A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating my boyfriend for 6 months now, he is super sweet, nice and amazing. The only problem with our relationship is that we haven't yet had sex. We are both virgins. I am totally not ready for sex yet, I'm only 18! He's 18 too but he is ready for it. I know nothing about sex and I'm worried. I even tell him to get out of the room when i'm changing. He acts Like it's no big deal, but I can tell, our friends have sex all the time, and they talk about it a lot. When they talk about ut I can tell he feels jealous. He sleeps wwith me every night but we don't 'sleep with eachother'. The closest we get is him pressed up against me. I don't think he is undressing me or anything like that when I am asleep, once he touched me when we first slept together, he had misunderstood. I hear so many stories about guys leaving when there's no sex. I don't think he would but I'm so worried! I think I could handle undressing in front of him maybe, I might even be able to handle oral sex, I have no idea. Help!!
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both virgins, jealous, oral sex, ready for sex Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2010): Some of the best memories I have of my BF are the times we spent sleeping together without "sleeping" together before we ever had sex. Even now, I am so comforted by his presence in the bed--I absolutely love falling asleep in his arms and waking up to his gorgeous face surrounded by sleep-messed hair...
Cherish this time and reassure him that you want him but that you're just not ready yet. Find activities that ya'll can do together to build your relationship and make it stronger and more personal--read books aloud together, cook gourmet meals, take long walks while holding hands and talking about your childhoods... bond.
Undressing in front of him may only serve to frustrate him more, so I'm against that for now. And I would be careful not to "tease" or "lead him on" with sexy undergarments and provocative talk--that's not fair to him.(I'm not saying you're doing that, just saying it's not fair to turn him on purposely just to shut him down).
As much as he may want it (I have no doubt, at his age, he's ready sexually), but as much as he may want it-it's more important that YOU are ready. Otherwise (and this comes from personal experience) you will do something you don't want to do and regret it later.
It will happen when it happens and you should never do anything YOU aren't ready for--period.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2010): I don't think you have anything to worry about. If he really loves you he will not pressure you into anything, and you say he hasn't complained so far. It is great that you want to wait until you feel ready.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (23 August 2010):
If you're not ready, then make it clear and stick to your guns. He'll either be that super sweet, nice, amazing guy and understand and keep his hormones in check until he is ready, or he will show himself up and leave. All you can do is stick to your guns and do what you believe is right, and not what everyone else does.
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