A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am a single dad with two boys, I decided to have a try at one of the main dating sites, and a girl started messaging me, said she liked what I said on the profile. However, one of the things I wrote on there was that if I couldnt find a lover I would be happy to find a friend. Thats a stupid thing for me to put on there do you think? Anyway, she initiated contact we sent a few messages to each other and I gave her my mobile number, then we texted a bit, then asked me to dinner before she was going to easter with her family. She is divorced for 3.5 years. Date was ok, I hate how restaurants are so damn loud u cant even hear yourself speak. It was a little awkward but what first date isn't right? When we were about to leave I asked her if she would mind if I shouted dinner, I did this as I haven't dated for 10 years, been married. She said that's ok and she would get the next one. Then she asked if I would like to go for a walk, so of course yes. It was pretty damn cold unfortunately but we walked kind of briskly. But I was thinking, how bizarre is asking a near complete male stranger to go on a walk in a poorely lit area? I didn't hold her hand, its a first date, why would I right? Maybe I should have?I didnt want to be put into the friend zone. So after we walked around I walked her to her car, she said she was going away for a few days and if I wanted to see her again give her a call when she gets back. So I decided to give her a kiss at her car, I really like her and dont want to be in the friend zone so thats why I kissed her. After the date she texted thanks for the dinner, and I texted back that I enjoyed meeting her and would like to see her again. No reply after that, although a little bit of chit chat the days following. I dunno what to do now, totally like her, don't know if she likes me, obviously she did originally by initiating things. I thought I would wait a few days and then call her and ask her out instead of texting, I hate texting its the worst thing ever invented. What do you guys think? Was I pretty stupid putting the friend thing on a dating site??? I was a bit nervous but if I had that date over again I think I would have held her hand and possibly initiated a hug or kiss on the walk. I don't know, I am long time out of the dating scene, i wasn't in it very long before I met my wife to be honest.Anyway I do like her and I will ask her for dinner and a movie next time, but I just dont know how to not get in the friend zone with someone that values friendship firstly. PS - Ouch, now shes hidden her profile, so maybe I did something wrong!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo just a follow up, thanks for your great advice guys, its really appreciated. Been on another date, she hid her profile because she was going to be away, but now I see she's unhidden it which makes me feel like she's looking for someone new now, but its a dating site and only two dates, but it just leaves a lot of not knowing, oh well thats life ).We had a second date, some laughs and the best table and atmosphere I could have hoped for, but she's pretty quiet, but had a tiring day at work. I like this girl, she has two kids though, and so do I, so we are texting about kid type stuff, not very romantic, but its realistic and good on a friendly basis I guess to begin with.Where to take it from here? More dinners? My last relationship was with what turned out to be my long term wife, it was electric and as hot and fantastic I can remember like it was yesterday but that was 14 years ago or more!I'm just wondering, after you've had a couple dates, do you just keep asking out to dinner or should I mix it up and do something fun like bowling or something?? I flat out asked her after the second dte if she was interested in me and she said yes, so I just have to ignore the dating site stuff and just relax.Just looking for advice, obviously patience is a real key here and its pretty hard when I see her once a week or 1.5 weeks. I guess whatever will be will be.thanks guys for your great advice again.
A
female
reader, R1  +, writes (1 April 2013):
 When you meet someone on a dating site it's for a date not for friends do don't worry about that. The friends zone thing really doesn't exist it's just an excuse us women give when we don't fancy a guy.
Personally I would never kiss a guy on the first date so maybe she was put off by that? Otherwise maybe you two just didnt click. I've been on many online dates and I dont know till I meet someone if I'm going to like them or not. If I don't like them it doesn't mean they've done something wrong or are ugly or boring or anything just that they aren't right for me!
There are plenty more fish in the sea trust me, have fun looking!
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (1 April 2013):
 As person12345 pointed out, the 'friend zone' doesn't exist. There's not a magic holding pen for men on whom the dating jury is 'out.' The 'friend zone' is a concept created by men who want to blame the girl for being rejected by her.
So as long as she's interested in dating you, you're fine.
If she doesn't want to date you, that means she's not interested, move on, don't even worry about the mythical 'friend zone.'
So don't come on like a sexual freight train, all handsy and groping, just treat her with courtesy, holding hands is great, a kiss is fine.
Ask her out and stop worrying about the 'friend' thing. If she says 'no' to the date, then she wasn't interested in you. This doesn't make you a dating failure, it just means it's time to move on and find a new woman who does find you attractive.
You don't want to date every woman you meet, right? So not every woman you meet is going to want to date you.
If the line about finding a friend on your profile is causing you to have second thoughts, edit your profile. Then you won't have to worry about it!
Hang in there, you're doing fine.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (1 April 2013):
 you are so far ahead of yourself you're falling over your own feet.
RELAX.
don't worry so much.
first of all, calling is FINE... just make sure she knows you don't like to text.... if she texts you call her back.. do not let her get in the habit of texing you if you don't like to text.
she told you to call her after she gets back (do you know when that is?) So do that. ask her for dinner
if you liker her just relax and let it flow.
clearly she saw something in you she liked. RELAX.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2013): Okay, this one didn't work out...the feelings were not mutual. And that's okay. You met a new person, had a chance to work on your dating skills, and now you can meet someone else.Be clear about what you are looking for so you aren't wasting your time or theirs. On a dating site, I'm not even sure why they add the category of friends. Sure, the best relationships grow with a very good friendship, but if someone is just looking for a "friend", they will not end up with very many actual dates. I would probably look at first meeting dates as just that. A meeting date. Meeting in person for the first time to see if you really do have anything in common and if there is any chemistry between the two of you. If there is, THEN you go from there and make plans to take her out on a real first date.I hear you about the texting...it's good for some things, but way too many people are using their phones as a pacifiers these days...and it's rarely used for actual phone conversation...yikes. If you don't like texting, make sure your date/s know that too. Nothing wrong with a quick text when a phone call can't take place, but carrying on communication with email and texting only is a sure sign of a socially awkward person who won't do very well in person or in a real relationship.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2013): You may have put too much emphasis on how you've been out of the dating scene for 10 years. Please also take into account that no one can be truly acquainted until you actually meet in person. Whether you put friendship in your profile or not, you can be placed in the friend-zone just the same.There is a little awkwardness in first dates usually; but some people aren't able to be at ease with you when they sense too much anxiety; or if you're too tense.Please don't take it personally; but you may not be the type of guy she is looking for. That doesn't mean you're not a great guy. It's great that you liked her; but if she removed her profile from the dating site, she may not be interested in you any longer. She may have met someone else; after all, you're not the only one who saw her profile. No big deal.In any case, you move on and you continue to enjoy the companionship that you successfully find from time to time.Don't expect to be liked by every date you get; nor to like everyone you meet on the site. Don't always be on the hunt for a wife. That adds too much stress to initial meetings, and it's likely to come up in conversation too often. Remember, profiles don't always reflect the true personality or status of the members on the site.Some people are serial daters. They like to fill their spare time and lonely weekends with meeting people; but they don't really want to seriously see any particular person. They have every right to, that's what dating sites are designed for.My advice is for you to relax and not be too anxious about meeting someone. Meet a few people and allow the chemistryto take place. Continue to make yourself available in the world of reality, that's where true chemistry is most likely to happen. It's nice to shop on line. However; if you continue checking out eligible ladies at the market, church, school games, and at the park; you'll keep your interpersonal skills in tact, and you'll know first hand if there may be chemistry between the two of you. This will eliminate, or at least minimize, the cold detachment that comes with dating online.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (1 April 2013):
 Whoa there. You are WAY overthinking this. You were on a dating site and then you went on a date, so I'd say it's pretty safe to assume she knows you want to date.
The friend zone doesn't exist. Either she is or she isn't interested. There isn't some formula of things you can do to change it. You had a date and kissed, she knows you are interested in a relationship, now the only question is if she thought you connected or not.
You need to cool your heels for a bit, try to set up a second date and get to know her some more. If she isn't interested in a second date, it's not because she thinks you you aren't interested in a relationship, you just didn't click and you move on and try again.
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