A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi all, I'm new here anyway I started a new job around a month ago and since I have a co worker who always stares at me I always catch him in the corner of my eye I pretend I havnt noticed anyway he's always sort of touches my arm and try's to make me laugh when possible he's quiet sarcastic and sometimes makes fun of me nothing harsh just funny or something I've done/said and once he even 'checked me out ' right Infront of my eyes haha can anyone relate I'm just abit confused Today I caught him staring at my chest when I walked right past him! wasn't a low cut top or anything, and I always end up doing 'jobs' for him when I'm not suppose to and won't stop touching my arm or patting my back when talking to me what is that about ?
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male
reader, Mark1978 +, writes (4 June 2014):
 Hello,
Being touchy feely is crossing a line and shows he is either the kind of person who is naïve to modern, politically correct workplaces (and is likely to find someone making a complaint about his inappropriate behaviours), or he knows full well he is being inappropriate and is happy to cross that line anyway.
You are young, recently started and an easy target therefore for the office players. If he was genuinely keen, mature, sensible and had honourable intentions he would flirt in a more appropriate manner. Staring at your chest, touching your arm, the jokes, etc show he is basically giving you the come on. I he is either looking for a quick fumble, or is too immature to be a decent prospect relationship wise anyway.
His attempts at flirting are unprofessional, childish and would clearly be classed as sexual harassment.
You need to tread carefully. Although thus far he is only eyeing you up and touching your arm, in every job i've had there has been a guy who behaves that way who are best avoided. The one man who thinks he is gods gift, stares at womens chests, calls them sweetheart and darlin' and has no consideration for political correctness, professionalism or treating female co-workers with the respect they deserve.
Don't get involved with people you work with. If you have a relationship that didn't last (highly probably with this guys behaviour) then how are you going to cope working with him afterwards? If, for instance, you slept with him, and it turned out he used you as a notch on his bedpost, then what? you have to work with him and watch him eye up and stroke the arm of the next young, attractive women who starts in the company.
You are new to the firm, young and inexperienced. Don't make the mistake of being impressed by this guys behaviour. You may find it flattering, but im sure the other women in the company find him creepy. If something happened between you and you got hurt nobody will support you as they will see you as naïve to trust him and if he starts harassing you more and more it becomes difficult to deal with if you let it go too far and encouraged it.
Avoid him where possible, if he touches you tell him not to firmly and avoid getting into a situation of doing work for him that you should be doing. He may pat you on the back and tell you how amazing you are, but he will then tell his boss that he did that work you did for him. And if your own work lags behind, its no good saying you were too busy doing something for him instead that you shouldn't be doing.
In any workplace there are often people who act inappropriately and who lack social skills and a sense of how to behave in that environment. Its your responsibility to make sure you deal with those people correctly. Letting him touch you, eye you up, stare at your chest and getting you do tasks you shouldn't be doing is setting yourself up for manipulation. Be firm.
Mark
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2014): Well, the fact you are at work, he's supposed to keep his hands to himself. Don't do his work for him, that sends the wrong message. You could ask: "are you checking me out?"
That gives him a chance to be straight with you.
If you like the guy, it's best to do your flirting during off-time. If you decide you really don't like him; or if he comes across too aggressively, things get awkward at work.
You don't want him to be able to say you were cool with it, if he crosses the wrong boundaries. Then complaints you make have no merit.
I suggest that you back away, and waive the naughty finger when he touches you. That is inappropriate and taking liberties. If he's interested, man-up and ask a cute girl out. After work, not while on the clock.
Try to keep a safe distance, just in-case he is a player and just likes to push the envelop. Force him to have to come-out with his intentions; if you like him, and feel he likes you back.
Here in the United States, it might be considered sexual harassment. So we fellas wouldn't be as bold as he is. Make sure he is respectful in your presence. If he does like you, you want his respect anyway. Right?
In any case, no touchy-feely on the job. That's crossing the line. He's testing you,because you're a little naive; and he's being a little sneaky. He shouldn't getaway with things on the sly. Everything should be on the up and up. Only a guy you're actively dating; should have your permission to touch your back, or anyplace on your body.
In my opinion, he's going about it the wrong way.
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A
male
reader, wise-guy +, writes (3 June 2014):
Sounds like flirting to me - the touching is a dead giveaway without when mentioning him checking you out.
Do you like this guy? If so you should probably talk to him a bit more.
Suppose it depends what kinda guy he is - is he a player etc, you don't want to end up just being a bit of 'office skirt'
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