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female
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anonymous
writes: Should I stay or go?I need someone outside my relationship to help me. My fiance and I have been together for 2 1/2 years, however, we split briefly at the beginning of last year. During this time he slept with his ex, I'm not mad about that - we weren't together.In February he received a letter to get a paternity test! We just found out that the baby is his. I lose no matter what I choose to do. Either I lose someone I love or I am forced to deal with something I don't want anything to do with.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSorry I was cut off - anyway he says I should get over it. You see he knew about my daughter before getting involved with me, yet he still seems to think that it's the same situation.
He doesn't seem to realize how much this is going to affect our lives. He'll be paying support so it's going to take us longer to get married, longer to buy a house, not to mention how it will affect our time together.
I met her on Saturday, she's adorable - but I don't think I can do it which I didn't even realize until today. I just started to cry, I am so miserable! But I can't imagime my life without him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have tried to talk to him about this. He will never understand how I am feeling. He called me a hypocrite because I and said that I need to get over it.
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female
reader, Hopeful +, writes (29 March 2006):
 Before you make a decision I would talk to him and find out how he is feelign about it and what he is planning to do. How involved does he want to be? How will it compromise his lifestyle - ie. will he move to be closer to the child, will he want a higher custody rate which would mean the child would stay with him some nights and finally, how does he feel about this ex? What is their relationship.
Before you make a huge decision I suggest you talk to him and discuss how this baby will impact on everyone, including yourself and then make your decision.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2006): If you know you can't except this baby in your life - DONT!! It has to have hurt you in some way and the baby will be a constant reminder of that fact. You're better off losing the one you love now before you try and pretend that this baby is ok with you just to keep the man you love. It will eventually poison your relationship without you even realising it. You will probably resent the father and the baby for a long time to come no matter how much you try not to. You know how you feel about it right now - It's not something that you want in your life - it's the reality of the situation though. The decision you have to make is pretty clear to me. It will be hard to leave the man you love because of a situation that is out of your control. You might feel like you are being childish or selfish in some way but you obviously know how you feel about it and I don't think that will ever change or become accepted in your heart or your mind. It's a sad story and I really feel for you being put in this position. Leaving him now would probably be for the best. Before the resentment and jealousy rears its ugly head. You're better off hurting two people now (you and your man) rather than three later when the baby is part of your lives. I hope you acknowledge what you really want in your life and go with it instead of living in a world of "what could have been ...if not for the baby"!! Try not to feel bad this is the rest of your life we are talking about here and you deserve to be happy - not feel obligated. Good Luck!!
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