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writes: I wonder if I can have your opinion please.. I started texting this guy in April - I'd seen him around and so I managed to get hold of his number. At first he was quite slow to reply, but the more we got to know each other the more he replied. We met up for drinks a few times in a mutual place where we both went with our friends, but met when we got there. This was good. We have been to the movies a few times and have really got to know each other. At end of July I decided I was ready to sleep with this guy, which we did and it was all good for a couple of weeks.. he text me saying that he liked everything about me etc. But now only a couple of weeks later, I hardly hear from him now. I only see once a week if I’m lucky and we live in the same town. I know he works a lot of hours, but in my experience if a guy likes you, he will make the effort to come and see you no matter what. I feel personally that he feels this is a casual sexual relationhip only. I have asked him if I’m just a sex partner to him and he said no, but didnt say nothing else. He'll say things to me like - did you pull tonight? I’m like, no, why would I do that when I’m seeing you? and he wont say anything back to it. I want to have 'The Talk' with him and find out where I stand and let him know that I've been hurt real bad before and I dont wanna go down that road again. I want to tell him that I want us to be gf/bf, but I find it hard for the words to come out of my mouth in case I make myself look like an idiot. I’m scared he might think I’m being to full on and get scared and run away from it. I like him a lot and want to let him know but how??? - I’m am so sick and tired of wondering what he thinks of me.. and how do I talk to him?? Please help if you can.
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female
reader, Delila +, writes (4 September 2005):
You are seeing this guy, you meet up and have sex, but it sounds like you are moving at different paces, you want to say "I Love You" and he says "did you pull tonight?" In life nobody likes to be rushed, he is probably a great guy who wants to enjoy life. If you smother him he will split. Take your time, if you keep it casual and nobody makes any promises to anybody else, well, nobody is going to get hurt, which is what you want really. Just make the most of it, when you are together remember to laugh a lot, let him know you enjoy his company by the way you act when he's around ie. BE HAPPY! If he enjoys your company, chances are he will keep comming back for more. When you have the time, take a pen and paper and make a list of all the guys in the world you fancy, some attainable and some unattainable, write what you like about them, if you can't think of more than five than you've got to get out there and start looking girl.
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (3 September 2005):
 My take on this is also that it's a casual sexual relationship and not heading anywhere else. There isn't anything in any behaviours, actions or comments that you've described that suggests that he wants to take things to any higher levels of "seriousness".
The comments that he's making about your romantic success with other guys says to me that he feels you're completely free to do that (as long as it isn't said with a sneer of suspicion, which I'd counsel you to run from anyway).
From my point of view, I wouldn't recommend trying to steer this friendship-with-benefits onto a course towards "boyfriend-girlfriend land", because he just doesn't appear to be interested.
Decide how much you enjoy his company - and the sex - and think to yourself, "If nothing at all changes between us, will I be happy with this?" Make your future choice from there.
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reader, pops +, writes (1 September 2005):
If he is interested, he will call. Move on. There are other guys out there who will appreciate you and not take so long to make up their minds. Be happy for what it was, and stop thinking it is going to be something more. Obviously, he is not thinking the same way you are. Its his loss.
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