible mess happened.Has anyone any advice for me as i am slowly driving myself mad.
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female
reader, depaiva  +, writes (2 February 2007):
From all that you've said, he's being immature about it. You obviously still love but he doesn't feel the same way about you. I know that the last thing you want to hear is that you should move on and that there is someone better out there for. The fact is that he's moved on and he doesn't seem to have any consideration for how you're feeling or for how everything's turned out. After all he should be grateful that you've done so much for him-you brought him into your country and helped him adapt through what was probably a really hard time for him (and for you). The least he could do is respect you enough to sit down and talk about why things aren't working out. You deserve this respect and you deserve some closure.
Deep down you know things will never go back to what they were, make him aware of that (you need to come to terms with that too). Let him know how much you're hurting and that it's going to take time for the two of you to be able to face each other without having feelings.
It was disrespectful of him to treat you the way he did towards the end, and no one deserves that. He lied and betrayed you. I doubt you could ever trust him again...
You sound like an independent women, you earned that money and out your good heart you lent it to him-you need to ask for it back. My advice is to get him to talk to you in a mature manner and maybe after all of this you two could at least end up as friends.
I wish you the best of luck
A
female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (1 February 2007):
 I suggest you write him a letter and tell him in a very civilised way that you're sorry things didn't work out for you both and you wish it could have been different as you still care for him. Let him know that you would appreciate it if he could pay back the money he owes you and you wish him well with his future, whatever he chooses to do.
That way you are being mature about the situation, but you are also due back what he owes you, you're no pushover and want the money back. You've told him you wish it could have been different and you've told him you still care about him but are now putting the ball in HIS court so it is now up to him.
Meanwhile you have to put a brave face on at work when you see him and remain dignified. You know he's been lying to you compulsively, why would you want to be with someone like that? You would NEVER be able to trust him again even if you DID get back together with him. My advice for you is to move on with your life. There is someone else out there who IS for you but I really don't think it's him.
Eve
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