A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So lately my dating life has been hit at a bit of bad luck to say the least. So much so that it's kind of became a running joke amongst people I know. Needless to say I've posted on this website a lot and my dating life can be described as the kind you would expect a character to have in a sitcom (seriously some of the stuff is just beyond unlikely but manage to happen style of bad luck).So I threw a party at my place recently. Kind of an attempt to have fun. Now my friends while there suggested I go on Tinder. They were building it up as some place where I'd get laid pretty easily. Now I'm not the tail chasing kind of guy; I'm more of the relationship and buying the girl flowers kind of guy. But after all the nonesense I've been through lately; something like that might not be a terrible idea.So I joined it. And I did the usual process you'd expect from this site. I said yes to girls I found attractive and no to ones I didn't. When a girl did the same they became a match and we could talk.There was one girl who became a match. And she stood out to me. I didn't know whether it was because she was pretty or seemed fun but she really stood out.I decided to talk to her and our conversation was a bit brief; we joked a little and then she went offline (hasn't been on since). And as I went to bed (this was pretty late at night) it hit me. I know this girl.When I was a student in my first and second year of university (graduated 3 years ago now) me and this girl talked all the time; this girl at one point in time had admitted to me that she had a crush on me and truth be told I had one on her too. We never dated; we were two broke students who lived on the other side of the country. It wasn't exactly a likely situation.But now I live in the same city as her; apparently in the same part of the city too.So to be honest I want to talk to her and see if we hit it off again but I'm concerned that I'm going to come across as desperate or creepy (I don't think she remembers who I am). So what should I do? I've left her a message on her tinder saying that we used to know each other but as I said above; she hasn't been on since our initial chat. Would it be too strong to add her on facebook with a message explaining who I am or do I just need to be patient?
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female
reader, YoungButNotNaive  +, writes (4 June 2014):
 You already left her a message, so leaving her another one WOULD be coming on to strong. Also, a site that is designed for casual encounters or "hooking up" is NOT the place to look for a meaningful relationship. And it sounds to me like you would want more than sex with this girl. You have to consider why SHE is on there. It could be for the same reason as you, but it also could very well be she is using it for its intended purpose. In which case, it wouldn't be a good idea to pursue her when you want different things. It will only lead to you getting hurt.Regardless of what you've been through, I don't recommend trying to change what comes naturally to you. There is nothing wrong with preferring relationships over meaningless sex. However, if you really feel that's not what is best for you right now, you have to stop focusing on this girl. Look at it this way: You joined that website to get away from the "nonsense" and have fun, but you've done everything except. Worrying about what one girl thinks of you doesn't sound like much fun. I think it's best to move on.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (4 June 2014):
 I wouldn't contact her on Facebook.
If Tinder is a "hook up site" then she was either looking for a hook up OR was on for shits & grins.
You left her a message, IF she logs back into it, she will see it.
Contacting her on FB will seem creepy and desperate. IMHP
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2014): Tinder is not the type of site where you can go back and cleanup a mess. It's hit or miss, I've been told. You just got to get to know the "unspoken" rules of the game.
It's people nearby, who want to either hookup or they want to match-up without a lot of bullsh*t. If she doesn't respond, she may not remember you as fondly as you think; or she is embarrassed that you knew her. The fun and excitement people get out of Tinder is the anonymity. You may have come across just a little creepy by calling her out. "Hey, I think I know you!" Not cool!
You made another attempt, and she didn't respond. Either she met someone else, or isn't interested. Next!
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