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female
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*atie*
writes: Hey. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 3 months, but we were "seeing" each other for almost 3 months before that. One of the reasons for us not getting together before we did was because he had recently split with his last girlfriend- they'd been together a few yrs. She ended it, he was not over her when we met but we eventually got together. We split v briefly as he said he was still in love with her and it wasn't fair on me, but there were other issues involved n he regretted it and we ended up getting back together. Since then it's been great, but i can't help being a little bit paranoid that hes comparing me to her... I want to tell him i love him, but don't know how he'll react and if he doesn't say it back I might get more paranoid. What do you think? Am I being over sensitive?
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2010): I can top you all. ive been with my fiance for 2 years and we have a 1 yr old. He has 3 proir and an ex-wife. I love them to death and wouldnt trade them for the world. He calls his ex and says he dont all the time. they used to text but the messages when some how delete themselves. Your best bet for you and the baby is to move on. you dont want that baby to be around fighting and arguing. trust me i want to leave but cant im to deep. its harder the longer you wait. Or just tell him how its gonna be or else.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2010): Me and my boyfriend are going through just about the same thing, but alittle worse, we've been dating for three months and I recently saw him texting her while he was with me. He was saying how much he wanted her, and that killed me. Although he swears to me that he's over her I'm sure he's not, because he hasn't talked to me for a week because he needs to "figure things out" and I'm scared he's going to leave me for her even though it was a terrible relationship. But with yours since he's not talking to her I wouldn't worry about it at all, he chose you and not his horrible ex :) goodluck with that and hopefully he gets over her asap!
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reader, bridgett  +, writes (29 January 2010):
I am not so sure what you should do I am in a similar situation and I plan on waiting it out my boyfriend has an ex who is also his childs mother they were together years and we have been through alot because of her I know that he still has love for her and sometimes I fear him leaving me for her but I look at it this way if he wanted her he wouldnt be with me and yes he may have love for her as his childs mother but he is in love with me sometimes you have to remind yourself of things like that even if he still loves her he obviously loves you more if youre the one he is with
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reader, meganev1067 +, writes (31 July 2009):
My boyfriend and I are going threw the same thing, but my boyfriend was married and had a child with his ex.And he keeps their wedding photo in the drawer next to the bed and wont get rid of it!..oh and we've been together for 2 years!i know he loves me but i know i dont have all of his heart.And I strongly feel as he is still in love with her.But for your situation I'd tell you to tell him how you feel!!Self expression is such a wonderful thing!And maybe you'll get the response your looking for.And i think you should wait things out, you two have only been together for 3 months, you cant expect a person who had their heart broken to just turn feelings off someone else!but if he loves you, wait it out girl.Hope all things work for you!
-Meganev1067
-Meganev1067
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2008): This sounds exactly like me and my boyfriend except he is still friends with his ex. Shes dating another guy for a year or so but lately there have been rumors that they may be breaking up....this worries me bcuz he still compares me to her and acts like he is in love with her and shes perfect. idk he its a long story and we split for a month for the same reason but he hooked up with some other girls and then all the sudden was like no i like being with u and we have been together a year and a half now and its gotten better but like you said you cant help feel like there is still something. it drives me crazy and i cant help but think he is just using me and waiting for her and her bf to be over. part of me just wants to give up but i love him so much and i dont want to make the mistake. but if your guy doesnt still talk to her i wouldnt worry as much. as long as his attention is on you then it means he chose you and cares about you to let go of the past. just tell him how you feel bcuz even if he still has feelings for her...if you lay your feelings on the line and dont hold anything back...it will be his fault if things dont work out and hell be the one realizing he had something special and messed up. they say its better to have loved and lost then to not have loved at all. hopefully it works out for you good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2008): look girl i know exactly how you feel my boyfriend did the exact thing im am so serious. but the thing is he says he loves me and i love him. if you love him you need to tell him cause its not right to hold back how u r feeling.u should tell him but also let him so that u rnt expecting him to say it back unless he means it and when hes ready too then u will be ther
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2008): Im in almost the exact same situation except one step further.. we've been going out for 8months and i always feel im being compared to his ex who he went out with for two years and i forever feel im living in her shadow. although he tells me he is totally over her and in love with me, i cant get rid of this thought at the back of my head. To make matters worse he still has loads of stuff that reminds him of her for example he has memory box of thier relationship eg love notes etc which i didnt mind (too much) as he also had one of ours, but the other day i happend to stumple across somethings which were lying around, a teddy bear that she had giving him that wore a jumper saying "i love you!" and on the tag it said to ...... lots and lots of love ...... then underneath it in picture frames was pictures of the pair of them and loads of her(he doesnt own one pic of me or of us) and then when i went to get a pair of his socks what did i find sexy underwear that belonged to her and a pair of her socks... I don't no what to do, i confronted him about the underwear and socks and he said they were expensive and arent his to throw out but they havnt been going out for over a year and surely if she wantd them she would have asked for them back, i know i would have. Please help!
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2006): Well I don't have any advice here but I am in the same situation... absolutely identical! Right now we are at the time apart stage so he can get rid of his ex supposively. He already regrets dumping me for her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2005): Katie-Put these niggling self doubts to rest or you run the chance of sabotaging this relationship before it gets off the ground. Hun, all relationships we choose to become involved in are risks to our heart..but they can be positive, wonderful experiences if you just focus on bringing the "best of yourself" into this relationship. Your relationship is still just in it's infancy.(3 months!) A real mature, long lasting love takes a long time to come about (much more than 3 months) It has to grow and be nutured over time-it does not happen immediately. This is something so many young folks forget. Give this relationship time to develop, to take off-to "really" learn about each other. Forget that inner critic in yourself, forget the imagined comparisons, the anxieties, the uncertainties. Forget that-or it could deeply hinder your relationship! Just have FUN, a great time, be YOU, be positive, be happy and just enjoy the wonderful moments spent with this guy. How this relationship will pan will depend on what you think about yourself. Love and Appreciate YOU for who YOU are, not just for the impressions you give him. You and his ex gf are two complete different individuals and he knows that! My best bet is, he enjoys you for YOU or you two wouldn't be together. Simple logic, isn't it.
It sounds like he's focused on building something special with you. Just don't expect him to be "in love" with you after being together for 3 short months, because that's simply unrealistic. I have to give him credit for being honest with you, before when he said he was still in love with her. By letting you go so he could work on himself shows he has some principles, ideals and respect for you. He did the right thing, the mature thing. He knew it was unfair to you-he didn't want to use you as a balm for his pain. He took a big risk, too-because you could've found someone else. But it all worked out in the end. He's over the worst hump of his prior relationship recovery and he has begun focusing in on you. So WHY can't you let go of these "uncertain" feelings of comparing yourself to his ex"? Because you are allowing yourself to feel insecure and that can be a very unattractive trait. Stop doing that! He wants this to work with you..he's simply is taking his time because he understands that about himself and he knows what LOVE really is. He's taking his time..and that is a smart move. Life is a learning experience and he learned from his past. He will love again, sweety but when he's ready. So, just relax and enjoy this new relationship with him, stay confident, stay happy and take it ONE step at a time. I wish you all the happiness and remember, be positive, have fun and just just keep being true to yourself. Your confidence, your happy demeanor is what he'll come to love about you. Enjoy him but don't rush this...let it grow!
Hugs,
Irish
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reader, pops +, writes (10 October 2005):
Why not simply ask him, after a particularly satisfying love making session, if he loves you? If he hesitates, ask him if he loves the things you are doing to him? An old adage claims that women need love to enjoy sex, while men need sex to enjoy love. Have you tried talking to him, with your clothes on, about his past love, where it went wrong, what he learned from that experience, and how he finds you different? That is the best way to get to understand what is going on in his head, and learn how you can avoid reminding him of his ex. And, stop having doubts about yourself. He chose you after she left him, didn't he? He's with you, and not her? He was sensitive enough about your feelings to not want to hurt you because he still had not gotten over his feelings for her. Give him a lot of credit for that. If he was not seriously interested in you, he would not be back with you. Talk to him about his dream, fantasies, career goals, interests in a family, etc. Talk to him about sex, what you do, what you don't do, what he is curious about. Answer those same questions to him. Its the best way to really get in tune with him, and to have a more satisfying relationship, both sexual and in general.
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