A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi,Basically me and my gf have been going out now for 3 years and we are going to get married. But first we have to tell our parents. Our parents have indian cultures. Hence we haven't told them before, because gf and bf is frowned upon. However we are planning to get married so it's all good. But there is one problem. Me and my gf met through a dating site. Which we feel cringe and horrible about. We hated being on that, and feel embarrassed to the fact. So much so that we can not tell anyone else.... Ever. We live 2hours away, and we see each other once a month. so in order to make us sound legit, we have made a lil story up, that we met in a coffee shop. Just bumped into each other. But that seems a bit like a fairy tale. I need to come up with a story in which we met, and I got her details, nothing to Pervy. Cuz guys and girls don't mix in Indian culture, so nothing slutty. Just a lil alibi, to how we met? Any ideas?Much appreciated. Thankyou all. Prayers are with you Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, maverick494  +, writes (2 April 2013):
If mentioning the datingsite is such a big hurdle, why not simply describe your first date instead? Tell your parents you saw her, took a chance and made a date out of it. It's a small lie, but atleast you won't have to make up an entire cover story.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2013): I get Asian culture to the extent that my friends are worried and we are in our twenties,they have secret boyfriends who they love and are scared of their families reactions in breaking tradition
I don't know where you live but how about you were both in London, the underground or somewhere touristy, god knows why you were alone but do what you think is right and good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2013): So your parents / culture/ religion taught you that you shouldn't date? (but you did anyway)
Did your parents / culture/ religion also teach that its 'okay to lie'??
Exactly what does your culture/ religion mean to you? I think its time that you decide what it is that YOU want to be and stop pretending otherwise- both to other people and to yourself.
If meeting the love of your life on a dating site has worked so well for you and has made you so happy, why would you choose to deny one of the happiest truths in your life?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2013): You could say you met through a mutual friend; at a social event; at a club for a mutual interest you share... There are lots of options. My personal favourite though is you say you met online but through a website for people of a similar culture/interest. That way you are not saying you were actively looking to date each other, it was more a case of trying to meet like minded people from a similar background. It's not unusual for people to do that these days, and hopefully your parents will be happy you were honouring the culture you were brought up with. Good luck and congratulations!
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A
female
reader, MsSadie +, writes (1 April 2013):
 I'm not going to tell you to throw caution to the wind here because I understand that your culture is different than mine.
Wherever you met this person when you first met offline is probably a good place to say things started. Can you say that you had a mutual friend who introduced you two at that location?
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A
male
reader, clueless in colorado +, writes (1 April 2013):
Firstly congratulations. Next, I would warn you that when the two of you decide to get married, it is supposed to be for you two. Nobody else has a say in the matter. now, disclaimer, I'm not very familiar with Indian culture, but the few friends I have, have had their marriages prearranged. The fact that you are not going that route, already speaks of a break in tradition. Your parents and hers too, will need to be able to accept that, and you need to be strong enough to demand it. Otherwise, for many years to come the relationship with the parents will be strenuous and cause harm in an indirect way to your marriage. Somebody may become resentful because the parents don't like the spouse and gatherings will become tense, the spouse won't feel welcome and won't want to go to those functions anymore, which will become a huge burden on the other. Torn between love of family and love of spouse. Don't make the same mistake I did, put your foot down from the beginning and make sure that both parents accept this marriage. No matter the circumstance, love was found, and that should be honored above all else.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2013): One lie leads to another. Your parents may frown on how you actually met, but it is what it is. If you slip and the truth comes out; then you have to deal with the fallout.
Tell the truth. You are a new generation, and your parents are now living in a modern world. Cultures are changing, and it's a smaller world than it used to be.
Hopefully, they will be captivated by her personality and charm, and it will be more important who she is; than how you met her.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (1 April 2013):
 Don't start of your official life together with a lie. I can't see how meeting in a coffee-shop is more "acceptable" then a dating site.
Sorry, I don't write fiction.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (1 April 2013):
 When you met in real life the first time where did you meet?
so that's where you met.... no lies needed... TELL THE TRUTH...
they aren't going to be happy she made her own match anyway
and for THREE YEARS she's kept a BIG important secret.
there is nothing wrong with meeting online. I've met so many friends online I FORGET I did not meet my husband online. I met him in real life but we carried on most of our first year ONLINE as we too were two hours apart.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (1 April 2013):
 You seem to miss an importent detail, i.e. that if in your culture dating is frowned upon, your parents, particularly hers in fact, would be furious anyway that you have been meeting secretly behind their back for the past 3 years.
You say no biggie, they'll get over it since you are getting married anyway ? Sure, I agree - but then, since your marriage proposal is ( hopefully ) going to smooth things over, so what does it matter where you met the first time ?. Even if they should believe that you met by chance in a coffee shop ( .. a town two hours away seem quite far to go for a cup of coffe :) ... it still remains the fact that , after that initial meeting at the " coffe shop ", you carried on a secret relationship for 3 years.
So, since this point is not going to go lost to your parents, trust me, and since they will have something to swallow, might as well making them swallow the truth.
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