A
female
 ,
*eachie
writes:Hey there ^_^ Please please please please help me out with this problem if you can as I have been boring my flatmates with this for a looong time. OK, I think I know what a lot of you will say but I'm going to tell you guys anyway. Right. I have been at uni for 3 weeks and on the first night they had a school disco. I got dressed up (as a schoolgirl surprisingly enough :-p) and all 8 of us (my flatmates and I) headed downstairs to someone else's flat for drinking games. This part isn't really important but I just want to set up the feelings I was experiencing at this time. Apprehension, and slight anxiety at my teetotalness; but I managed to get through the 'drinking' with just a cup of cola (bleurgh I hate coke, - the things I suffer). So after about 30m of being crammed into a tiny kitchen with about 40 other people we descended the stairs and went into Bar1 (the lovely noisebox which is directly below my bed). The evening started normally enough. Louise and I went to the bar (in Bar1 lol) and got lemonade (white wine for m'lady lol) and then made our way to the pool tables as she had decided to wanted to play. We pottered around for about an hour and a half, maybe more, moving from squashy sofa to squashy sofa, standing up and down, holding people's bags and drinks as they took their turns with the cues but eventually some decent music started up and so we made our way onto the amusingly named 'dancefloor' (about a 10x10 piece of floor - large you say? Not with 100+ people on it @_@). So we danced...and dancing took up about 40m - during which we got introduced to about 6 people whose names I cannot remember! Anyway anyway - to get to the meat of the matter, we were slowly circulating the floor and moving to where the spaces opened up. We had just moved to one of these new spaces when a guy came past me. You have to remember that when you are in a place like this, a guy coming past you is not an experience alike to an epiphany. However, the first thing that struck me about this...man - was that he was on crutches. The second was that he was very attractive. It was a combination of these two things that I think gave me the dutch courage (plus maybe the bubbles from the lemonade) to actually turn around from where I was, approach him and enquire as to how he had acquired his fetching 'extra' limbs. He replied (cordially enough) that he had "hit his foot whilst playing football (I still don't understand this @_@) and hurt it". And that was the end of that. I made the acceptable "oh" noises and turned back to Louise. If I am being completely honest with myself now, I cannot really remember how I was feeling at this first rebuffal, or indeed why, within the next few seconds, I turned back around and proceeded to engage him in further conversation. To cut a long and convoluted story a little shorter, the evening then progressed exceedingly well. We spoke about the usual university things i.e. what are you studying, where are you staying etc etc. I gleaned that his name was XXX and that he was studying Human Biology. It also turned out that he was in fact a 2nd year staying off campus and was in fact only present here as a favour to one of his friends. I was very, very, very surprised that he had wanted to keep talking to me for as long as he had - particularly as there were awkward gaps when neither of us could think of what to say. God Bless Louise for her exceptional conversational skills. So we spoke for a while - he gave me his cap to wear ^_^ and I was happy - very happy. However there always has to be a point in the evening when one person has to leave. This point came when he turned to me and said "I have to go. Have you got a mobile number?" This is when - I think I was buoyed up by the success of my initial blatant boldness - I said "I don't have one - and I don't want you to go". And for the 2nd or 3rd time in my life - or at least that evening ^_^ - I was surprised by a male. He didn't leave. He stayed. And we spoke more. We sat down and talked. I drank lemonade, he drank my lemonade and we made conversation. Eventually Louise relinquished her role of gooseberry (I love you Louise!) and we were on our own. And eventually, he asked whether I wanted to "go for a walk". Once this was agreed upon we set off. We tried to find a lift (he was on crutches remember!) but the elusive lift of Shackleton continued to live up to its namesake and so, eventually ^_^ we took the stairs. Please remember, we had spoken in the darkness of Bar1 only for me to come out into the harsh artificial lights of the Shack. I was fearful. I didn't know what to expect. We ascended the stairs. We entered the flat. We unlocked the door to my room. This was my first night at University. I had met this person less than 3 hours ago. And yet I was not worried. My anxieties had evaporated away. I also want to make clear - however sordid and sluttish this sounds - nothing 'happened' that was of grave and life-changing consequence. I swear this on my mother's life. He lay on the bed and I sat in my swivel chair. He drank orange squash that I made. I wore my dressing-gown. Sexy, n'est pas? I am not a lady of seductress proportions. However, I am someone of strange disposition. Perhaps my strangeness had finally dealt me a trump card in the form of this amazing amazing person who was - at the time - lying on my bed, at Birmingham University, on the first night of me being away from my home. This was a person who: - did not drink - did not smoke - is on the swimming team - could dance sooooo well (even on crutches!) - I am very much attracted to Can you empathise? At least with the last thing? Everyone has to like someone. Again, to cut to the chase. We cuddled. Then . his friends texted and rang him asking where he was as he was their lift back to where they lived (with a broken foot? on crutches? @_@ don't ask). But, before he left, he asked for my email address. I gave. Suffice to say I didn't sleep very much that night. Yes yes I can already hear the mocking shouts of 'Fresher' - stupid little 1st year crushing on a 2nd year who is just so much more superior and established than the former. But...I don't know. I have...or at least, had...a feeling that perhaps - this was a chance. This was my time. It was finally my turn. I waited. Tuesday dawned. Please remember, up to this time I was not actually connected to the Broadband service. Have you ever tried to get Internet access at Birmingham University? It's not much fun :-p but I did. And (ok so maybe this was a bit quick) was a little disappointed when it turned out - nappa email - . But yet, he had said he would get in touch before I got Internet. Perhaps he hadn't expected me to be so efficient? Wednesday. I went down to the campus with my downstairs flat friend Clare. On our long list of things to do we happened to come across the Sports Fair. We came in. Who came out. I was like "Hi!" and then (I regret this -_-) "oh you haven't emailed me yet?" He then said "oh right (then something about hadn't got to a computer yet) and he would email me tomorrow (i.e. today)". Then quiet. We were standing in a corridor. People bustling back and forth. Clare standing awkwardly behind me. We were already slightly behind time to get to another lecture. I thought back. Teetotal, gorgeous, he spoke to you, he went in your room! Don't let him slip away! "Maybe I can come back later?" So it was agreed. Clare and I went on our way to our lecture. Had our lecture. Went our separate ways. I pootered around, trying to kill time until near the end of the Sports Fair when not so many people would be around. Finally I decided to go back. I was very nervous. Infact, I can't remember ever being that worried about a guy within the last 3 years. Sports Hall, more like Sports Hell. I was super conscious of all the hard-body men and women around. I am short, not thin and not particularly pretty. Perhaps the lights in my room and in the club had been generous? Worry was foremost in my mind. I circled the Hall, peeking behind the people packing up their booths until I finally made my slow, slow way up to the Swimming table. No sign. I lingered infront of a Frisbee poster - thank-god it had loads of small print. Read my way through it once...twice...wrote down the contact details. Looked around some more. Finally saw him come out of some cubby hole, took a deep breath, prepared to make some wave, say hi...only for him to go past me. The limit for how long I could stand in front of this poster was getting close. I steeled myself for rejection. One last ploy. I placed my multitude of bags on the floor and pretended to re-arrange the contents. Glanced up. Nothing - he was seated by the stall but still hadn't seen me. This was nearly it. I was about to call it the end, and cut my losses with much regret. Slooowly, slooowly I straightened up. Picked up my bags. Shifted them in my hand. Took a step forward. Just once more, I thought. I glanced again. He saw me. I mouthed "Hi", made as much of a waving gesture as I could with my hands full. A Chinese girl was behind him, arm round his neck playing with his hair. Jealousy, anger, confusion, sorrow - I expected too much. In a split second, my life's default settings were about to be restored. He would be just another door closed to me. Then he waved. Hope flew through my veins. He turned to the girl, said something, then he rose from his chair. Came over on his crutches. I felt myself flush. He was still as good-looking as he had been on Monday. I don't know whether I could say the same of Yours Truly. "Hi" he said. "Hi" I said. "How long have you been standing there?!" he asked. "Em...about 10 minutes?" I ventured. He was surprised. We made horribly stilted conversation. He asked what I'd been doing. I asked if many had signed up. I felt stupid, weak and mistaken. I had broken some mysterious taboo. I wasn't supposed to have taken it this seriously. My infusion of hope was rapidly fading, only to be replaced by dark, heavy, despondancy. A silence reigned. Around us the noise of people packing away only served to highlight the atmosphere between us. He faced away from me. I looked at the floor. Could almost see the slivers of my stupid pre-empting dreams glittering around my feet. "I'll email you tomorrow", he said. "...OK" I answered. I admitted defeat. I bit the bullet as I always do. "I'll see you around?" I can't particularly remember whether this was a question on my part but I like to think I would have phrased it this way. Giving him space to breathe, giving me another chance to build up my infantile bloody wishes and pile it on top of that precarious, precious space of 3 hours when I had met this stranger. Since then he has emailed me on the Saturday after the first Monday), but it was totally blowing me off. He told me that he would be "very busy" this term but that he was "sure he would see me around". I have seen him out and about and tried to talk to him but again he has been really evasive. I also emailed him back on the Thursday after that Saturday asking to meet up but he never replied. I just want to point out:- 1. I have never had a relationship or a boyfriend in my life, or done ANYTHING with a boy apart from cuddle\hold hands - I have never kissed anyone, 2. when we were in my room he didn't try and co-erce me into doing anything, in fact he was quite shy and asked me whether I thought he was inexperienced!!, 3. I have since found out that he is actually a 3rd year instead of a 2nd year!! So basically 3 weeks have past since I spoke to him properly. I look out for him whenever I go out and I am going to try and speak to him about it when I next see him. I just wanted to post this on here because I feel like I am going mad!! Surely if someone acts quite coy on the first time you meet, not pushy or anything - they would like to get to know you more? He hopped up 4 flights of stairs on his crutches to come to my room - AND he totally could've gotten rid of me earlier in the evening!! I reeeeeeeally like him and am very confused about what is going on. I know you guys will probably say he wanted sex or whatever but I'm pretty sure he didn't, neither of us were drunk and he was quite reserved when we went in my room. He also totally asked ME for my contact details as well. PLEASE PLEASE help me - just give me your opinion or whatever. I know this post is so long and the language is a bit flowery but that's because I harvested it from my blog as it would've taken ages to re-write it out. I also had to tell you all the weird little details!! Even if you think we can never get together please tell me WHY he changed so suddenly and weirdly!! ANYTHING YOU HAVE TO SAY\THOUGHTS ON THIS MATTER WOULD BE SO MUCH APPRECIATED!! YOU GET 100+ BROWNIE POINTS FOR MANAGING TO READ ALL OF THIS POST!! YOU GET 200+ BROWNIE POINTS FOR READING IT AND UNDERSTANDING IT!! YOU GET 300+ BROWNIE POINTS FOR READING, UNDERSTANDING AND LEAVING A COMMENT!! PLEASE HELP ME! Peachie xoxo
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crush, drunk, flatmate, her ex, jealous, shy, text, university Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Peachie +, writes (16 April 2007):
Peachie is verified as being by the original poster of the question Hey thanks guys :-)
Sorry, I'm responding about a year and a bit too late but I just wanted to say cheers for your help.
To clue you in on how that whole situation went, it never got off the ground. In brief, I gave myself a whole lot of drama over it (trying to find him, going to clubs where he was etc etc) only for it all to end rather upsettingly (he basically told me -under extreme duress- that he had "made a mistake").
I can now see, with hindsight, that perhaps my extreme naivete gave off signals which translated to the exact *opposite* of what I meant...understandably when he clicked that I was *not* going to be a one-night stand, he wanted nothing more to do with me, and my fawning attentions were not welcomed.
Regardless, he is well in the past and I am now having 'problems' (if one can call them that ;-) ) with my best (and only!) guy friend...which tbh are rather exciting.
Anyway, thank-you for your considered responses :-)
All the best.
A
reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (10 October 2005):
 I think this guy has suddenly decided that he only wants to be friends for some reason that he hasn't disclosed to you. It could be that he just wants to get on with his degree but even then, he is entitled to have some fun.
It wouldn't be a good idea to stalk him on campus but you could simply offer the hand of friendship to him.
Send him another email and indicate that you would like to meet up but as friends and someone to chat to because you feel you got on so well before and as you haven't been at uni very long, you value having a mate to share things with.
If you happen to bump into him, say what you would say in this email.
This is the most you can do but in the meantime, do make other friends and even a boyfriend; live life a little, socialise and make the most of the best years of your life! Go on, you can do it. You sound like a bright, attractive and bubbly young woman so don't put all your eggs in one basket.
Good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2005): Peachie-I enjoyed reading your posting. You sound like a fun, genuinely nice person and if this guy isn't into you-look at it this way. You're far better off being with someone who cares about you than with someone who doesn't. You kind of dodged a bullet here by not getting even further involved with this guy who, at the end of the day, likely would have hurt you, anyways. I wouldn't take that as a reflection on you at all. The grim reality of life and love is, none of us is all equally attractive to everyone. There will surely be someone else soon enough who appreciates your qualities and has that level of spark that will make him really get into you. So as far as this goes, Peachie-it's not about you, it's about him and his preferences. Just realize that you've escaped the fate of getting even further enmeshed in a relationship that wouldn't have led anywhere so you come out a winner, after all.
Being friends with him is possible but sometimes, it's better to make a clean break and simply move on. Remember, your feelings are not HIS feelings. He may be looking for something else. Perhaps he just felt something was not compatible, or missing. It takes more than physical attraction, things in common and fun to see someone as a true life partner or as someone you can have a satisfying relationship with. I know it hurts, but it is better this was realized now and he did not string you along. Because you do deserve to be with someone who appreciates you, your wonderful personality. That guy will come along someday and this guy you like now-will be hazy, dull memory. So give yourself time to work this out..be sad, be gloomy but don't carry on too long. Time will heal your sorrowful feelings-give yourself that. Leave him alone, don't contact him. He knows you like him and if he was interested..he'd call. Nothing can be done about it and we've ALL been there and we all survived to carry on and find someone who loved us-and your day will come..just be patient. It hurts now, but in time you will appreciate that he let you go now. Just think, for some people it seems to take them years to figure this out, all the while having so much time and emotion invested..it hurts no matter how short or long it was, but in the long run, it just means he was not right for you either. Best of luck, dear
Hugs and Smiles,
Irish
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reader, pops +, writes (10 October 2005):
If he doesn't drink, smoke, etc. he is a very serious young man, who has one objective, which is to complete his degree. He is probably strongly motivated by his responsibilities to his family, who are helping with his expenses. He is not willing to jeopardize his education by starting to see any girl. As much as he was attracted to you, he is basically shy, and hasn't a clue how to make the next move, or what that next move should be. Suggest meeting him for " study dates at the library, or some other place that is public, and comfortable and quiet for you both. Don't push the personal relationship. Let it grow. You have a lot of adjusting to do to University life, too, so put your energy into that. Date other guys if you feel like it. See this guy when you want to, and just be best buddies and friends. He will come around if he is really interested, but it may be a could of years before he feels confident in his grades that he will get his head out of his books.
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reader, wwww.datinghaven.com +, writes (10 October 2005):
I only get 100 points then... :(
You sound proper kewl
Oh damn, i dno wot 2 say, im sure someone else can help
you occupied alot of my day, and it beats reading a book! :)
I take it you have a mobile number, just didnt want to give it 2 him? You may have lost out there - everyone (almost) has a mobile (or mobiles) - he probably took it as you didnt want to give it to him.
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