A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Me and my fiance for 8 months have not left each other side.. but maybe for 4 hours a day.. Now i have a job that is 9 to 5 like he wanted and he works nights for about 5 hours. We see each other for about 3 hours a night.. Now he's lonely during the day is always mad it seems and lashes out and takes it out on me like its my fault i have to work. He says this isnt going to work and when i say i'll quit he says no you need the job. I love him what do i do cause every day it doesn't get better?
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female
reader, auddi  +, writes (29 August 2008):
Hi,
You could talk it out. I am sure that's the best way. On a weekend, go to some nice place, spend the day together, at the end of the day TALK it out.
You don't need to be too sweet. Be firm, make your point. But if you spend some good time together, he would at least be in good enough mood to listen and try to understand what you are trying to say.
Tell him his behavior hurts your feelings and that you too are alone when he is away for work. You could suggest that either of you could change your jobs (don't take it on yourself alone!).
A
female
reader, PsyCookie  +, writes (29 August 2008):
 Now, you have to stand your ground here.
It seems to me that he's pretty bored, so he wants some "action" or "drama" to spice up his afternoon. And instead of watching soap operas, he just takes it on you.
So just tell him, firmly, to stop bullying you and get himself together. That it's NOT your fault you two work different times and that you NEED this job to live a comfortable life. And please, don't try to be too sweet on him. Don't go "Dear, I would like it, if you can...", NO. Go to the point, and be stern. Don't be afraid of "hurting" his feelings because he has hurt yours too much.
Offer him to do some activities, if he's too bored. To clean the house, learn to cook, do some hobby, shop for groceries. Or he could just take another job. This guy has LOTS of free time, so he should spend them wisely. Because he hasn't, he takes it out on you.
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