A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So, Ive been dating my ex boyfriend again for like a couple of months now. At the beginning of the relationship we were so happy, we used to hangout a lot. then he went to study abroad for a semester (fall semester) and he broke up with me after 4 months of our long distance relationship. The reason was because he was not in love with me anymore, but he still loved me. I thought he just broke up with me because he just wanted to date other girls, but he said he never hooked up with ither girls.When he came back, we kind off started talking again, but it was on and off. After a couple of weeks that he didnt txt me or called me anymore, he did, he wanted to hangout and have sex (obviously), but i told him that I didnt want to play that game anymore and that i was tired of it. He told me that he wanted to try it again, now for reals, with no games, and he told me to please give him another chance. After really thinking about it, I said yes. So we started to talk again, but we were not hanging out as much because of work and school. During the summer we were great. We didnt see each other as much because i went back home, but we talked a lot, and we barely never argued. He was really nice to me and was telling me cute stuff. Now, after school started he talked about us and we decided that we were going to be LIKE bf and gf but without the title because we were both going to be really busy and we liked how things were, but that he still wanted to talk to me and he didnt want to loose me. After weeks, he went out with his friends and he was drinking. When he came to my apt that night he me that he doesnt know how is to be in love. So i was like: so you never loved me? and all he said was to not say that. well, basically he told me that he loved me, in the way that he really cares about me. He was crying while he was saying that. That night we talked about it and in a way I let it go. Because I just wanted to be with him. It really hurt really bad, because all those times he told me he loved me, it was not true. And ironically he was the first one that said the L word when we started talking.A couple of days after I told him that i needed to talk to him, and he kinda tried to avoid the talk. But i really wanted to know if he still wanted to talk to me. When we finally talked, he said that he is not sure of what he wants right now, but he knows that he wants me and that he doesnt want to loose me. He said that he knows hes selfish because he is "not giving all his heart right now" (yea, his exact words) and I am. I am trully trying to make it work this time. And when I tried to "break up" with him, I couldnt. He staerted crying again, and he was saying all this stuff about that he really cares about me but that his head says that we shouldnt talk anymore (because hes going to move out of town after he graduate, next semester) but his heart is saying that he will make a huge mistake letting me go.So, I really dont know what to do. Like we are barely hanging out now, and hes never going to love me. He told me that he knows its weird that sometimes he likes when he doesnt see me for a while because when he does he appreciates me more, but its not because he doesnt like seeing me. He also txtd me that he knows he cares about me and that he will always be there for me but he doesnt know what he wants and because of that he is scared of loving me.Right now Im really confused, I dont know what to do. And after what we talked about it seemed everything was ok, but he seems distant. he doesnt call me to say good night anymore, he just ttxts me, everytime we used to finish txting he uses to send me kisses, but not anymore. Im sorry my story is really long and hopefully you guys dont get bored. But i really want to know what should i do. I know i should stop talking to him, but at the same time i dont wana be alone and i still really love him. Im just scared im going to be miserable without him. And i honestly i dont get when he says that he doesnt know what he wants ? if according to him im the only girl in his life. When we started dating i heard so many stuff about him and other girls, but he was different with me, and i thought he changed, but now i dont know. And for the record i never tried to change him. Please, i need some advice.
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male
reader, dirtball +, writes (15 September 2010):
 My advice is to let him go.
How much of your relationship has been happy? How much has been heartache? From where I sit, it sounds like the heartache is outweighing the happy. This isn't healthy.
After this much time together, it's time for him to decide if he wants to be with you. You want to be with him, if he's not willing to give that to you, then you have to walk. It will suck at first, but part of what you're doing by perpetuating this failing relationship is preventing yourself from finding someone with whom you can truely be happy. He's content because he's getting sex without the strings. He can put on a waterworks show for you and keep you right where he wants you. It doesn't matter if he isn't with others, the fact that he can't commit after all this time shows what kind of a guy he is.
I hope you can find someone who is more in touch with what they want out of life and a relationship. That way you can be happy together. It's time to say the eulogy for this relationship, it's been dead for a while.
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