A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I was wondering if any of you could give me some advice on my situation. To start things off I've never been in a Relationship due to the fact I've never been interested and preferred to focus on school, work and enjoying my time with my friends. That, plus the fact I have an issue trusting people and alway have distanced myself from guys. That was until 4 months ago. I met this guy and we hit it off straight away. He asked me out on a date straight away and it was great. We continued to go on dates for the next few months, but due to this being my first time in all aspects of dating I was reserved and took things slow. I explained all this to him and he was really understanding and told me we would go at my own pace. He said he just wanted to spend time with me and wouldn't ruin it by pushing me into anything. Things were really great and after the three months of seeing each other I finally got myself to trust him enough to move things to the next level. Last weekend we spent the night together, and as it was my first time I was nervous but again he comforted me and we had a great time. The next day when I had to leave he said he'd text me. I heard nothing from him for a couple of days so I sent him a small message to which he did a small reply but then nothing. So I've given him space for the week, I haven't made any contact with him hoping that he would talk to me when he wants to, but I've heard nothing from him.I just feel really mugged off right now, like all that effort seeing each other and dating was just so he could sleep with me. And now we've done that he's just going to move on.I feel like I need to ask him what's going on and where I stand with him now, but I don't know if I'm acting too crazy and just need to give him more time? I don't even know how to begin asking him what's going on.I'm sorry if this seems petty, but I'm just annoyed I opened myself up to someone who would just disappear on me, despite everything I've told him. I'm new to this whole scene and I don't really know how to deal with this situation!Any advice you wonderful people have would be greatly appreciated!
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2016): Sage Old Guy is just that, really a wise guy. Glad to see there are some guys who still feel that way and I hope you find one, however, unfortunately 95 per cent of them behave exactly as your "friend" did. Its sometimes the male way and usually has nothing to do with you, but with them. With that said I heartedly agree with most of the comments and please do not contact him for any reason; certainly not in a weak moment. You didn't do anything wrong; its the male way. Best of everything in the future.
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (14 August 2016):
 I'm sorry this happened to you. Whatever his reasons, be it feeling overwhelmed by the experience and needing time to absorb it or that he's decided there is just no future, he's behaved badly here.
I suggest you make no further attempts to contact him. No texts, no emails and no calls. It would make you look desperate. His actions have told you loud and clear who he is and where you stand.
We don't always get all the answers we want in life. You'll get over this, you really will. He will become less and less important and you'll become wiser and perhaps recognize signs you didn't see the first time around.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (13 August 2016):
 If I were you, I'd just call him and ask him straight away. Not in an accusatory tone but just to know what was going on and why he hasn't been in touch with you. If he doesn't want to be with you, if he thought the sex was bad or if he was just waiting to get laid...whatever it is, he should just be honest. In any case it doesn't look like there's much of a future here but you should know why he's acting the way he is so you know where things stand.
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A
female
reader, miss frank +, writes (13 August 2016):
Well now, I'm inclined to agree with ivyblue... I think it's unlikely that he's not a jerk I'm afraid- waa there a drop in his affection or attention prior to spending the night together ? How was he during the night ? Cuddling or turning away etc? Is it possible he feels you have pulled back? Who would generally initiate contact? What did your little text after say?
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (13 August 2016):
 What a jerk. Not that it makes you feel any better right now,but this has happened to a lot of us ladies. Young or old. Personally I wouldn't give him much more than a curt message along the lines of:
" (insert name) Im really disappointed and expected more from you to think you were THAT kind of guy and never thought of you as being a user. It would be far more decent of you to at least say "hey Im sorry but this just isn't for me than childish silence- Just wanted to get that of my chest" Keep smiling love, there are good ones out there
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (12 August 2016):
I would contact him once more and ask if he’d like to arrange to go out or do something. That’s the kind of message he has to respond to in such a way that you’ll know where you stand either way. He’ll either say no, fudge the question, say yes or ignore you. Either way, then you get your answer and the closure you need. I really hope you haven’t fallen for a chancer who took what he wanted and ran for the hills. Men can be shy, embarrassed and awkward too after things have gone to the next level. Maybe he is not sure what to say to you. It’s pretty shabby to sleep with a girl and go silent, but some people aren’t great communicators. Give him a clear opportunity to respond positively to you: if he shows an interest, great. If he doesn’t show an interest, it will be pretty gutting for you but at least you’ll know and can move on with your life and look for some-one who deserves you.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (12 August 2016):
 This guy played the whole "3 dates" thing to perfection. Unfortunately, he played it on you.....
He's a dog, so you can forget him... but, don't give up on all guys just because of this jerk....
Good luck...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2016): Im sorry this happened sweetie. If he cared, he would have texted you and replied. Its not your fault. Hes showing you who he is.
But I want to ask, were there red flags in the beginning? How was that night for him and for you? Were there some anger between you guys?
Just know that since it was your first, you have every right to know why he went quiet. You do deserve an explanation.
My advice is take some time out for yourself and its okay to feel whatever you feel, cry, be sad, be what you are and Im going to say its going to be okay here on out. But dont reply or text him, leave it be. Pursuing him right now is not the answer, hes showed you hes careless cold person. All you can do right now is take care of yourself. Good luck
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